this sucks

i would like to express my strong disgust and dislike for how things are going in the world today and also in my own personal life. i should probably focus on my own personal life because most of the horrible things going on in the world today do not really affect me and there is nothing i can do about any of them. my life sucks, basically. i am sick and tired of watching time go by. the passage of time is the most pernicious of all evils, it seems to me. all of my faults as a person and all of my misfortunes and bad luck have together managed to ruin most aspects of my life. i am aware that many people actually have it much worse off than i do. but, my dissatisfaction with my life has been a fact of my existence for many years, and it seems it will continue for quite some time.

primarily, my problem is a social one. you see, i was never a very social person, and did not have social skills, due to the fact that i probably have asperger syndrome. when i switched from elementary school to junior high at the beginning of 7th grade, i started having a much more difficult time fitting in, and getting picked on a lot, and i never had any friends. so in 7th grade, when i was 12 years old, i started seeing psychologists because i was having so much trouble socially and had no friends and was so miserable. basically, none of them ever helped, and in 12th grade, the problem was worse than ever, so at that time, i was put on my first psychiatric medication, an antidepressant called paxil, by my pediatrician, at age 17. that occurred in the year 2000, a very important time in my life, soon before i graduated high school. now, i always had the highest grades of anyone in my class and i always took the most advanced classes, and nobody else was even close in the contest to see who would be valedictorian. supposedly the smartest person in my class, i still had no friends and was picked on all the time, considered a nerd, a geek, a dweeb, a weirdo, a loser, whatever. anyway, i was always bad at all sports i tried in gym class, and picked last for the teams. and athletics was much more important than academics at my school, at least in terms of status among peers. the most popular kids were the guys on the football team or the girls who were cheerleaders. i had a great deal of envy towards the other students, who i thought had it much better than me, and i also felt very bitter, and angry, and hateful, and like i was a victim. when i heard about school shootings such as the ones at columbine, i sympathized much more with the shooters than with the people who they shot, because their stories of being bullied and made fun of and not having friends and being loners, it was just like what i faced, even though i was valedictorian and was in all the most advanced classes getting the highest grades. i felt a tremendous amount of attraction towards the pretty girls in my grade, but it seemed completely and utterly hopeless to do anything at all to try to get any of them to be my girlfriend. it seemed like a hopelessly unachievable dream, and that if i ever tried, my rejection would be all but certain, and i would become a laughingstock for being such a loser that no girl wanted to go out with. i was incredibly shy and whenever i tried to talk to anyone (of either gender), if it was a social situation, i would be so nervous i would be unable to think straight or say much of anything coherent. so i never got invited to any parties or anything. well, oddly enough, that changed when i was a senior in high school. i actually got invited to graduation parties when we all graduated, which really surprised me. and for once, in that month when we all graduated, in june of 2000, people were not being mean to me all the time, and they actually seemed to treat me as sort of an equal, with some respect! it was quite strange and unnerving to me and i kept thinking something screwy was going on, and that these people couldn’t possibly actually be nice to me and be friendly to me without it being some kind of trick to embarrass me and make me look bad and make me feel miserable. i did not trust anyone at all and was extremely paranoid and thought everyone was out to get me, and i had been feeling that way ever since 7th grade. there had been a number of incidents throughout high school where my paranoia was proven correct and it turned out that everyone really was out to get me, or at least it seemed that way to me. now i had to give a valedictorian speech to all these people i hated who had made my life a living hell, but i managed to deliver a nice speech that sounded like i actually liked these people, although i was so nervous that i had both diarrhea and vomiting from all my anxiety, and i think people could hear the anxiety in my voice when i delivered that speech. for quite some time, i had been getting physically ill, getting diarrhea and vomiting, from the anxiety of social situations, but usually i would just get one at a time, get vomiting right before school or on the extremely rare occasion i am at a party, and diarrhea more often than the vomiting, while i am at school, or at home, or whenever. anyway, i always blamed all of my problems on other people, who i saw as all being out to get me and all evil and nasty and untrustworthy, and even when people acted nice i thought they were up to something devious to try to screw me over. the only creature i had any real trust in or any real love for was my dog mokka, and it seemed to me that everyone else was my enemy. and i thought religion had to be wrong because i thought everyone else besides me was evil for mistreating me so badly, and that they all deserved hell regardless of what they believed, and only i deserved heaven, but since that was not what any religion taught, religion had to be wrong and this meant no afterlife and nothing supernatural existed, no god(s) or magic or anything silly like that. i thought that many people who believe in christianity and go to church are actually evil, nasty people who deserve the eternal torment of hell. and i thought that maybe there might actually be some good people out there who do not believe in any sort of silly religious nonsense, and even if i was the only good person, that at least meant 1 good person who did not believe. but anyway, i was very paranoid and did not trust anyone or have any friends, and still viewed everyone else as my enemy. this did not mean that i treated anyone badly or anything. i was always very nice, since other people terrified me so much and i did not want to antagonize them because i thought they would gang up on me with all the other people who i thought were my enemies. i viewed picking on someone or insulting them or bullying them in any way as a way of demonstrating hostility and evil intent and dislike and basically the fact that whoever is doing the insulting or bullying is the sworn enemy of the victim, and the idea of picking on someone in a friendly way and just joking around was very much beyond my understanding.

