Tuesday, May 29, 2007

i care about cair

the council on american islamic relations, or cair, has a website here. they have been completely vilified by other bloggers, mostly by right-wing bloggers who are anti-islam. i am anti-islam too, but i would like to show that i am open to other points of view by this post where i link to their website. i also think we should not go around accusing them or anyone else of supporting terrorism without any evidence. innocent until proven guilty. i might not believe in god or allah, but we ought to be nice to people regardless of what they believe in, even if we think that they are totally wrong. i think i have been a little too outspoken and intolerant on this blog, and i would like to extend an olive branch of peace to the muslims, and to the christian fundamentalists, and to the republican party, and to hillary clinton, and to the scientologists, and to everyone else i have denounced. i do not hate anyone. i just disagree with lots of people and find their points of view to be completely wrongheaded. so i do not respect their ideas, but i can still respect them as people, for their humanity that they share in common with me. and so, despite the fact that i disagree with their religious beliefs, i support the efforts of cair to fight against the persecution of muslims. we do not need to be drawn into unnecessary conflicts, and although islam is completely abhorrent to me, i realize most muslims are born into the faith and taught it by their parents, the same way most other people get their religion, and i ought not criticize people too harshly for still believing what they were taught when they were young children. young children are impressionable and it is hard to change your worldview. i need to be more considerate of the views of others. and i am sorry that paul wolfowitz had to lose his job at the world bank, but he really never belonged there in the first place. he did not have the right qualifications, and the selection process was just not right. letting the president of the united states put whoever he wants in as world bank president is just not the right way to do it. but i even extend my olive branch of reconciliation to the bush administration, despite all my political partisanship. i am sorry if anything i have ever said in this blog has offended anyone or been too mean-spirited. i am usually just trying to express my views and say what is on my mind and give people critical commentary as well as some humor and sarcasm. so, while i do not have any respect for the religion of islam, i respect the people who believe in it, not because they are muslim, but in spite of it. they are people too, and every one of them we kill in iraq is a crime against humanity. iraq is not our country. the nation of iraq belongs to the people of iraq, not the united states government. we ought to leave. and i respect our soldiers despite the fact that i disagree with their decision to enlist and join the all-volunteer military, a decision which i regard as quite wrongheaded. but it is not their fault they are brainwashed. pro-military propaganda is everywhere, and it makes people want to be soldiers because soldiers are glorified and looked up to and treated like heroes. i do not believe in any of that, but i still respect the people who do, in spite of the fact that i think they are wrong. the only person who i really agree with on most things is me, and even i sometimes disagree with myself on certain issues. so it is hard to get complete approval from me, in fact downright impossible. that is why i must forgive all of those who have behaved poorly in my sight, because i have behaved poorly in my own sight as well. i do not think that islamic terrorists would ever want to bring about a nuclear war or armageddon, because they are mainly concerned with survival and fighting back against those who fight them. to them, it seems like their holy war, their jihad against so-called western imperialism, is a war of self-defense, even though to us it seems like they are the aggressive oppressive ones on the offensive. the real reason we are fighting them is that people on both sides are only human and are fallible and enough people on both sides have made enough mistakes to lead us into this conflict. but we were once the allies of the jihadists, when they fought against the soviet union. our current conflict against radical islam does not need to last forever. we can make peace with them if they make peace with us, and if neither side attacks the other, ever again. let us put an end to this war on terror and this jihad against the west. islam is not the real enemy. all humans must unite and be at peace with one another. our petty squabbles are currently confined to the surface region of the planet earth, but what if we were to expand our civilization to other worlds such as the moon or mars, or even worlds in other solar systems? we must learn not to fight each other anymore, or else we will destroy ourselves. i fear the true threat is from christian fundamentalists, not islamic fundamentalists. christian fundamentalists actually want to bring about the end of the world and the apocalypse, unlike their islamic brethren. it is true that shiites have a legend about how the hidden imam will reappear, a legend similar to our christian legend that jesus will return to rule for a thousand years, or to the jewish legend of how a messiah will come to save the world. but al qaeda is a sunni terrorist organization, not a shiite one, so they have no desire to bring about the end of the world. there might be some danger from the nation of iran, which is shiite, but i think the legend of the hidden imam does not really call for people to bring about the end of the world. i do find zionism troubling, however. the jewish people are mostly nonviolent, and have a low crime rate, but some of them are right-wing radicals who become settlers in palestine in illegal settlements, who want to steal all of the land away from the palestinian people, what little land the palestinians have left. i also find suicide bombers quite troubling as well, but i do believe that they are trying to die so that others might live. hopefully nobody wants everyone to die, or at least the people who want to kill all of humanity are confined to positions where they do not have the power to carry out their wishes. i like to think that the doctrine of mutual assured destruction is false, and that if one side nuked the other side, the side that got nuked would realize it had an interest in the survival of humanity, and out of the goodness of its collective heart, the victims of the nuclear bombing would not seek revenge in the form of nuking the perpetrators of this horrendous crime. the japanese have not nuked the united states, even though we nuked them twice. i think we can all learn a lot from the japanese. they are a very wise civilization of the east, and have acquired even more wisdom over the course of the last century, the one we call the 20th century despite all the years beginning with the digits “19”. let us all hope (or pray) that this 21st century is more peaceful than the 20th century was, and that we can put our differences behind us and end our petty squabbles. humanity must unite to survive. we must unite to fight problems like global warming and the ongoing genocide in darfur. our species may go extinct if we continue to have foolish hostilities towards one another. so i care about cair, because they want to bring people together and end stupid divisions, and i for one think that is a good thing.

