went swimming

i went swimming today. it was kinda fun. i wonder if anyone actually reads my blog. probably not. most of my posts are so long and crazy-sounding. please don’t worry about this subgenius stuff if you have been reading that. i don’t really believe in that stuff, it is just for fun. i am really just a plain old atheist who believes in logic and reason, but don’t tell anyone that. that is secret. it is more fun to pretend to be irrational like everyone else is, except even more irrational than the people you are making fun of. of course i have always been atheist with a few exceptions. i never believed in santa claus or the tooth fairy or the easter bunny either. i never felt let down about it. i was just worried my parents would find out i didn’t believe and then i would stop getting presents and candy and stuff like that. that is sort of what religion is like. you have to pretend you believe just like everyone else, when you are at church, or else you will get in trouble, probably, and someone might tell you that you are going to hell or something like that, but anyway, it would be an uncomfortable situation even if they don’t condemn you, and it is best not to get into direct confrontations with theists if you are an atheist. basically you just don’t feel like you belong or feel welcome because everyone else has these irrational beliefs that are mandatory for everyone to believe, but you just can’t believe because you are simply too rational. it is probably my asperger syndrome that makes me an atheist. the idea of god never really made sense to me, and when i was a kid i never trusted what adults told me, and was always skeptical and always thought they might just be lying to me. of course, it turned out that i was correct all along, and adults do lie to kids all the time, so i was right to be skeptical. for some reason, most people actually believe what they are taught when they are very young. i am glad i do not fall into that category, because it seems like it is hard for those normal people to undo the brainwashing later on in life. as for the chances of me accepting jesus christ as my personal savior? well, i have done that. i accept him. fine. whatever. i just don’t want people bugging me about having the wrong beliefs. i’ll pretend to believe what everyone else is pretending to believe, if they just leave me alone about what i really believe. supposedly in the end times, everyone who does not take the mark of the beast, 666, will be saved. i do not have the digits 666 tatooed or carved on me anywhere. and supposedly everyone will worship the beast, which will be satan or the antichrist. but let me tell you something! i will never worship this beast! never! i refuse to believe in such foolishness! i will not worship christ or the antichrist! i do not want either one! i do not want mainline organized religion, or satanism! the only reason the church of the subgenius is okay with me is because it is a joke and nobody really believes in it! i refuse to believe in anything supernatural! if these are the end times it is almost certainly because we humans, in our stupidity, will destroy ourselves! and the irrationality of religion is probably to blame for that apocalypse which may or may not be coming! why are there so many stupid wars in the middle east? it is because of all the stupid religious people in the middle east, and religious people here in america who want to fight them! anyway, i went swimming and it was okay but then thunder came. there were some pretty girls there in bikinis at the community pool. don’t worry, they were all over 18 when i was looking over at them! at least they looked like they were over 18! but there was so little fabric on their bodies! it reminded me of how in some islamic countries, women are forced to have their entire bodies covered so you can’t see anything! the exact opposite of the united states! so at least christians are not overly concerned about showing off their bodies, except maybe the “naughty bits” that some puritanical types like to censor. i wonder if women would parade around naked if that were legalized. i know that it is legal for women to be topless in new york state, because of a new york state court ruling about public breastfeeding that was “broad” in its acceptance of public showing of breasts. but i never see any of them taking advantage of this court ruling, because apparently nobody knows about it. or maybe they just don’t want anyone to see that part of their anatomy! i do wish more women would take advantage of their legal right to bare their breasts in public in new york state. it has been upheld by the highest court in the state! if any cops bother you, just show them a printout of the 1992 court ruling and tell them that if they try to arrest or detain you, it will be a violation of your civil rights! join the “topfree” movement! and then come visit a public swimming pool when i am there! do not worry, i am a very nice person, and i am probably too shy to come up to you and talk, so i will probably just leave you alone! that is what i did to the attractive young women in bikinis today! i left them alone because i was too shy to talk to them! if only i were able to ask out girls... but i am just too damn shy. why else would i be unable to get a girlfriend? i just can’t bring myself to even talk to them in the first place, so how on earth could things ever progress to a relationship with someone i cannot even talk to in the first place! i have asperger syndrome, for crying out loud. alright, later folks.

usa! usa! usa!