now starting around the last month of high school and going up until the end of my first semester of college, i started to change a great deal. i started to actually trust other people enough to think that they are not all really out to get me like i used to think, and that maybe if they act nice, they might actually mean it. but i was still not sure about it, and still thought the chances were about 50/50, and did not want to push my luck by actually showing any interest in other people. i still thought that if i ever showed any interest in a girl, it would mean certain rejection. once i got into college and got courageous enough to actually ask a very small number of girls out on very rare occasions, i found that whenever i show interest in a girl, i really am rewarded with certain rejection, and no girl has ever really shown me any affection or responded positively to my advances. except for one. but the one who did respond positively to my advances, well that was a unique situation and one i would not like to ever replicate, because it was very pathetic and somewhat tragic. but i am getting ahead of myself... that does not happen until later in time. for now we will talk about my first semester in college and the time leading up to it. well anyway, i was starting to become more social around the time of the graduation parties for high school, and at some of them i consumed alcohol, whenever it was available. and i had gone to the senior prom without a date because i was too scared to ask any girls out plus i figured all the pretty ones were probably taken and i had no interest in girls who were not pretty and it just seemed hopeless, and i was actually suicidal back in may 2000 in the weeks leading up to the prom. and then there was the class trip to boston, which was when i started to find myself gaining acceptance socially, and i got drunk with some other students and vomited in the restroom of a hotel room where some girls were staying, where a party was taken place, quite memorably for me. and on the day before my birthday, on june 17, 2000, after a graduation party that happened a little early, i went to a club at 11:30 pm, driven there by 3 very beautiful young women, half an hour before my 18th birthday, and they let me into the club even though you had to be 18 to get in, because i was only half an hour early, and that event was quite memorable. a whole lot of kids from my graduating class were going to that club that night, and these hot girls apparently were one of the few cars going there who had an empty seat available in their car, and somehow i managed to arrange to go with them, at a graduation party that happened earlier that day. this was all extremely unbelievable to me. and anyway, i went there with them and they drove me home and we went to wendy’s in the middle of the night and it was just quite odd and made no sense. i wanted to have sex with all of them but i was too afraid to really talk to them about much of anything. so nothing really happened but it still amazed me. and when i graduated high school, the mother of another pretty girl told me how that girl used to come home every day and tell the mother how great i was and how much she liked me, and a few years earlier, that girl had a secret admirer and had been hoping it was me, but instead it turned out to be this other guy who she didn’t like at all, but she ended up going out with him because he was so persistent and wouldn’t give up, even though he was the most annoying guy in the world. anyway, i was quite shocked that anyone female would actually like me, and found it impossible to believe. but enough of this... anyway, around this time i started not only to drink excessively on occasion, but to smoke cigarettes. i started smoking in mid-august of 2000 because a friend of mine got me started. yes, i actually had a friend, although i had never realized it before, and had always thought of myself as not having any friends. sometimes you do not even notice that someone is a friend, and just feel all alone in the world, forgetting about people who you have done stuff with. so when i got to college, in the first week, i partied a lot with 2 of my roommates (i had 3 roommates), going to frat parties, getting extremely drunk, smoking lots of cigarettes. after the first week i gradually started to get sick of the frat parties and of getting drunk, and i stopped going to frat parties with my roommates, but i kept smoking cigarettes with them and hanging out with them. these 2 roommates were both filthy rich and loved to waste lots of money, and one of them was a real asshole, and the other was a real ladies’ man who had a somewhat high-pitched voice that girls, for some strange reason, really found appealing. there were a lot of other strange characters who hung out with us, especially this crazy kid from washington, d.c., who would do anything people dared him to do, no matter how crazy. this kid had no inhibitions whatsoever. on one occasion he was dared to break a glass beer bottle over his head, and he tried to do it but the bottle didn’t break and it made his head hurt really bad. so naturally, he tried again, but hit harder the second time, and it still