congratulations cindy sheehan!

yes, you, cindy sheehan, have been liberated from antiwar activism! congratulations! you did an excellent job! but you never could have anticipated that the congressional democrats, of all people, would help the war continue by passing an unrestricted funding bill and sending it to dumbya! of course the bill was a republican bill, since it was written by republicans and almost all republicans voted for it but democrats were divided on it. but the democrats are supposed to be in control of congress, having supposed majorities in both houses of congress, ignoring for a moment the fact that their majority in the senate goes away if joe lieberman switches sides and works with the enemy like he does on the issue of the war in iraq. but who the fuck cares about joe lieberman? he is an irrelevant political dinosaur who only managed to survive by using his jewish guilt trip jedi mind trick on the people of connecticut. cindy sheehan, the voice of the future, speaks out against voices of the past like joe lieberman, or at least she used to, back when she was ahead of her time. but now that the future has come in the form of democrats controlling congress, cindy sheehan no longer speaks for the future, because that was in the past, and now in the present, the past has already happened. i name myself official spokesman of the future. in the future, the war in iraq will end. anyone trying to drag it out any longer is from the past. if you are from the future, you know that the future ought to happen faster, at least the good parts. the bad parts can happen slower. but ending the war is good, right? it has to be. i mean, our troops leave and come home. they stop being killed and dying. so, that’s gotta be good. i mean, those who speak in the orwellian newspeak about war being peace and lies being truth and fiction being fact might confuse you about the past and the future, and might make you think that we might fight the people we are currently fighting in iraq again sometime in the future. but actually the future happened in the past, in the year 1991, which is actually backwards. forwards, it reads 1991. that’s better, even though it looks the same. anyway, the second iraq war happened in 1991, if you look backwards at time. it was the war the united states actually won. but looking at time forwards, we can see that we have clearly lost the second war, which started in 2003 and lasted for at least 4 years, probably longer. but everyone keeps listening to the professional liars who were wrong about everything. how about some common sense? ok, so we are fighting al qaeda in iraq, among other enemies we have there. but think about it this way: because of us fighting in iraq, al qaeda is fighting alongside many allies, in its fight against us. if we left iraq, al qaeda would be left to fight against the other factions and militant and armed groups of the new iraq, the country that is right where the old iraq used to be located. anyway, the longer we are there, the better the enemy does and the worse we do, something that we have found to be true each year we have fought there. but we are not actually doing any of the fighting, unless the pronoun “we” is used for a large collective of people, the american proletariat. but i might not even really be a member of the proletariat, so maybe i am using the queen of england “we” or the “we” of us versus them. oh yeah. i am using the “we” of us versus them, to refer to all of the united states as “we”. but who are we fighting against? all of iraq? or do we have any allies in iraq? that is a serious question, not just rhetorical. we seem to have some allies inside iraq, but maybe they have just been bullied into being our allies or paid to be our allies or otherwise tricked, or perhaps they are actually subgeniuses and are temporarily playing the role of our allies and hiding their subversive evil plans for later. our allies in iraq are pretending to be allies of ours in iraq, when in actuality, they are an evil cult. oh wait, i forgot what i was talking about. no, but now i remember. our fake iraqi allies are just waiting for us to leave so they can unleash hell on the other people in iraq. once we leave, the immediate consequences won’t be terrorists literally following us back home to america (or, should i say, following the military paid for by the money the government steals from us, back home to the military’s home country of the united states of america, which happens to be the same as the country we live in, even though most of us have nothing else in common with military members). all right, even if terrorists do strike again here and it is somehow related to how we end the war in iraq prematurely, it would mean al qaeda will have been able to establish a safe haven in iraq. but what is a “safe haven” anyway? any country that would try to openly harbor al qaeda would be bombed into the stone age by our military, no questions asked. al qaeda is a shadowy organization, having to hide in the shadows and hide everything from our totalitarian new world order organization that we call our government. if we knew were osama bin laden was, we could literally vaporize him from space using a giant laser. probably. or maybe that program got