the future

in the future, the human race will split into 2 separate species: 1 tall, slender, attractive, and intelligent, and 1 short, fat, ugly, and stupid, according to an article in the bbc news, and since bbc news is the most trusted news source in the entire world, obviously this article is 100% true.

in the local newspaper the press and sun bulletin, s.r. dickman, a professor of geophysics at binghamton university, wrote recently about global warming, and about how the effects of humans on global warming are minimal... but global warming is real and will wipe out all life on earth completely, within a mere 1 billion years! that’s right, we only have 1 billion years left on this planet before the sun increases its light output to the extent where the entire planet earth will be too hot for liquid water to exist, killing all life on earth. thus, we all need to move to mars or somewhere else. i suggest the attractive, smart people can all move to mars, leaving ugly, stupid people behind on earth, once humanity is 2 separate species. we only have 1 billion years to do it so we had better hurry up!

now obviously hillary clinton is going to be the next president of the united states. i was hoping that perhaps some other democrat could unseat her from being front-runner in the caucuses and primaries, but barack obama did not maintain his lead in iowa for very long, and she has shown resilience in new hampshire. the republicans are not uniting around mike huckabee as much as i thought would happen in my last post. instead, there are more and more republican candidates who now have a shot at winning. rudy giuliani has the highest numbers nationally but is doing quite badly in iowa and new hampshire, and has a ridiculous gamble of a strategy banking on florida of all states. mitt romney has the most money and was the front-runner in all the early voting states until very recently, and is still top in new hampshire. john mccain was left for dead long ago but recent endorsements have given him a big boost in poll numbers in the last week, and he is close behind mitt romney in new hampshire. and mike huckabee has emerged as the #1 choice in iowa. tom tancredo dropped out of the race. but the real story is ron paul and how his legions of devoted followers have managed to raise record sums of money on 2 separate days this year, and how half the people on the internet are devoted ron paul supporters, despite him not registering in the polls. similarly, though, dennis kucinich is ranked #1 in several polls of progressive activists, namely the polls of democracy for america, progressive democrats of america, and the nation magazine. and interestingly enough, john edwards is the #2 choice in all those polls of progressive activists, not barack obama! i was kind of suprised by that, because i was mostly ignoring john edwards. so why are the #1 picks of activists so low in the polls, and why are dennis kucinich and ron paul not doing well? it is because of the media hand-picking who the front-runners and “viable candidates” are, based on polls that happen almost 2 years before the general election. anyway, my point with all of this is, the media is not going to allow someone like ron paul or dennis kucinich to win. the media are really the ones who control the outcome here. and that is why hillary clinton is going to win... i mean she even has the support of rupert murdoch, the owner of fox news, the wall street journal, the new york post, and many other media outlets in the united states, britain, and australia. there is no way she can be defeated in the primaries now. as for the republicans, any of the ones still in the race could win, except for duncan hunter. this includes rudolph giuliani, mitt romney, john mccain, mike huckabee, fred thompson, and ron paul. yes, i am including ron paul as a remote possibility, because the republicans are in such disarray, anything could happen, even him winning. anyway, none of the republican candidates is someone who appeals to a majority of republicans, because each of them goes against their party’s base on a few key issues, different ones for each candidate. meanwhile, the top 3 democratic candidates, hillary clinton, barack obama, and john edwards, all have very similar views on all the issues, so you can either choose based on the minor differences in their views, or things such as their personality or experience. if you look 4 years ago at the candidacies of rev. al sharpton and that black woman who ran (the one who used to be a senator from illonois), you see that there is not much support for black candidates, even among democrats. so now we have barack obama, who white people love because he doesn’t make them feel guilty about slavery or segregation or racism or stuff like that, but black people can’t seem to unite behind him because a lot of them don’t trust him and think he is a sellout like colin powell and condi rice. but it is funny... even though all the white people like barack obama, people are still choosing other candidates instead, saying that he is too inexperienced or some crap like that. we do hear funny things like what a fine articulate young man he is and how it is wonderful that he is getting involved in politics instead of being in a street gang or making that awful rap music. but then everyone starts accusing him of being a muslim terrorist trained to be a suicide bomber at a madrassa in indonesia, whose ultimate goal is to destroy the united states by becoming president and then handing over control of the country to al qaeda and osama bin laden. so anyway, he has a lot of things working against him... racism... people who think he is inexperienced (despite all his experience as majority leader of his state senate before he came to washington). plus, there are just more women in the united states than black people, so hillary clinton has a natural base of support from her fellow women. and all the other democratic candidates have just been ignored by the media and treated like they have no chance. and when the media treats you that way, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. the media is choosing who the candidates are, and they are the ones who decided barack obama should be the runner-up to hillary clinton. i think the media is trying to cause complete chaos on the republican side because many in the media have seen how badly republicans ran government from when bush took office in january 2001 until the democrats took over congress in january 2007. either that, or perhaps the media really wanted republicans to unite behind someone like rudy giuliani but the republican party base balked at it after looking at his record. anyway, the republicans are running on a record of years of failure and ruining this country and the world, and their popularity is quite low, and they are demoralized and fighting amongst themselves, and they cannot find a leader to unite behind because every leading contender for their leader is a big disappointment to them in many ways. so in 2008 it looks like congress and the white house will be mortal enemies and bush will veto everything (even though he never vetoed anything when the previous republican congress was racking up gigantic deficits year after year). the war in iraq will continue all throughout 2008 (and president bush has proposed a permanent u.s. military presence in iraq, after all). congress will be unable to stop the war, since they have been such a failure at stopping it this year. and what have we seen with all the earmarks in the omnibus appropriations bill? well, earmarks much are lower for 2007 than in 2006. and it seems rep. ron paul of texas, the presidential candidate who claims to oppose earmarks, is actually a big beneficiary of them, with several major ones he put in for his district. hypocrisy anyone? congress does have a leader in the fight against earmarks, rep. jeff flake of arizona, who actually takes no earmarks for his district, and he has a few buddies now who have joined him, but they are of little significance compared to the vast majority of congress who are all supporters of earmarks. but we must remember that the u.s. supreme court is 4/9 made up of ultra-right-wing radicals, and 7/9 made up of republicans. hopefully president hillary clinton will be able to take on the supreme court. while she is not my #1 or #2 choice for president, she is going to win anyway, since the media has picked her and the system is rigged, so i might as well just accept it.