didn’t break. he kept trying and finally around the fourth time the glass shatters and there are shards of glass everywhere and his head started bleeding a lot. one of my roommates called 911 and this crazy kid went off to the hospital, his head bleeding, and he wanted to break more bottles over his head to prove how crazy he was, but everyone was telling him no and to stop. another time, someone dared him to hold his arm on the electric stove while it was turned on, and i think they only dared him to do it for like 30 seconds, but he ended up doing it for like 3 minutes, and he got 3rd-degree burns on his arm shaped like a giant spiral that perfectly matched the burner on top of the electric stove. naturally, he had to go to the emergency room again for this one. oh, and this kid also drank a whole lot and fell asleep on our couch (instead of a dorm room, we had, like, a giant apartment, since it was designed for faculty-in-residence, so we had a lot of parties there), and anyway, when he fell asleep, he would always pee a lot during his sleep, just like how my current dog pees in his sleep on the couch. anyway, i had once been very hard-working at academics and done all my homework, but under the bad influence of my new friends, i started to become a slacker, skipping class, not doing homework, smoking and drinking and misbehaving. around october of 2000, my roommates and their friends started smoking weed, mary jane, grass, marijuana, you know what it is. and i smoked it with them a few times until one time it gave me a really really bad panic attack. i actually thought i was dying. it felt like my heart was going to explode. my heart was beating really fast and i had really bad chest pain and i was sweating a lot and i actually thought my heart had exploded and the blood was coming out through a hole in my chest, but then i put my hands where i thought the blood was coming out and it turned out it was only sweat on my chest. i thought i was going to die that night and i went to sleep thinking i would not wake up the next morning, and that this was the end of my life, and i had so many regrets, and i thought i was going to fade away into the empty abyss of nothingness, that whatever “soul” i had would cease to exist completely, and that my short, meaningless life was all over and that after a funeral and some weeping by people i know, people would all move on and forget about me, and that i never really accomplished anything or got anything i wanted and that everything i had ever done was pointless and in vain, and that i was having my life cut short before i could ever accomplish anything or achieve any greatness or become famous or change history or save the world or anything. so i woke up the next morning and i was alive and actually seemed to be perfectly fine and it was very surreal because for a while i actually wondered if maybe i was dead and was a ghost or something, but no, i was alive and, seemingly, perfectly healthy. i kept having more severe panic attacks where i had chest pains and thought my heart was stopping and i ended up going to the gannett health center on the cornell campus and they were the ones who finally told me that it was a panic attack and i was not in danger. of course, i did not believe them or trust them at all, and thought it was a lie and i was really dying. but after going to the gannett health center a few more times and seeing my psychiatrist and psychologist some more and stuff like that, i realized it was true and it was just panic attacks, even though i had never heard of panic attacks before coming to the campus health center. anyway, i had to quit smoking weed, quit smoking cigarettes, and quit drinking, and i got put on higher doses of psychiatric medications. i kept having really bad panic attacks where i thought i was dying, until i gradually lost my will to live, and then panic attacks no longer worked because when i thought i was dying it actually seemed like it would be a sweet release from the terrible pain of living. then later that year i was obsessed with this girl and asked her out and she said no and i pretty much went insane and had a practically psycho obsession with her, plus she ended up dating the 3rd roommate, the one who did not drink or smoke, who was a worse nerd/dork/dweeb/geek than me who liked star trek, and i thought that was totally retarded and lame and i was all like “wtf?” so i met another girl online on the internet because she found me on the icq instant messaging program and i ended up going to her prom and we were supposed to have sex because we both agreed to it in advance but then she changed her mind, and then 2 years ago, in november 2005, she and i agreed to finally do it and have sex so i drove all the way to new hampshire just to have sex for the first time in my life when i was 23, and it wasn’t any good, because she was very obese and i was not attracted to her at all or turned on at all so i was incapable of getting an erection to have the sex since arousal is sort of necessary for that all to work, but anyway, that is four and a half years later than back in the spring of 2001 when i went to the prom with this girl at her high school, and in a way she