Saturday, October 28, 2006

my pessimism

you know, i am a very big pessimist. or at least i have been one up until this point in my life, not that i necessarily need to remain that way. a friend told me that most kids are already experimenting with sex and making out and dating and stuff like that at age 13, and he felt that since he started at age 17, that was a late start. well, i have never had any romantic relationships, and i have only done sexual stuff with one other person, on two separate occasions. quite frankly, i do not give a damn about most people. there are a million reasons why i do not care about other people. i do care to a certain extent, and i am a good person at heart, i think. i am not good 100% of the time but when i am evil i am willing to be honest enough to acknowledge that i have some evil in me. i am good the vast majority of the time, anyway. supposedly i am good-looking (at least according to my mom) and i am very smart and well-educated, and hard working (just ask my supervisor at work). but i hate myself, not just a little, but a lot. and i do not really like other people that much either. i tend to see the bad in other people and not the good. except when it comes to physical appearance. that is the one area where i can really have a completely positive impression of someone.

now, if you were to judge me by my thoughts, i am certainly a racist, sexist, homophobic, anti-religous, closed-minded bigot. but i do my very best to act nicely to other people and not be a major league asshole. someone has to really rub me the wrong way and do mean things to provoke me a lot before i start getting mean at all. but i cannot stand criticism at all. it really gets to me, because i have such a low opinion of myself, and i tend to agree with anything bad other people say about me, and disagree with anything good said about me. i mean, sometimes i wonder whether i even deserve to live or if i am just some sort of malicious parasite feeding off society. at least, i wondered that before i got a job. not that i was on welfare or anything; i was just getting everything from my parents.

but generally i have a pretty low opinion of human beings. i don’t like myself, and don’t particularly like anyone else that much either. i don’t really respect anyone or trust anyone or look up to anyone as a role model. in my judgement, we are a fairly primitive race of life form, compared to other intelligent civilizations that almost undoubtedly exist throughout the universe. although we have developed some relatively advanced technology, most people still seem to have a problem telling truth from lies, right from wrong, good from evil, and fantasy from reality. hardly anyone is well-informed enough to make many sweeping judgements like that anyway, but people go around over-generalizing about things all the time, especially pessimists like me.

now, i have asperger’s syndrome, so i lack empathy, and i am not good socially. so, even if i manage to act well enough in a social situation so that the other person is not left with a bad impression or disliking me, even if i am able to act nice and if they like me to some extent, i still end up feeling bad. because there is just a deep fundamental disconnect between me and other people. i cannot be honest with other people about what i think or how i feel, because if i were, nobody would like me, since my pessimistic thoughts about them would be very insulting. i always have to hold my tongue and avoid expressing my views on that, but it is second nature to me, anyway. the way i act around other people is mostly a front and does not show how i truly feel at all. i often suspect that other people dislike me but are keeping quiet to avoid offending me, or that they talk about me behind my back. why? because that is how other people would be, if they were like me. and i am the only person i can understand, so it is easiest to think of other people as being like me.

i have heard it said, and read many times, that most people’s favorite subject is themselves. for me, that is quite a sore subject, and i actually hate talking about myself, because of my incredibly low self-esteem. i hate having to tell people about myself, if i am just getting to know them or whatever, because i really quite honestly have nothing good to say. i usually end up saying something bad about myself and making myself look bad and then i get all upset about it, and the other person does not respond well to this, and then i end up feeling like they were the one who insulted me and not me. i cannot for a moment fathom how someone could possibly enjoy talking about themselves, or how someone could like themselves. it does not make sense. i certainly do not like that kind of person. people who like themselves and like to talk about themselves, i basically see them as arrogant and obnoxious, always trying to rub it in your face that they are better than you. i much prefer other people who have low self-esteem, because at least they make some fucking sense to me. but, i don’t like them either. they are all losers anyway. just like me. i don’t want to associate with losers. i would rather associate with nobody at all. which is exactly what i do.