anyway, did you know that the religious right once strongly opposed celebrating christmas and considered it a pagan holiday? history has been rewritten many times about christmas, which has its orgins in celebrations of the winter solstice, which led to the roman empire having a holiday called saturnalia to celebrate the god saturn that the planet saturn is named after (poseidon in greek). and the character of santa claus only gradually came into being, mainly in the 1800s with cartoons by thomas nast. also, why are republicans called the g.o.p., or grand old party, when the democrats go back way further? the first democrat to be president was thomas jefferson, many years before the first republican, abraham lincoln. the democratic party started when there was a personal dispute between the secretary of state for president george washington, thomas jefferson, and the secretary of treasury, alexander hamilton. alexander hamilton founded the federalist party and thomas jefferson founded the democrats (originally called the democratic-republican party but later shortened to just the democratic party). after the federalists fell apart, a new 2nd party was formed, the whig party, which lasted a few decades in the 1800s as the 2nd biggest party after the democrats. but the whigs fell apart too, and in the aftermath of the collapse of the whigs, the republican party was formed, and it quickly grew to become the largest political party within a few years after being founded. there were times in the late 1800s when the democratic party seemed like it might go the way of the federalists and the whigs and collapse into oblivion, but luckily, we had people like boss tweed to keep it going. boss tweed was a political boss in new york city that, like santa claus, was caricatured by cartoonist thomas nast. there was only one democrat elected president in the late 1800s, namely grover cleveland, and the others were all republicans. since that time, republicans have continued to dominate, and the only democratic presidents since grover cleveland have been woodrow wilson, franklin delano roosevelt, harry truman, john f. kennedy, lyndon johnson, jimmy carter, and bill clinton. so, despite their current disarray, republicans have shown themselves to be the dominant force in presidential elections ever since abraham lincoln. but democrats have been around since 1789 and we will keep going no matter what. until global warming kills all life on earth in a billion years. or until humanity becomes 2 separate species in the year 3000. even then, in the year 3000, we democrats will continue to represent one of the 2 species. probably the ugly, stupid one, out of pity for them.