was just using me because she needed a prom date and went on the internet to find someone, anyone at all, and it happened to be me. and then later in that year of 20001, 9/11 changed everything, because i was sitting in math class that morning on september 11, 2001, and near the end of the class, some random dude who wasn’t even in the class came into the room and announced that a plane had hit the world trade center, and everyone was like no way, you are totally bullshitting me, but this dude was like, no i am for real y’all, someone flew a plane into the world trade center, probably just an accident. so i was like wtf? and went back to my dorm to the tv lounge and watched the news there with other people and when the towers fell down and the pentagon was hit i was worrying about whether i had to go to the rest of my classes that day or if i could skip them and if our nation being under attack would be a good excuse for missing classes, since after all our college was nowhere near new york city or the pentagon and maybe we are supposed to keep on attending classes no matter what happens in the news, who knows? eh, so anyway, i sorta got through the rest of college ok, i went to my classes most of the time, did about half the homework, went to all the exams, and there was another semester that i had to leave early and get incompletes in all my classes because my anxiety and panic attacks got too strong for me to handle, and that was when i was working on a computer program to predict the stock market and make lots of money. for a while i was working on the computer program to predict the stock market and i actually thought it worked. but eventually once the project was finished i tested it on a different set of data and it totally failed. the computer program failed to outperform the market average with its recommended stock picks. so anyway, i just barely managed to graduate since i had to finish this artificial intelligence project as one of the incompletes, right before graduation, because i kept procrastinating it, and i was kind of worried about how it didn’t work in predicting the stock market, but i figured, hey, at least that will keep my teacher from stealing the source code and using it to make lots of money, and it is probably for the best if other people think my program to predict the stock market doesn’t work, but i can continue to work on it in secret and perfect it until it really does work. unfortunately, after i graduated, it turned out i am too lazy to work on the stock market program, although i could really use the money, and being a billionaire could be a lot of fun. imagine... actually having sex for a second time in my life, maybe even a third or fourth... with someone i am actually attracted to... and having my penis actually function properly... naw, that’ll never happen. anyway, since i graduated cornell with my double major in computer science and math, things have not gone so well. i have had a few jobs, nothing too good, and spent most of the time unemployed, and still have never had a girlfriend. and i committed myself to psychiatric wards twice in the 3 years since i graduated, both times for being suicidal. see, the problem is quite simple: i can observe the fact that time continues to pass all the time, right? but nothing ever seems to improve or get any better in my life. all of my problems that are unresolved continue to be unresolved. i never actually get anything i want. all my needs remain unfulfilled. and i am stuck because i cannot get myself to actually do anything, to put the least bit of effort into anything in life, and even when i do decide to do something to improve my life, i keep procrastinating it more and more until it is quite late. for example, my computer is broken, because the northbridge fan on the motherboard no longer works, and that is needed for cooling to keep the circuits from getting fried. so what do i do? do i fix it? do i take it to a computer repair shop? do i contact the manufacturer for help? do i pray to god to magically fix my computer while i am asleep next to it without making any noises loud enough to disturb my slumber? no, i just do nothing at all to get it fixed. and my laundry... my clothes are all dirty, but do i wash them? no... i just procrastinate and i am all like, oh i’ll do that shit later, but i never actually get around to doing it. i am just incredibly lazy. but i was not always like that. i just started being a slacker back when i was a freshman in college and was drinking and smoking and hanging out with the wrong crowd. but some things have improved, i guess. i can talk to other people without getting diarrhea or vomiting, and actually think and speak coherently, even if they are attractive young women. that used to be impossible for me. unfortunately, there are not that many attractive young women in my workplace where i have a job, except for a few who have boyfriends, and i do not really do much else outside of the house besides go to my job, so there is no way for me to meet people, except perhaps on the internet. but the internet is evil, a creation of satan himself! i don’t really believe that of course, but it sounds funny when i say that, at