see, not having friends as a kid, and being picked on all the time, despite having the best grades in the class and being smarter than everyone else, that really fucks with your head a lot. i mean, i got so used to being insulted all the time, that when it stopped happening, i was confused and at a loss, disbelieving, not knowing what to do. in some ways, i wished things would go back to me being insulted all the time, directly, because at least then i knew what to do. pretend not to let it affect me, never talk to anyone, and then go home and cry about it to my parents and my dog. not literally cry of course, except when i was quite young. but you know what i mean, bitch and whine and complain and all that. but it seems i just tend to notice bad things people say about me and not good ones. mostly because i think the good ones are bullshit. flattery. people trying to win me over, to get me to do things for them. that happened in school a lot. people would use flattery to get me to do their homework or let them cheat on tests, and then afterwards, they would go back to being mean to me, and not invite me to their parties or anything. it was the popular kids who did this to me. that really confused me, because i could never tell if they liked me or disliked me, because there were so many mixed signals. one minute everyone is picking on me and saying i am a loser who has no social skills and will die a virgin. the next minute, someone is saying how i am so much smarter than them and going to be much more successful than them and would i please do their homework because they are too stupid to understand even the most elementary problems. and since i am a nice guy, i eagerly oblige and do their work for them and cooperate fully. but for some reason, have no friends and never date anyone. strange.

so, i do not trust other people, and i look at them as essentially selfish and evil. yes, people are good and selfless sometimes, but only because this benefits them in some way. when i look at my past i see myself as a victim, as someone mistreated by a society filled with evil, heartless, sadistic people, who enjoy causing and then observing the misery of other people. once this kid bent a spoon back and forth again and again until it broke, and the two ends of where it broke were red-hot, and he stabbed one of them into my arm and burned me, for his own amusement. that is how i was treated as a kid. that is how i see the essential part of human nature. the goodness and virtue people have, i believe, is simply so they can feel better about themselves and so they can be praised by other people.

just think about the concepts of heaven and hell. people need to be told that they will be eternally punished for being bad, or eternally rewarded for being good, or else they cannot find it in themselves to be moral at all. they claim that morality can only exist within the context of religion and an afterlife where your conduct while alive is either rewarded or punished. more than anything else, this demonstrates the fundamentally selfish and evil nature of humanity. a truly moral person would be moral even if there were no reward at all, even if there were a great reward for acting immorally. in fact, they would even act morally if it meant torture and doom for them! now, this is not exactly a rational way for a person to behave, although there have been many martyrs throughout history who behaved in exactly that way. the thing is, if someone has a deluded notion of what is right and what is wrong, and then takes a strong moral stand which is risky for them, that is not something that ought to be looked up to. adolf hitler believed that when he was committing genocide against the jews and using eugenics to try and create a superior aryan race, he was doing the right, good, moral thing. most people agree that adolf hitler was pretty much as evil as a person can be, but he believed the exact opposite about himself, and so did his supporters, the nazis. why would people support such an evil man, and do such evil things, unless they are not themselves evil, deep inside? and who are we to say that we would not be as evil as the nazis, if we were under the same conditions? anyone who believes in unquestioning loyalty to their nation, their government, that person would definitely be a nazi if they had lived in nazi germany. people who believe the united states is 100% good and righteous in international affairs, they would have been nazis in nazi germany. and yet we still have solid majorities approving of every war our country starts, until things start going badly for our own country. this is that selfishness again. we do not care one iota about other countries, we only care about our own. such is human nature. we consider the lives of “enemy” soldiers or civilians to be useless, expendable, or a necessary sacrifice for some so-called “greater good”. but anyone who abides by the deliberate killing of other people has already abandoned any pretense of having respect for the sanctity of human life. such people are arrogant nationalists, supporting whichever country they happen to live in, despite the fact that they only live there due to circumstance, and could just as easily have been born and raised and be living somewhere else.