praise america! heil bush! this is the greatest country on earth! usa! usa! usa! wave the stars and stripes! the flag! for america! usa! we’re #1! july 4, 1776! what an awesome day! we just had july 4 and i love america, the greatest nation that ever has existed or ever will exist! we are so much better than any other nation could ever possibly be! usa #1! yee haw! vote republican! uncle sam wants you to join the army, so do it! red, white, and blue! world domination or bust! we rule you! our military spending is bigger than the rest of the world combined! suck on that, losers! we will destroy all who oppose us! all your base are belong to us! you have no chance to survive make your time! ha ha ha! what happen?!? somebody set up us the bomb! move zig! for great justice! usa #1! ve speek engrish en u.s.a.! engrish is official language! you speak?!? very nice, how much?!? i am from kazakhstan! yes!!! but i still love usa! greatest nation in this universe or any parallel universe! don’t question it, i’ve been to all of them! this one is #1 de best! we rule you! now and forever! destroy planet earth to protect it from those who would destroy it! we must burn village to save it! it takes a village to raise a child! the solution for too many guns on the streets is even more guns on the streets! if you are losing a war, try even harder to lose! we must save the lives of those who have not yet been born, for they are much more important than those who have already been born, whose lives are expendable! if the gap between rich and poor keeps widening, the only solution is to widen it even further! in soviet russia, car drives you! the only way to protect democracy is to give up our freedoms so we stop being a democracy! if people die from lack of health insurance, the solution is to increase the cost of health insurance, to give them more incentive not to buy it so they die faster! to be forward-thinking you must look at everything back-asswards! after all, in soviet russia, tv watches you! god bless america, my home sweet home! victory, comrades! for mother russia! whoops, i mean u.s.a.! vladimir putin will destroy you! chiggity check yo-self before you wreck yo-self! don’t push me cuz i’m close to the edge! wu-tang clan! we rule you! insert nonsense here! bob dole 2008!

the world ends tomorrow and you may die

tomorrow is x-day, the end of the world, according to the church of the subgenius. yes, it is the greatest holiday of the year in the subgenius calendar. tomorrow is july 5, 1998 in the subgenius calendar and july 5, 2007 in the conspiracy calendar. that means it is x-day 10, because the first x-day was celebrated on july 5, 1998 in the official conspiracy calendar. each year, the church of the subgenius proclaims it to be the real 1998, and claims that x-day is coming this year for real. at least, that has been the rule since 1998. and this year is no exception. of course, many groups and individuals have predicted the apocalypse throughout history, and so far, all of the predicted dates for the apocalypse have come and gone with no apocalypse actually occurring. what makes it different this time? well for one thing, the church of the subgenius has been celebrating x-day since before 1998. that’s right, since 1996 or even earlier, they have had x-day drills, where they would practice what to do on the actual x-day. technically, all of the x-day celebrations so far have been just x-day drills, in retrospect, because none of them happened on the actual x-day. now technically, you could say that not only the year 1998 but also the day and month july 5th are in question. that is why tex-day is celebrated. tex-day is like x-day except it is celebrated in texas, and it is may 7th, not july 5th. instead of 7/5 it is 5/7, you see? now people say that the apocalypse really happens in the year 8661, which is 1998 upside down. but it is not 8,661 years after the birth of jesus christ. no, it is 8,661 years after some event of cosmic significance in ancient atlantis, supposedly. so that could be any year at all. that is the basis for the theory that this year, 2007, is actually 1998, because 1998 is the upside-down 8661 from the calendar of atlantis. alright, so this all probably seems silly to you by now, which is good! now you think the apocalypse is funny and you no longer take it so seriously. of course you will be dead when the end of the world really comes. but i will be too! and nobody knows how that will happen, except perhaps the perpetrators, if it is carried out by people. in fact, with george w. bush as president, it is a miracle that the apocalypse hasn’t already happened, since he has access to the entire united states nuclear arsenal, and he is completely batshit insane (at least about some things). of course, some people actually diagnose george w. bush as having a normal personality and say he is actually above average in intelligence, but just intellectually lazy and uncurious. but who cares? either way he still sucks. at least dick cheney is not commander-in-chief. mutual assured destruction is m.a.d. and what if everyone got wiped out by a disease like the ebola virus? that could easily happen if a powerful enough disease came along. or earth could get struck by an asteroid. or we could be attacked by hostile aliens, which is the subgenius belief. the hostile aliens, or x-ists, are supposed to come from planet x, the 10th planet of the solar system. that belief is kind of out-of-date now that pluto is no longer a planet. but there is an easy explanation. planet x is made of dark matter so it is invisible. and planet v, the 5th planet, used to exist between mars and jupiter but it exploded aeons ago and all that is left of it is the asteroid belt, the little bits of debris that remain from the explosion. perhaps planet v exploded 8,661 years ago. it is an interesting theory, though probably not true. but anyway, that makes jupiter the 6th planet, saturn 7th, uranus 8th, and neptune 9th. so planet x is 10th and invisible because it is dark matter. it makes perfect sense! i love making things up. anyway, we don’t know for sure that the world ends tomorrow. and according to the laws of “probability”, it is highly unlikely. that is why people need to believe things like that on the basis of faith, not reason. through faith, anything is possible. and anyway, nobody can prove that hostile aliens will not destroy the earth tomorrow morning at 7:00 am eastern daylight savings time. so why question it? even bbc news printed a story today about ufos. the same ufos that may or may not invade the planet earth tomorrow morning! are you ready for whatever may or may not occur? not if you believe in logic, reason, and rationality! throw all those out the window and put your faith in a higher power... “bob”. now if, for some unbobly reason, 7 am on july 5th comes and goes and nothing happens, just like all the past times the apocalypse was predicted... the apocalypse will happen on july 5, 2008 at 7:00 am eastern daylight savings time. or any other date and time. who knows? but humanity cannot survive on the planet earth forever. sometime between now and 5 billion years from now, it’s all over. and it will probably be closer to right now than to 5 billion years from now. so why will it happen on july 5th at 7 am? why not? it’s just as good a guess as any other date and time. but if it happens then, at least there will be some people who expect it then.