least to me. from time to time, i find myself thinking thoughts like i wish i was never born, i hate my life, i wish i were dead, my life sucks, i am a loser, i hate myself, and that sort of thing. i do not have the energy right now to put quotation marks around all those thoughts. anyway, these negative thoughts and this low self-esteem seem to be a really bad problem for me, mentally, and i can’t seem to get rid of these negative thoughts or get my self-esteem any higher. supposedly i am smart and good-looking. smart because i was valedictorian and completed a double major in 2 difficult subjects at cornell. and good-looking because my mom tells me i am good-looking. and once there was actually a girl who told me that (but she had a boyfriend, she was just telling me i was good-looking for some random reason, who knows why). but i think all that good-looking stuff is in the past. now i am fat and ugly because i eat too much and weigh a lot more than before... 200 pounds is what it has been lately... it actually got above 210 a few weeks ago but i got it back down to under 200 and now it is back over 200 again. i hate fat people. it sucks that i am officially categorized as obese because, as someone who hates fat people, this means i hate myself. not that i didn’t already hate myself, this just increases the level of hatred. anyway, i really want a girlfriend, but not just any girl/woman will do. but it is strange. i am insane, or at least i think of myself as insane. i actually removed one of my toenails back in april of this year 2007. i was just trimming the edges of it and usually i just cut around the top of the toenails but there was a pointy bit on one of the sides so i trimmed that off and then for some reason i found the bottom part of the nail was detachable so i trimmed the bottom side and eventually most of the nail was gone except for the part underneath, the little part where it comes out of, and then that just came out, it was loose, surrounded by some gooey fluid or something, and once i took that bottom part out, my nail was gone completely, forever. now i have 9 toenails. i feel like vincent van gogh after he chopped off his ear. i am like wtf? and i am wondering why the hell i did this and what do i do now, especially now that i know i am completely batshit insane. ugh. anyway, my life sucks, it always has sucked, and it always will suck. my affection towards potential mates of the opposite sex is never returned, and my ambitions towards financial success are never rewarded with any sort of increased monetary supply in the form of a stable revenue stream of sufficient income to finance the extravagant sort of luxurious lifestyle that i obviously deserve after all of the pain and suffering i have been through in this stupid waste of a life.

of course i am being facetious when i claim i deserve an extravagant, luxurious lifestyle. i don’t believe anyone is entitled to anything like that. like kids who have wealthy parents are not entitled to inherit anything. having encountered such individuals in person at cornell, as well as having seen the exploits of people such as paris hilton on television and the internet, i am quite well aware that these little brats don’t deserve a penny of the money their parents and/or older ancestors earned (or stole). i just want to be able to make enough money to live on my own and not be stuck living with my parents. it sucks how even though we have economic growth now (a few years ago the economy was much worse, during dubya’s 1st term), all the money is going to the top 1%, and the standard of living of people who are average and lower is actually going down. for most people, the united states is gradually devolving into a 3rd world country. all the high-paying jobs are going away and replaced with low-paying ones. people take on second and third jobs just to make ends meet, and more and more people are entering the labor market because it no longer works for one member of a couple to not have a job. people are tricked into getting credit cards and buying too much, or getting loans and buying stuff they cannot afford, getting mortgages and buying houses they cannot afford. most people do not really make that much money, and buy things beyond their means, and our entire economy is based on a stack of cards, on consumer spending by people who cannot afford to pay for what they buy, but the money has to come from somewhere, and then everyone goes bankrupt because nobody can pay their bills. i make barely enough money to pay my bills. and 40% of americans, including me, have never lived without having a bush or clinton in the white house (either as president or vice president). countries like myanmar have repressive dictatorships and use their militaries to massacre their own civilian populations whenever there is any kind of protest, and they kill innocent people, and nobody is punished for these atrocities. the united states is allied with nations such as saudi arabia, egypt, and jordan which do not have any freedom or democracy, repressive dictatorhips... and saudi arabia is just as bad a theocracy and fascist dictatorship as iran (iran, of course, finds the need to put to death homosexuals