throughout the world, most people tend to believe in whatever religion their parents raise them in, despite the fact that this is a matter of circumstance, and you can consider it random, if you are thinking, what if i were just one of the babies born in a certain year, at random, but born somewhere else, under other circumstances? would i still be the same person? what things about me would still be true? what things would i still know to be true? if someone is a christian because they are born and raised in a christian country, they are no better than a muslim born and raised in a muslim country, or a hindu born and raised in a hindu country, a buddhist born and raised in a buddhist country, a jew born and raised in a jewish country, or a communist born and raised in a communist country. it is easy to believe whatever the people in your geographical area tell you to believe, and it is intellectually lazy and is not at all a rational approach towards finding out what the real truth is. if you want to understand reality, you have to take a more holistic approach and think about how you might think differently if you were born under other circumstances, and then take that into consideration. if each religion contradicts all the others, then either there is only one true religion, or they are all wrong. and if one religion happens to be true, then what about people who lived before that religion existed? are they all lost souls? that is not a morally justifiable outcome. what about how people choose religion based on the circumstances of where they are born and who their parents are? no religion has been able to pass the test, to demonstrate that it really is the ultimate truth, that people everywhere can believe it, in large numbers, in every country around the world, and that it can appropriately deal with unbelievers in a morally acceptable fashion. like, take christianity for instance. christianity says that unbelievers all go to hell, and only true christians go to heaven. that is not a morally acceptable outcome, and under that scenario, god is evil, because he is discriminating against people born in parts of the world where virtually nobody is christian, while showing outrageous favoritism towards people born in places where almost everyone is christian. hardly anyone in japan believes in christianity, yet they have a very low crime rate, a prosperous economy, a strict system of morality that exists outside of any religion, and the highest life expectancy in the world. how is it that the japanese are able to have such a strict system of morality outside of any religion? how is it that in ancient greece, philosophers who disbelieved in the gods were still able to come up with a system of morality that is the basis for morality in western civilization to this day? clearly, morality is entirely separate from religion, or at least, it can exist entirely separate from religion, but sometimes gets intertwined with it, unfortunately.

now, human beings are quite stupid organisms, along with being selfish and evil. we do not realize what the truth is, or at least most of us do not. we arrogantly think that whatever we have been taught, in our society, must be true, and what people elsewhere think must be false if it contradicts our beliefs. and of course children can be quite mean and nasty; morality and being good do not come naturally to kids, unfortunately. morality and being good are things that must be taught to children, since these are alien concepts, unnatural concepts, created by human society, because societies that have morality survive better than societies that do not have it. a civilization where people cooperate and help each other out will be more prosperous than one where nobody cares about anyone else and everyone is immoral and selfish. thus, the great european powers conquered the world, because they had a system of morality that made their societies successful enough, strong enough, and unified enough to go around conquering “less advanced” societies. although perhaps it was the europeans who were less advanced, since they fought so many wars and had such an unfair hierarchy for their society based on the circumstance of who a person’s parents are. arguably, many less technologically advanced societies around the world were more morally advanced, such as many native american tribes, or perhaps that is just a myth. who knows? anyway, the point is, morality is the creation of society in order to have the society be self-regulating and more prosperous. it does not have any natural or biological origin, and by nature, we are evil and selfish beasts. do you think animals give a damn about each other? does a lion give a fuck about what a zebra thinks, when the lion viciously attacks the zebra and rips it to shreds? of course not! animals are just as selfish as us, for the most part. the notable exception is dogs. and dogs would not even exist naturally. they are an artificial creation, the product of selective breeding over thousands of years, and they originated from wolves. wolves are vicious predators who attack innocent animals and rip them to pieces. we have managed to use eugenics and selective breeding to artificially create a species of animal that is born with a natural tendency to be moral and good and righteous. quite amazing, really. as for our own species, humanity? well, we have not come so far ourselves. bad, evil people still have children, and pass on their genes to future generations. so there is no hope for us to genetically evolve our way out of being evil and selfish. society and morality are the only hope.

but, there are many different societies, and many different systems of morality. there is a lot of conflict in the world. how can we know right from wrong? here is an easy way: if someone is a human being from the planet earth, they are probably wrong, because they are evil and selfish, and if they think they are good and moral, that is just because they have been brainwashed by their society and want to feel good about themselves so they can sleep at night. even genocidal dictators can love their own family. my point is, nobody is morally right 100% of the time. even if we have enough self-control to always behave in a way that we personally believe is morally correct (which hardly anyone has enough self-control for), we would still be wrong a lot of the time, because we are fallible humans prone to error. i, like every other person, sometimes do things to purposefully make other people feel bad. therefore, i am evil, just like everyone else. but what makes me better than a lot of people is, at least i am honest enough to admit to this evil, and not lie about it and say i am totally righteous when i know i am not. that type of person would be a hypocrite, and i hate hypocrites. of course, i am a hypocrite myself, to some extent (but at least honest enough to admit it), and thus i hate myself, to some extent. it is all rather unfortunate.