impeach cheney... and bush

ok so why should we impeach dick cheney and george w. bush? here is why: lewis “scooter” libby was dick cheney’s closest and highest ranking adviser. “scooter” lied under oath as part of a criminal conspiracy for obstruction of justice to block an investigation by special prosecutor patrick fitzgerald into how the name of ambassador joseph wilson’s wife valerie plame was leaked to the media and reported in a syndicated column by right-wing pundit robert novak. dick cheney is currently blocking another investigation into his office by claiming that the vice president’s office is the fourth branch of government, separate but equal to the executive, legislative, and judicial branches. he also shot his friend in the face with a gun. and his daughter is a lesbian who wants to get gay-married even though president busy opposes gay marriage, and dick cheney supports his daughter’s view in favor of gay marriage or at least domestic partnerships. dick cheney created his own intelligence agency inside the vice president’s office to cook the books on intelligence to create a case to go to war against iraq. and dick cheney was the mastermind behind a scheme to get john ashcroft to sign off on torture while john ashcroft was sick in the hospital and bedridden and wanted nothing to do with signing off on torture. dick cheney arranged for his company halliburton to get no-bid contracts in iraq and for hurricane katrina reconstruction so halliburton could price-gouge the government and steal billions from our national treasury. as for george w. bush? he is the one who chose dick cheney as his running mate after dick cheney was in charge of the committee to search for a running mate and chose himself. george w. bush lied when he said anyone who had anything to do with leaking the name of valerie plame to the media would be fired. george w. bush led us into a quagmire in iraq that is much worse than vietnam because this quagmire is provoking a global terrorist threat against us and helping the terrorists train and recruit for their jihad against america. the threat from the people we fought in vietnam was nothing compared to that. george w. bush opposes the very gay marriage and/or civil unions that could help save dick cheney’s daughter from a life of not being married officially. and george w. bush commuted the sentence of lewis “scooter” libby so that the convicted felon would not serve any jail time, because he was wealthy and had connections and was a close friend of the vice president and all the stupid people felt sorry for this lucky idiot. and meanwhile regular people who commit perjury have to serve jail time. oh, i know that people say bill clinton committed perjury. but he was impeached and they failed to remove him from office. and there wasn’t enough evidence to get him on trial after he stopped being president. “scooter” libby, on the other hand, was tried and convicted by a court of law, and his appeal was thrown out because it was groundless. “scooter” will end up serving less jail time than paris hilton, another spoiled wealthy person who is very lucky just like “scooter”. and o.j. simpson. don’t forget him. he murdered nicole brown simpson and ron goldman, and ended up getting acquitted even though he was guilty, because he was wealthy and could afford the world’s best lawyers. there is one legal system for rich people who can afford top lawyers and another for the middle class who can afford lawyers but not the best, and a third one made up of public defenders, for the poor. the legal system is institutionally set up to benefit the wealthy and hurt the poor. and still, despite all that, the legal system convicted “scooter” libby and sentenced him to jail. so the president had to save him from going to jail because all the other conservative pundits felt sorry for poor “scooter”. well i don’t give a damn about “scooter” or about any of the stupid conservative pundits who advocated pardoning him. those people are all scum and we would be better off without any of them. the whole bush administration is corrupt and rotten to the core. it is like the mafia, and it is all about loyalty. if you are loyal to the boss, the boss will be loyal to you and make sure everyone else is too. that is how the bush administration runs things. if you are ever disloyal, you are thrown out. you lose your job and you have character assassination attempted at you through unflattering leaks to the press. that is why there was the whole u.s. attorney scandal. the u.s. attorneys were fired for not showing enough loyalty to president bush, not because they were bad at their jobs. some of