anyway, i have a solution to the illegal immigration problem and to the military recruiting problem: send illegal immigrants as soldiers to iraq or wherever else we fight stupid wars. when they come home, if they manage to make it back alive without going awol or doing any friendly fire, we can make them citizens and even let them vote. we might even let them pay income taxes! now what if the illegal immigrants are women or elderly? well they can be soldiers too? and what about if they are kids? hey, africa uses child soldiers, we could use some too! who cares? if they don’t want to fight for us, we can just send the illegal immigrants back to their countries of origin. but it would be sort of like a draft. then, since the military would no longer be all-volunteer, we could lower the salaries and benefits of soldiers, dramatically cutting military spending while allowing more soldiers to be put on the payroll. we could give them less expensive training, less expensive equipment, and instead just rely on having millions and millions of soldiers. we could also eliminate unemployment and homelessness in a similar manner, and rescue people stuck in refugee camps around the world (like refugees from palestine or iraq) and let them become soldiers for us too, for minimal pay, of course. using such methods, we could eventually grow the military to have over 1 billion soldiers working at sweatshop wages, poorly equipped and trained, with cheap guns and ammo they had to build out of scrap metal and spare parts using instructions they found on the internet. and we would have a very wonderful healthcare system for our soldiers: if you complain about being sick, you get shot dead. then everyone would be healthy all the time. at least everyone who is alive. and of course we can genetically engineer a new race of super-soldier, using secret nazi science techniques that have been considered unethical since 1945. this army of over a billion soldiers would be used as cannon fodder in defending the planet earth from an invasion of aliens from outer space. of course, by that time, everybody who is anybody will already be safely living on mars, and only losers will be stuck back on earth. all of this will come to pass unless ron paul is elected president, since only he can stop open borders and the north american union and new world order, while pursuing a foreign policy of isolationism as advocated by our first president, george washington.

speaking of ron paul, 9/11 conspiracy theories are very popular among his supporters, but also in the general public. here are my top 10 favorite ones:

1) saddam hussein was behind the 9/11 attacks.
2) the bush administration was behind the 9/11 attacks.
3) the jews and israel were behind the 9/11 attacks.
4) the democrats and bill clinton were behind the 9/11 attacks.
5) vladimir putin and the secret soviet union that still exists were behind the 9/11 attacks.
6) an undead clone of adolf hitler from transylvania was behind the 9/11 attacks.
7) the real darth vader (you know, the one who actually exists, not the fake one in movies) was behind the 9/11 attacks.
8) space aliens from a parallel universe in the future were behind the 9/11 attacks.
9) an underground race of humanoid robots built in the center of earth (i.e., hell) by satan and his demons was behind the 9/11 attacks.
10) the 9/11 attacks never actually happened, and the world trade center never even existed in the first place, and it was all staged by hollywood and the media and the government all conspiring together. also, there is no such thing as osama bin laden or al qaeda or even the religion of islam, and aeroplanes do not exist either, nor does the geometric shape of a pentagon.