so, i do not really have respect or trust for other people, but i can at least have fun with them and enjoy being around them, right? well, yes, i can. it happens sometimes. it is not a necessary prerequisite for having fun with someone, that you respect them and trust them completely. you can still hang out with someone who you think is a bad person, or do stuff with them, or even be friends with someone evil. i mean, who isn’t evil? according to christianity, only one man ever met that challenge of not being evil, and his name was jesus christ. but according to me, not even jesus met that challenge... we are all evil, at least to some extent. this is the natural state of affairs, for we are a species of animal. luckily society has taught us morality and made most of us behave good most of the time. but the morality society has taught us is not right about everything, and lots of times leads to the wrong outcome. but it is better than no morality. what would be best is to have a morality where we fix as many problems as possible, and have a humanist, utilitarian system of ethics and morality that provides answers to all moral dilemmas. but, ultimately, it seems that the morality we are taught here in the united states teaches us all to be selfish and not care that much about others. at least that is the morality i have been taught, through bitter experiences of other people being mean... and i will have to un-learn that morality and re-learn the correct morality. otherwise there is no way i could ever really love another person and actually care about them anywhere near as much as i care about myself... and i don’t even really care about myself that much anyway. or maybe i do. who knows? but i do know that i am irrational, and need to work on becoming more rational. my irrationality is what causes me problems, not other people’s irrationality. it is what upsets me over little things and makes me emotionally unstable and filled with self-loathing. if i repaired my brain, and became rational, it would solve everything. i would finally have a positive attitude, and be sociable, and enjoy the company of other people. and then, i would go quite far in life.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

guess who is going to win congress

the democrats are going to win back congress. check it out. there is no way the republicans can win this election. there are too many critics they would have to silence, and we just don’t have the kind of secret police the soviet union used for eliminating that kind of dissent. hopefully, we will not only have a democratic victory, but a peaceful transfer of power, and things will start to get back to normal in this country, after 6 years of hell. the onion radio news tells us all the things the democrats will fix.