even though its president knows that homosexuals do not even exist in iran, so i guess the people put to death for homosexuality are all wrongly convicted since there are no homosexuals in iran). i mean why do we have to support these fascist dictatorships? we got rid of saddam hussein and started a democracy in iraq, right? but we just screwed it up royally because we tried to run another country ourselves without having any clue what the hell we were doing. we should have let the iraqis run their own damn country and not messed with them. we should have just gotten rid of saddam hussein and then left iraq completely and let the iraqis run their country without outside interference from us. we ought to overthrow every autocratic, undemocratic, fascist or communist dictatorship in the world, by targeting individual leaders of those nations for assassination. that would work much better than wars against thousands or millions of soldiers who are just following orders. why not simply take out the evil assholes who are in charge of all the evil bullshit that is going on? someone should just kill people like the president of iran or the north korean dictator or the leaders of the junta in myanmar or the dictator of sudan. those people are all mass murdering evil despots who need to be eliminated. or we could go a little more gentle on them, and try something like what we did to the leader of panama, mr. noriega. we could put all those world leaders in prison in miami along with noriega. crazy ones like mahmoud ahmadenijad could be committed to insane asylums. permanently. someone should seriously have kidnapped the iranian president when he came here and shipped him off to an insane asylum for good. maybe assassination is a little too extreme. but that dude is crazy, and should not be in charge of a country. as for president bush, he ought to be declared mentally incompetent and removed from power, and sent to an assisted living facility for people who are mentally retarded idiot morons. and as for dick cheney, i think if someone sprayed some water on him he would melt, because he is a witch. if dick cheney floats in water, that means he is made of wood, and therefore a witch. but of course the water would melt him if he were a witch. anyway, the point is, he is a witch! also, did you notice that in his speech at columbia university, mahmoud ahmadenijad questioned both the holocaust and 9/11? he was actually correct in questioning them! it is a little-known fact: adolf hitler and the nazis were behind 9/11, and osama bin laden and al qaeda carried out the holocaust. people just get them confused! of course the official version of what happened is wrong! everything is a giant conspiracy and only crazy iranian dictators have any idea what is going on! also, there is no such nation as israel: this is a zionist conspiracy. all 6 million jews were wiped out in the holocaust and there are none left. the people alive now who call themselves jews are all liars and they are actually former muslims who were tempted by the great satan america and its hedonistic materialistic culture into renouncing their former religion of islam and embracing a dead religion that was wiped out by osama bin laden in 1945. and they are all homosexuals, which means they do not exist. it all makes sense now, at least to the crazy iranian president. anyway, the military dictatorship of myanmar has been massacring innocent peaceful protestors, and the punishment for murdering innocent people ought to be death. an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. rather than simply having economic sanctions against myanmar, why can’t we find the people in charge of that nation and kill them all dead? seriously... why do leaders and diplomats of most western industrialized nations act like such pussies and wimps and pushovers? you know what josef stalin said... one death is a tragedy but a million deaths is just a statistic. if someone who is just a private citizen murders a single person, they are usually put on trial and punished, in most nations. however, if a national leader murders thousands or even millions of people, what is the punishment? there is none! for example, ugandan dictator idi amin got to live out the rest of his days in luxury in saudi arabia, after committing horrible atrocities against his own people in uganda. sure saddam hussein and slobodan milosevic were both punished, but how many other dictators were not? there is no crime worse than the mass murder that only a dictator can carry out, and no punishment could possibly be harsh enough to fit such a horrendous crime. it amazes me that we still have alliances with evil dictatorships despite our nation’s rhetoric about spreading freedom and democracy. our government is incredibly hypocritical, since we are quite selective about where we choose to spread democracy and where we help out those who are preventing democracy from happening. i mean seriously, why do we keep helping out pakistan’s military dictator pervez musharraf? osama bin laden and the al qaeda leadership are in his country, and he is either incapable or unwilling to tackle this threat. right now, people are trying to re-establish