other people with the same problem as me

check it out. (you have to go thru the salon premium ad bullshit first though.) it’s an advice column at salon.com. and both the guy asking for help, and the guy who answers it, have the same exact psychological problems as me! and there is a link on that page to comments about it, from other people who went to that website. and the comments are just amazing! practically every one of them is people saying that they have this same exact problem as me. it is too bad i have other problems too. like besides my asperger’s and my panic attacks and my hypochondria and my social phobia, and the problem that is the same one that the people at salon.com have. besides all those, i have other problems. such as, being locked into a nocturnal schedule of awake all night, asleep all day. i don’t know why i am nocturnal, but i feel like it is just natural for me, like sexual orientation or something like that... i am just naturally awake at night and asleep during the day. maybe i am a vampire or something... i mean i am descended from people who lived in transylvania. who knows? maybe i am a direct descendant of dracula. all i know is, blood is a delicious drink. and businesses that open in the morning and close in the afternoon do not cater to my kind. on a more serious note, i have made some small efforts to change my sleep schedule, mostly by going to bed early and trying to fall asleep early, or waking myself up early with an alarm. but i find myself lying in bed awake for hours, trying to fall asleep. and then after i am finally asleep for a while, and then the alarm wakes me up, what do i do? turn off the alarm and go back to sleep. i am strange because darkness gives me energy and sunlight makes me tired. you see, i lack discipline. a person who is disciplined would not turn off the alarm and go back to sleep. today i woke up around 11:30 am, and i lay in bed, awake, doing absolutely nothing, until about 6 pm. well, i was thinking about various things. and i think i did drift in and out of consciousness a few times. but mostly i was daydreaming and thinking about things that were of no consequence, or thinking about things i had to do but was avoiding, or avoiding thinking about things i didn’t want to think about. i am sort of on the borderline, between a completely functional human being and someone who is utterly incapable of independently living on their own. sometimes i just descend into a sort of pretend nothingness, and avoid reality, for an extended period of time. it is a sort of procrastination, i guess. i remember thinking, “i don’t really feel like getting out of bed right now... i’ll just lie here a little longer and then get up when i feel like it.” i just used empty platitudes like that to justify lying in bed for many hours awake, doing absolutely nothing... you see i had to justify it to myself because otherwise, to most people, it would seem like a huge waste of time and really dumb. but, i suppose it was relaxing, and i am a very stressed-out person most of the time, due to my various insanities. i guess when your life is being ruined by excessive and irrational fear, times of relaxation can become quite addictive, and you can ruin your life by avoiding living. a person my age ought to actually do things, though. ugh. i hate being compared and contrasted with a typical person my age. i can never measure up to that! i am just different. i ought to do the best that i can do, but in no way can i ever be considered in a similar fashion to normal people. that is like asking a paraplegic to run a marathon! i mean i know i have potential and could be successful, probably. but it is a hell of a bitch trying to get from point a to point b, when point a is shit city and point b is the promised land. i can’t just go from being an unemployed lazy good-for-nothing one day to being a billionaire and president of the united states the next day. it’s just that i lack discipline, because i am an upper middle class white boy from the u.s.a. who’s been on easy street all his life. school was dirt easy and college wasn’t too hard, even though it was ivy league. if your brain is too smart, it is too easy to think, and you end up being a lazy bastard who has never had to put any effort into anything. i suppose there have been times i did things that required effort, but it is hard to think of any. i just have a goddamn spoiled brat mentality, and i need to grow up and quit being a sissy. i heard that the more wealth and luxury someone is raised with, the more hopeless and helpless they feel about life. my parents are not exactly billionaires, and our house is just a typical middle class suburbia type deal, but let’s face it... this is the united states of america. middle class people here live like kings and queens, compared to the rest of the world (except for most of europe, parts of asia, and canada and australia). but, compared to the russians, the chinese, the indians, the arabs, or especially the africans, our life is pretty sweeeeeeet. the reason people need jobs is to make money so they can buy stuff to survive, but my problem is, i don’t really need money to survive, at least not for the next month or two or three, until i run out of money. but i am a procrastinator, and we like to put things off until the last minute. but i don’t want to have to wait until i am bankrupt before i get a job. dammit. i need to get things done. some of those people at salon.com posted some tips on how i could get things done. maybe i’ll take another look at that link. hey... at least i don’t have to pay any income taxes. that’s just how things work when you have zero income. fuck you very much, internal revenue service! i hope you appreciate the $0.00 i will pay in federal income tax this year, bitches. please spend my tax dollars wisely, or i will be forced to find gainful employment and actually send you some money next year. or maybe you could send me money, since if i had a negative income, shouldn’t i pay a negative amount of taxes? something to think about. questionable accounting practices signing out.