Monday, October 16, 2006

the long-awaited new blog entry

ladies and gentlemen, here it is! my long-awaited new blog entry! yes, i am finally writing a new blog entry, after not writing one in quite a while. so much has happened. the tom foley scandal, for instance. who would have known that republican congressmen are hypocrites, living secret lives as closeted homosexual pedophile sex predators, while publicly pretending to be advocates of protecting our children from sex predators? well maybe tom foley was the only one like that... maybe. but think about it. what did he do wrong? is it wrong to be homosexual? no. is it wrong to be a closeted homosexual? no, because much of society is bigoted and hates homosexuals, so unfortunately some people who are homosexual have to pretend not to be in order to live their lives normally. is it wrong to try to start sexual relationships with people who are younger than you, if you are an important and powerful person and they are not? perhaps, but if they are of legal age (18 in most parts of the united states), there is not really anything legally wrong with it. so, what exactly did tom foley do wrong? well, he went after people who were under the legal age of 18 in a sexual manner, and then lied about it. now, lying about a crime you have committed is understandable. he was not under oath when he lied, and there is no law against lying. so really, the only thing illegal is the fact that the pages that tom foley went after were under 18. this is very ironic, because in many other countries, the legal age is lower, in some cases, much lower. in the united kingdom, for instance, it is 16. in japan, it is 13. if a japanese politician had done what tom foley did, it would not violate any laws. but the japanese politician would probably commit suicide anyway, because it would dishonol his famiry. hehehehehe. solly, that was a rittre lacist. ROR. ok whatever... anyway, sex is legal, between consenting adults, or at least it should be legal between consenting adults, if there are still any laws against it. and that includes premarital sex and adultery and homosexual sex and orgies. but it does NOT include sex with animals or polygamy or incest or rape or having sex with minors. but if two minors have sex it IS ok unless it is rape or incest. WOW that was complicated. anyway, the definition of a minor depends on what nation you are in, but in the united states, it is anyone under 18 for most practical purposes, except for drinking alcohol, where it is 21 for some retarded-ass reason. it sure is strange that tobacco is legal for 18-year-olds but marijuana is illegal for everyone and people have to wait until they are 21 to legally drink alcohol. and there is a double standard for celebrities and famous people, who always get off light if they are caught violating laws against drugs or stuff like that, and some people are even ok with it! why do we give some black inner-city gang member the maximum sentence if he is caught with cocaine, but let someone like kate moss get off scott free? why is snoop doggy dogg allowed to go free despite his numerous violations of the drug laws? i’ll tell you why: the public would be up in arms if their favorite celebrities got put in jail for long sentences for victimless crimes like doing drugs. but if some random person off the street who is unimportant gets a long jail sentence for a victimless crime, nobody gives a fuck, and nobody sees any reason to change the law! what the hell is wrong with people? anyway, tom foley may have done something immoral, and it may in fact be illegal, but whether something is moral and whether it is legal are two entirely different questions. there are numerous ways he acted immorally, but we all act immorally on a regular basis. i don’t know anyone who doesn’t act immorally on a regular basis. it is universal, part of the human condition. but, has he violated any laws? i think so, but i think if he has violated any laws, perhaps those laws ought to be repealed, because although society is often quick to condemn those individuals who are labelled as sex predators or sex offenders, every case is unique and often there may be extenuating circumstances; we need to show more compassion, and look at things from the criminal’s point of view. we need to try and understand why someone might think that they did not do anything wrong, when most of society thinks that the person did do something wrong. there is a chemical called testosterone that makes men, and women too to some extent, have an insatiable desire for sex, and it also makes them seek dominance and sometimes even do violence and do horrible evil things. if we understand this phenomenon of testosterone-altered behavior better, perhaps we will be able to find better ways to deal with male criminals whose stupid, reckless, irresponsible, selfish, violent, and/or evil behavior is in part caused by the testosterone being produced by their balls inside their scrotum which is underneath their penis. i do not mean in any way to excuse what criminals like mark foley do, or say that they should not be punished. but i have profound insights into the minds of deviant male individuals, and by deviant i mean anyone who rebels against society or does bad things or is evil or whatever. why? because i am evil myself, and i know evil because i am evil. testosterone makes men evil, and the more testosterone is in a man’s blood, the more evil it makes him. that is just a fact, look it up. this does not mean women cannot be evil too, or that all men are evil. men simply have a natural predisposition towards evil, whereas (and this is simply speculation) i tend to believe that women start out as more or less a blank slate, and then get brainwashed by society into behaving in certain ways. men are brainwashed too, of course, but the reason for it is different. males have to be domesticated and taught to behave in a civilized manner and obey the rules of society, or else they will be vicious like wild animals. women, on the other hand, are naturally social and have a tendency to assimilate, and behave like other people. i mean, there is a reason that most inventors who receive patents are men, and why most