democracy and freedom and rule of law in pakistan, and end the military dictatorship. why is the united states unwilling to support democracy in a nation whose military dictator has failed to stop the terrorists from establishing safe haven in his own country? oh, and how could i forget the issue of private security firms like blackwater operating in iraq. did you know that blackwater is above the law? they do not have to follow iraqi law, american law, or even international law. they are above the law, just like dick cheney, who is not a member of the legislative, executive, or judicial branch, but rather has his own special 4th branch just for him. and people in blackwater are paid much higher salaries than soldiers in our military. why doesn’t the state department just use our military soldiers for security? they are paid lower salaries! it would be cheaper! it makes no sense to spend all this extra money for private security when we already have our military in iraq. blackwater is just a scam, war profiteers stealing taxpayer money to make themselves rich while killing innocent people. we ought to let the iraqis put the ceo of blackwater and his henchmen on trial, in an iraqi kangaroo court. why does blackwater get to be above the law? i want to be above the law, but if i kill someone, i go to jail. if blackwater kills some people, nobody gets punished for the murders. that is no fair. so here is what i don’t get: iraq is filled with 160,000 american soldiers, yet our state department cannot find any soldiers worthy of defending our diplomats from harm, and the only people good enough to defend our diplomats are in the private sector, and cost a lot more than regular soldiers, plus they are above the law. if our military does not have anyone good enough to defend diplomats in the state department, our military sucks. there has to be someone capable of carrying out that mission. and if there are not enough soldiers, why not get the people in blackwater to re-enlist and rejoin the military, and do the same mission under the auspices of the pentagon? at least that way, the soldiers can be court-martialed if they kill innocent people without provocation, and the uniform code of military justice will at least allow some punishment for wrongdoing. i do not see any reason for us to be paying private mercenaries to do the work our own military should be doing. not just blackwater, but all the private mercenaries from outside iraq should be kicked out of iraq. i have heard news reports about all sorts of mercenary fighters that are being used by our own military in iraq, brought into that country from all over the world, used because we do not have enough soldiers in our own military. we ought to put an end to this nonsense. and bring our own troops home too, of course. but, not all at once. that has to be more gradual, so iraqis have the time to build up the strength to defend themselves. we ought to have a timeline for withdrawal, but not one that is publicly known, instead a top-secret timeline for withdrawal that nobody in the media is allowed to find out about. oh and you know what else in the news pisses me off? george w. bush is holding a fake-ass stupid conference on global warming to compete with the one at the united nations, and bush’s conference only invited the nations that are the biggest polluters, the ones who do not want to have to cut carbon dioxide emissions. and he is promoting voluntary cuts in emissions, not mandatory ones, and letting each nation decide for itself what to do, and not forcing anyone to reduce emissions, just encouraging it and hoping for the best. does that work in fighting pollution? if a factory is dumping toxic waste into a lake, does it really work if the e.p.a. tells them “we would prefer if you stopped dumping the toxic waste, and it would be really nice if you did that, but we are not going to force you or anything, and you can do whatever you want.” i mean, if a serial killer is going around killing people, should the police, when they catch him or her, ask them politely to please stop but say that it isn’t really mandatory to stop killing, and it is up to the serial killer to decide what to do, and then they release the serial killer back into the public again with no punishment? well what the hell kind of policy is that in combatting global warming? we are not talking about individuals dying, but entire species being wiped out! and it is optional, not mandatory, for people to do anything to stop global warming. thanks a lot, george w. bush. and george w. bush doesn’t want little kids to have health insurance. he promised to veto a bill that would give sick little kids the health care so they live and don’t die. george w. bush wants to kill children, basically. and the democrats in congress pay for this healthcare for kids by increasing a cigarette tax, which would make less people smoke, and less people would get lung cancer and other lung diseases. but george w. bush wants people to smoke cigarettes and die, after going through childhood with no healthcare. what a great president we have... what a great role model for the kids to look up to. all these bushes and clintons... i am sick of it! why is