personally, i think conspiracy theory #10 from that list is the most likely out of all of them. anyway, i predict that september 11 will happen again in the future, not only once, but every single year! the only solution is to change our calendars. and we have to leave earth before humanity splits into 2 separate species. i predict the end of the world will happen on x-day, namely july 5, 1998 at 7:00 am. we will need to escape on pleasure saucers going to planet x. and while july 5, 1998 seems like a date in the past, it is actually in the future, once we change our calendars to eliminate september 11. that is because the year 1998 is really upside down and the real year for the end of the world is 8661. and the human race already split into 2 separate species, long ago: homo sapiens and homo subgenius. on this pagan holiday of christmas which is based on the roman holiday of saturnalia and full of all sorts of other pagan traditions like trees and gifts and santa claus and reindeer and the north pole, let us reflect on all the gifts we have been given. let us thank the united states government for giving each and every american $30,000 worth of debt, as their personal share of the national debt. let us thank republicans for cutting taxes and increasing spending whenever they are in office, putting us all deeper in debt. and hopefully a republican other than ron paul, one who supports the war in iraq, will be the next president, so we can carry out president bush’s brilliant plan for a permanent u.s. war in that country. we must never waver in our determination to get as many of our soldiers killed as possible in stupid and pointless wars that waste hundreds of billions of dollars and kill hundreds of thousands of people! only a republican will have the courage and strength and leadership to send our men and women in uniform off to certain doom and still not have any trouble sleeping at night or have any doubts about it. osama bin laden has publicly stated many times that his strategy is to trick us into fighting stupid wars and bankrupting our nation. only republican leadership can play into osama bin laden’s hands and deliver him complete victory in his war against us. vote republican next year, in essence delivering a third term to bush by putting in office someone who will have the exact same policies as bush. because christmas is about giving gifts, so why not give the terrorists the gift of victory? if we leave iraq now, that will ruin the terrorist strategy of luring us into unwinnable wars and getting us to waste all our money on it until our nation goes bankrupt. that is not in the christmas spirit. let us all send a message to our troops in uniform that we support letting them all get killed needlessly, and oppose any effort by anyone trying to save their lives by bringing them back out of harm’s way. i mean, you either support the troops, or you don’t. you either want our troops killed, or you support the terrorists. when they signed up to be soldiers, in essence, they were writing suicide notes. shouldn’t we assist our soldiers in their mass suicide by sending them off to get slaughtered by hostile muslim nations? this assisted suicide would help correct the male-female ratio imbalance caused by all the female babies killed in china because of the chinese 1-child policy and bias towards having sons. and then we could either send all our women to china, or import men from china to replace those killed in iraq, in order to get the male-female ratio back to 1:1.

anyway, september 11 never happened. that date is not even on the calendar. at least not my calendar, because i changed it. the only way to defeat terrorists is to prove that they do not exist, and then they will simply vanish into thin air. that is the same thing that happened to god. and you know how jesus was born in the year zero? well the year zero never happened, at least not officially. there is actually a conspiracy to cover up the fact that the year zero really did happen, and jesus was born that year, the forbidden year that nobody is allowed to ever talk about. and you don’t even want to know what happened on september 11 in the year zero. i still remember that day like it was yesterday. ah, whatever... this whole post is just one big joke... merry x-mas... if you have seen the show futurama you would know that the pronunciation christmas is archaic, at least in the year 3000. futurama is coming back with new episodes in 2008... in the future! on comedy central, instead of the cartoon network. and to think, the show was originally on fox... and fox is run by rupert murdoch... and rupert murdoch supports hillary clinton... who will be president in the future. as you see, everything is connected. since the outcome of the election next year is already predetermined, why even vote? well... what would jesus do? especially the baby jesus? what would a little baby do? you guessed it right... jesus would run for president and win. let us only hope that jesus will see his shadow under the mistletoe this year when he comes out of the cave and then it will be another 3 weeks of winter... or is that groundhog day when that happens? where is the easter bunny when you need him? anyway, according to jewish law i am jewish because of my maternal ancestry, so happy belated hannukah! i wonder if bill clinton will dress like a woman once he is first lady. praise santa!