violent criminals are men, and why men are more likely to be at the extremes of high iq or low iq whereas most women have close to average iq. men are naturally more socially isolated, which can make them think evil thoughts and become criminals, or they can study up and get really smart and know a lot and invent things, or they can just sit around and be dumbass retards who don’t know anything. since women spend so much time socializing, they get informed enough about stuff not to be complete retards, but they don’t have enough alone time to intellectuallize and think about things on their own to become geniuses. and although men have larger brains, this is actually irrelevant, because scientists have found that dolphins, despite having massive brains, are very stupid animals indeed. what matters is the number of connections in the brain, which is the same in men and women. a brain is basically like a tiny little internet, with each neuron acting like a computer, and the synapses are like the tubes that connect all the computers on the internet (the tubes ted stevens talks about). in a woman’s brain, there are less computers but the connections between them have higher bandwidth, so it evens out. or something like that. anyway, back to mark foley. he is a man. sexual predators tend to be men. are there female sexual predators? yes of course, there are some. probably more than the official statistics state, because the “victims” probably enjoy it most of the time. most men or boys would probably love to be “raped” by a woman. but of course, not all. there are obviously going to be some cases where the man does not want sex, for whatever reason. and a female sexual predator might rape other females, for that matter. but, it seems like the vast majority of sexual predators who are caught and prosecuted by our legal system are men. maybe that is because all the computers in the male brain are using dialup to talk to each other, whereas the female brain has half as many computers but they all have broadbrain. if you look at how the right and left sides of the brain are connected in a man, it is like the fbi and the cia prior to 9/11. the right and left sides of the brain in a woman are connected like the fbi and cia AFTER 9/11. that is the difference. so, the reason mark foley behaved like a moron is, part of his brain knew what he was doing was retarted, but it couldn’t talk to the part that was making him act like a retard, since there weren’t enough connections to get the message through. they had to re-route through a different server, because the one they used to use was a brain cell killed by mark foley’s alcoholism. and i think i know why he is gay. he probably would have been a normal straight man if he had not been molested by a priest. but when he was a young boy, he was molested, and he enjoyed it, and it turned him gay. maybe he thought that the pages would enjoy it just like he did. who knows? or maybe mark foley was born gay. how do people become gay? and why do people become child molesters? more importantly, why does american society demonize people who have sex with people who are younger than them, while other societies around the world are more permissive? are we better or worse than other societies or countries where the age of consent is much lower? i don’t have any answers; in fact, i just make things up most of the time. none of us knows anything for sure. i am basically a nihilist; i do not actually believe in anything at all. but i say things, as if i do believe them. that is just a necessary evil, the only way i know to communicate. the things i say, i do not believe with 100% certainty. they are just imperfect observations or speculation, hunches if you will. the universe is a complicated and confusing place, and not everything is simple and logical. you cannot simply classify everything and put it in a box and label it and be done with it. ultimately, words, ideas, sentences, numbers, math, philosophy, these are all human inventions, in order to communicate with each other, and try to understand the universe. but the universe is not beholden to us or our ideas or what we think or say. it does its stuff regardless, with no care whatsoever for our thoughts on how it operates. so for something as complex as the difference between men and women, i could simply say that things are so complicated that there are not any statements i can make, generally speaking, that would not only be true but also carry some sort of meaning and have a point to them. but that is BORING! i have to have SOMETHING to say! so, i think of something to say, and then say it. even though i am not even convinced that i exist, or that anything exists; i am not convinced of anything at all. lately, the two major united states political parties and their adherents have gotten so polarized from each other that they believe in completely different sets of facts, and the facts a liberal democrat believes in all directly contradict the facts a conservative republican believes in. who is to say who is right? who is the impartial arbiter of truth? there is none! does truth even exist? probably, but it has not been proven. you cannot prove something that you have to assume to be true in order to prove it, because then your argument would rely on circular reasoning. it is impossible to prove truth exists because in order to prove it you have to assume that truth exists. at least that is what i THINK, but i am not sure. maybe it IS possible to prove truth exists? who knows? nobody knows anything. that is the ultimate truth, the secret behind everything that goes on on this tawdry little soap-opera planet we have here. we are all a bunch of morons on this planet earth, each and every one of us. what do we know that small furry animals do not know? not much of anything. what little we do know is mostly obvious and a lot of it is probably wrong anyway. in past centuries and past civilizations, most of what people believed in has now been proven to be false. or at least we assume it is false, nowadays. perhaps the gods of ancient greece are real, or maybe the nordic gods. or maybe the beliefs of ancient egypt were correct. in any case, whatever people believe nowadays