the ones who were fired were doing very well at their jobs. but it is all about loyalty in the mafia and criminal gangs like the bush administration. they have to make a show of demonstrating their loyalty to “scooter” libby to demonstrate the carrot of being protected from investigation and prosecution if you remain loyal. and if you are not loyal, you get the stick instead, the one they used against joseph wilson. to attack him, they jeopardized the safety of his wife, who had been involved in covert cia operations in the past. they did that to send the message that if you show disloyalty, your family will be targeted. it is just like the mafia or a criminal gang. that’s why i say, impeach these thugs! let the punishment fit the crime! or in this case, many, many crimes! too many to count! congressman dennis kucinich has offered articles of impeachment against dick cheney. and last year, cynthia mckinney put out some articles of impeachment against george w. bush and dick cheney, right before she left office as a congresswoman. john conyers, house judiciary chairman, has in the past had a lot of pro-impeachment talk, although he has never shown any action in this area. if only everyone in congress were at least somewhat in favor of impeachment, as those 3 are. cynthia mckinney is no longer in congress, but there should be plenty of other people still in congress willing to impeach bush and cheney. forget all the talk about there not being enough votes to convict in the senate! that does not matter! the senate is full of irrelevant partisan hacks who are all political insiders and disconnected from the will of the american people! most americans would like an end to the bush administration, the sooner, the better! even right-wing extremist ann coulter wants it to end as soon as possible! so why not do it? several republicans in the senate are in open revolt against president bush now. there still exists a possibility that impeachment might actually work. how can you know for sure unless you try? and we really should try. there is no reason not to. the american people are dissatisfied with how the new congress is too wimpy to actually do anything bold, like ending the war in iraq or impeaching bush and cheney. what has congress actually done? who the hell knows? but if congress actually did something important like impeaching the president, people would take notice. and people would start paying more attention to what congress does and following it in the news, at least for a little while. and that is a good thing, because the media gives too much free airtime to president bush and his cronies, and not enough to congress. this would help to even the scales and bring some balance back into the public debate, which has been influenced too much by our deranged president and not enough by other voices. but congress is its own worst enemy. the people in congress cannot do anything about this because they are too chickenshit scared about doing anything controversial that might get anyone upset with them. congress is full of cowards who are afraid to stand up and fight. it is time for the people in congress to get some guts or balls or whatever you prefer calling it, and stand up and fight the administration for real. an all-out political war, a constitutional crisis, that sort of thing. it is just what our country needs right now, to revitalize our democratic political system and checks and balances and separation of powers and the constitution. before we can defend freedom we have to have the freedom to defend. let us ensure that we have a democracy worth defending, before we send people to fight and die for freedoms that we don’t even really have anymore. and neocons, if you don’t like being held accountable for your actions, move to iraq, a neoconservative paradise of lawlessness where you can get away with anything! good luck. you will need it to survive in the hellish dystopia that you created.

had birthday party

well today i had a birthday party, even though my birthday was june 18th, not today. but that was a monday, and besides, my dad was in austria at the time. so i held the celebration on a weekend when my father could be here along with my mother and i, and our dog. we also had many guests, including 7 people who actually showed up. it was a good time. we had spedies and everything. yeah... good times. oh well... not much to say about it. eh, i ate too much food. i have been getting fatter and fatter lately. i plan on undoing that and losing weight, of course. hmm. i think i have to go to the bathroom. well, i will just post this short little entry and be done with this blog for now!