hillary clinton doing so well in the polls compared to other democratic presidential candidates? those polls make me sick. dennis kucinich should be #1 in all the polls, because when he talks, at least it makes some sense. back in the 2004 elections, i actually cared who won, and supported a candidate, namely howard dean. this time around, i don’t even know who to support, because i am so disgusted with the system. i think iowa and new hampshire can go fuck themselves. i hate the elitists who think people in those states are better than everyone else and ought to decide who the presidential candidates are, and that people in states like mine are unimportant and our opinions do not matter. why should someone in iowa get to decide who the democratic or republican nominee is, and not someone in new york, for instance? it ought to be one person, one vote, in a national primary that is not done state-by-state, but is instead a national popular vote. and we ought to use instant runoff voting in that national popular vote presidential primary. the current system is undemocratic and i hate it. i hate iowa and new hampshire. the idiots in iowa chose john kerry and decided howard dean sucked. well guess what? john kerry lost the election because he sucks, and howard dean is way more awesome than john kerry could ever hope to be. i remember john kerry condemned howard dean for opting out of the publicly financed system of matching funds to be able to raise more money privately. and then john kerry did the exact same thing he had just condemned, pretty soon after. what an asshole and jackass and hypocrite! that is like larry craig condemning homosexuality and then turning out to be gay! the idiots in iowa chose john kerry after john kerry demonstrated his idiocy and hypocrisy, after john kerry demonstrated the fact that he sucked and howard dean ruled. we should have just had a national election to pick the democratic nominee for president, so we could have picked the best candidate, namely howard dean. so this time around, for 2008, i am pretty glum. i think the people in iowa and new hampshire do not represent the interests of the country as a whole and should not get to decide who the next president is, and i think people in those states are too conservative and tend to choose the wrong candidate, and there is no hope for progressives to win presidential elections if they have to win caucuses and primaries in iowa and new hampshire first. i am sick of conservative southern governors becoming president! and i am sick of republicans, the party of greed and hypocrisy, who want to increase the gap between the rich and the poor, and regulate the sex lives of individuals, the party of war profiteers who make money off mass murder and bigoted fundamentalist preachers who in past generations said blacks were inferior and currently say homosexuals are evil hellbound sinners. republicans unfortunately have enough votes in congress to block congress from overriding any vetoes from president bush the retard. so congress cannot accomplish anything meaningful because these assholes are blocking the way. no wonder most people disapprove of congress. congress would need much bigger democratic majorities in both houses in order to really improve things in this country, but the republicans are currently able to keep anything good from getting done. and every veto president bush has made so far has been unjustifiable and the wrong decision, bad policy, indefensible, etc. most people who disapprove of congress have no idea how it works or how difficult it is to get things done with hundreds of people all with their own opinions and ideas who all disagree with each other. and of course, congress is by definition the opposite of progress. but at least congress does not actively promote evil like the bush administration has been doing for 7 years. at least i know that many foreign regimes exist which are much more evil than our own bush administration. we are certainly not the worst, but we are the most powerful nation. the regimes of china and russia, for example, are both quite evil and nasty, especially in how they prop up evil dictatorships like in north korea and iran and sudan and many other smaller nations. the united states government is nowhere near as awful as the chinese government. but they are both bad. i think more than half of the countries in the world should probably have regime change, including the united states. we need revolutions all over the world against tyranny and oppression. in our case, we are luckily a democracy, so we can replace our misleaders through voting. under dictatorships, often the only solution is a violent overthrow, a coup. i know the cia is responsible for many revolutions around the world, and there is nothing wrong with that in general. i just disagree with many of the specific revolutions they carried out against democratic governments. but in general, there is nothing wrong with having the cia overthrow foreign governments, and i would like to see more of it. they overthrew the iranian government in 1953... time to do it again. 1953 was also the same year as the divine emaculation of j.r. “bob” dobbs, by the way. praise “bob”!