is probably no better than what people believed back then, at least as far as religious beliefs are concerned. as for science, i think it is a good way to get a reasonable approximation of the truth, but you can never quite get to 100% with science, because it is all based on empirical data, which could be skewed by a highly improbable set of circumstances the scientists do not know about. for all we know, we are in the middle of one of douglas adams’s infinite improbability generators, and all of our science is based on the empirical study of highly improbable events. speaking of highly improbable events, why is it that a few weeks after the 5th anniversary of terrorists flying planes into 2 buildings in new york city and one building near washington, d.c., a pitcher for the new york yankees flies a plane into a building in new york city? i still think al qaeda was behind this. they probably rigged his engine to fail. i’d bet the last mechanic who looked at the engine for the plane flown by the yankees pitcher was an al qaeda operative. hey, it’s not impossible, so it might as well be true, right? who cares about the truth, anyway? hardly anyone. why do people believe in religion? because they care more about saving their own asses (sorry, i meant “souls”) than knowing what the actual truth is. they would rather find some false comfort than face a bleak reality. now, it looks like the democrats are going to win control of congress in november. all signs point to yes, as a magic 8-ball would say. and i am all for that. i love the democratic party dearly. it is mine, mine, MINE! i agree with it on all the issues, except perhaps for a few, but i like to pretend that the party agrees with me on everything, even on my unconventional and radical beliefs, such as legalizing all drugs, prostitution, and gambling. and maybe i was wrong earlier in this post when i said polygamy is wrong. i mean, muslims practice polygamy, and mormons used to. it can’t be all that bad. and what mark foley did was very very common in ancient greece. in ancient greece, all the men were homosexual pedophiles just like mark foley. or maybe bisexual. whatever. but nobody thought anything was wrong with it. and our philosophy, our science, all of it originated with the ancient greeks. western civilization was founded by homosexual pedophiles, and it is about time that we admitted it. aristotle, plato, socrates, democritus, epicurus, pythagoras, homer, alexander the great, ... those are some of the ancient greek men whose ideas are the very foundation of western civilization, and yet most of them probably had sex with young boys. i am not saying that the North American Man-Boy Love Association is correct, not in the least! in fact, i find this behavior repugnant and immoral! i am just saying, i am not 100% sure. i mean, take michael jackson for instance. sure, most people think he is a weirdo, but he used to be cool, before he turned out to be a gay child-molester who bleaches his skin and has badly done plastic surgery on his nose and is completely batshit insane. michael jackson is muslim now and lives with his family in some middle-eastern country; i think it is qatar. jihad! what ever happened to arab and muslim people? we americans used to not hate them. there were the arabian nights, the story of alladin. we used to respect islamic culture, back before those damned terrorists attacked us. we used to admire their contributions to mathematics and science, such as algebra and i think they invented telescopes or something like that too. back when i went to high school, nobody ever said anything bad about the prophet muhammad, peace be upon him. truth be told, we never even thought about the guy, just like we never really thought about the buddha or about confucius or any of those other non-judeo-christian religious figures. i mean, i remember when i was a kid, and i heard about the prophet muhammad, people were like, “yeah, he’s ok i guess, i mean he respects the teachings of jesus, so he’s cool, i just don’t like the idea of praying 5 times a day to mecca or wearing a veil.” i mean, who can argue with that? it just seems like lately, the terrorists have hijacked islam, the same way people like pat robertson and jerry falwell have hijacked christianity, except worse. all the right-wing american televangelists are just hypocrites who are trying to make lots of money and get lots of followers and feed their egos by being modern-day false prophets. any major religious leader in christianity whose name is not jesus christ is basically a cult leader, because the bible says to follow jesus, not to follow pat robertson or jerry falwell or the pope or whatever. anyway, lately i have been having some problems interpersonally, getting along with other people, but i have been working on it, and reading books such as how to win friends and influence people by dale carnegie. i am not too skilled at the social crap yet, but hopefully someday i will be skilled enough to achieve the primary objective. the primary objective was given to me by my testicles and the testosterone they produced and released into my bloodstream, and by seeing attractive young women and feeling attracted to them. what is the primary objective? it is to have sex with hot babes, or something like that. it is actually loosely defined. the primary objective also changes over time. eventually the primary objective will be to have children and raise them and have them turn out better than i did. but first i have to find a mate. so, right now, that is the primary objective. if i achieve the primary objective, then i will still have a primary objective, it will just change a little. it is a moving target. my primary objective used to be to just have sex with a woman, as i had lowered my standards and scaled back on the more ambitious parts about having her be attractive and having it be true love and whatnot. after that was achieved, the mission was deemed accomplished but it was a failure, because my boys didn’t get deployed out to sea... the sperm cells decided to play it safe and play a home game, rather than going off into female territory and getting cock-blocked by a condom before they can score a touchdown at the egg cell. so right now, my mission is of a different sort... it is to find a woman that turns me on and develop some sort of superficial rapport and positive loving relationship with her, in a short period of time, so that my private parts will function correctly and not refuse to fire. if i don’t get my penis working in the next year or two, it will probably just fall off out of disuse. and it will write a little penis suicide note too. it will say something like “dear rest of body, i am sick and tired of being attached to you. you have failed me. your primary mission was to get me erect and inserted in a vagina and have me shoot out cum, and you never accomplished it, not even once. i am sick of it! i am leaving, and this time, for good! i am going to find a lonely woman who needs a dildo, and instead of a dildo, she will now be able to use a real human penis, albeit a dead one. actually that is kind of gross and morbid. please just cremate me. or insert me into paris hilton’s vagina. you can send me to her in the mail. i am sure she would put me in. she is a total whore, and crazy enough to do stuff like that. or maybe you can have me cooked and served as food to someone. that would be kinda cool. i wonder what i would taste like. anyway, goodbye cruel world!” yep. that is what it sounds like when a penis writes a suicide note, before it detaches itself from your body out of disgust with your lack of sex. it is only a matter of time before my dick leaves me. i am always getting messages from it, in my brain, telling me different women it wants to get inside. and i wonder, is it going to stay attached to me, or is it just trying to escape from me and find a new host organism to attach itself to? what if the woman’s immune system rejected the penis after it tried to transplant itself onto her and attach its veins to her bloodstream? i mean, my penis has plans, big plans, much bigger than any i ever had. it wants to see things and go places i have never even heard of. why, it even wants to have sex with a black hole! even steven hawking knows that ain’t safe. why, the gravitational collapse would destroy its molecular structure! yet my penis does not care! somehow, it has faith that it will cum out in some parallel universe, or maybe it will find itself going through a wormhole. and then after it cums out the other side of the wormhole, it will go back in, and then go back, and forth, in the process tearing apart the delicate fabric of the space-time continuum! my cock wants to go off into other galaxies and have sex with hot alien bitches from outer space, like the ones on tv! it even wants to have sex with robots! and it wants to have sex in weird places, like inside a volcano, or underwater, or in zero gravity, or in an 11-dimensional manifold. it wants to get bitten by a vampire and die and come back as an undead penis and impregnate succubus demons with alien-human hybrid babies that scientists do surgery on to turn into half-robotic cyborg space monsters! that is even worse than fighting an army of hitler clones all by yourself with a star of david tatooed on your forehead! wow... i am insane. why do i even have a blog anyway? i mean, i am an undead alien cyborg prototype monster from the future sent to destroy the past and thus destroy time itself, so that the lazy bums in the future won’t have to worry about people telling them they are wasting time, since time will no longer exist, and all things that exist will exist outside of time! i am the genie that grants all wishes! i am the male prostitute who charges a negative amount of money! i am the puppet being held by adam smith’s invisible hand of capitalism! i am the invisible demon covered in paint who works as a mime on street corners, worried that someone might rub off my paint and see how i am invisible underneath and then satan finds out and sends me back to hell! i am the organic mobile biological intelligent agent, deployed to seek the optimal algorithm to fuck you up! i am the official spokesman for an organization of fictional characters who demand that reality instantiate them into tangible subsistence! i am the unimportant backwoods white trash hick redneck who lives in the middle of nowhere that you never heard of and never will! i am made of antimatter, i am radioactive, and i eat dark matter for breakfast! i cut down trees with my giant arms which are actually chainsaws, and i have 8 of them, because i am an octopus! i am the ruthless dictator of a third-world country who commits acts of terrorism against his own people... and LIKES it! my brain is directly connected to the internet by a broadbrain connection - telepathically! i know all and all i know is nothing, meaning all you have is nothing so you lose. you are the weakest link, you are the reader, i put ideas into your head and your brain passively accepts them, you are the lowest form of life, a human. i am level 99 and have mastered all the spells, and my sword does 9999 damage to EVERY ENEMY, EVERY TIME! i eat manufactured food products which may contain monosodium glutamate! my car runs on unleaded gasoline, 87 octane! i carry cash in my wallet and sleep with my eyes closed! my favorite television network is comedy central! i like long walks on the beach, lowercase text, and exclamation points! i know secrets the government doesn’t want you to know, except i forgot them all, because i am mentally retarded! i have the nicest, fuzziest, smartest, cutest, best dog in the world; the only problem is, my dog doesn’t even exist! i vaporize insects using lasers i had surgically implanted in my retinas! i would punch you in the face right now if you were standing in front of me! this is the longest paragraph ever! try saying that a googolplex times in a row backwards in sanskrit while balancing upside-down on your head on top of the peak of mount everest, stark naked, except for the shoes you are wearing which are made of solid gold and weigh more than fatty mcfattass up the street, you know, that fat person who weighs a lot more than you do, who you laugh at, silently, in your head, every time you say hi. where is my “off” switch? OH! i found it! good b -
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