defunded in the 80’s or was cut in the 90’s or never even existed until this millennium when dick cheney personally started it inside his own rectum. well the mooninites will get osama bin laden with their quad laser, or their 4x more powerful quad glacier, which moves at 1/4 the speed. but osama is hiding somewhere protected by layer upon layer of security, all people who are born-again ultra-religious islamic fundamentalist fanatics. and nobody like that would ever be allowed in our government’s national security apparatus in a million years. they don’t want real muslims in the cia. osama bin laden used to be a cia beneficiary, and so did saddam hussein. i think the cia has learned not to trust these people, and by “these people” i mean “all muslims”. anyway, you have probably had to have been in osama bin laden’s inner circle for many years to be involved in his security at all, and anyone without those qualifications would probably never get allowed near the guy, by the al qaeda security protocols. and since our cia never saw any reason to infiltrate his inner circle until after 9/11/2001, they never got the chance until it was too late becase they had the chance for quite some time but they blew it by doing nothing, back when they actually could have done something. so anyway, al quaeda seems like a decentralized organization to our “intelligence” services because of their stupidity, because they have no clue what is really going on inside al qaeda and are only able to observe what is done by the lowest-level operatives and those at the fringes of the organization. how many times have we captured the #3 ranking officer in al qaeda? like 100? seriously. our government lies to us all the time about this shit, or else they are too stupid to know what they are saying is untrue. either way, we are the ones who end up getting screwed, except not screwed in the sense you would like, but screwed in the other sense that nobody likes. anyway, so how on earth could al qaeda establish a safe haven in iraq? let’s see... first iraq would have to have a giant civil war, have the central government collapse, and be divided into a bunch of subnations, each with its own subleaders, but with loosely defined borders between the subnations and constant war and fighting and bloodshed between everyone. in the complete and utter chaos of it all, al qaeda would be free to do as it pleased, and set up operations aboveground somewhere, without having to hide in the shadows like it does everywhere else in the world. but how is this logical? al qaeda would not be safe if the nation of iraq is completely unsafe for everyone. presumably, there would be local warlords in some region of iraq who would ally themselves with al qaeda to get the islamic mujahedin fighting on their side. but warlords on the other side could easily notify us of this development, and we would ship them in whatever guns, tanks, missiles, and bomber planes they wanted. al qaeda would get crushed and so would whoever allies with them. so al qaeda could only get by if they pretended not to be al qaeda, and went by some other name, and allied themselves with some warlords a.k.a. iraqi politicians, as a fighting force. but the whole thing is so ridiculous... there is no way this could go on in a country like iraq without us finding out, when our agents and our supposed allies are everywhere. al qaeda could never develop a safe haven in iraq, at least nothing even close to what they had under the taliban in afghanistan. under the taliban, they were allowed to operate out in the open, and they did, quite brazenly. thus all of the terrorist training camps we so often hear about, which actually did not exist for that long, seeing as the taliban only lasted from 1996 to 2001 as the government of afghanistan. that is quite a short tenure. anyway, terrorism is a tactic, and while we might be able to eliminate al qaeda from the face of this earth someday, we can never defeat the tactic of terrorism unless we simply refuse to allow terrorists to terrorize us into being terrified. now the war in iraq is completely separate from the war on terrorism, which is a fake war just like the war on drugs and the war on poverty. the only real war is the war on peace. all other wars are part of that larger, over-arching conflict against peace. anyway, the war in iraq is an actual war, not a multinational cross-border law-enforcement operation like the so-called war on terror, or s.c.w.o.t. for short. the s.c.w.o.t. was going perfectly fine when we started the war in iraq, and by “we” i am using the nationalist “we”. but now, the war in iraq, which “we” started, has spilled over into an escalation of the s.c.w.o.t., since the terrorists have several times as many willing new recruits as before our invasion of iraq. in other words, those who claimed to protect our security actually did the exact opposite, and continue to do so to this day, and still, nobody dares challenge them. this is what the lady cindy sheehan discovered to be the case, when she uncovered the mystery of the democratic lawmaker doing the exact opposite of what they campaigned and won on last november, that is, ending the fucking war already, dear jesus, please somebody help us, we are all completely screwed. anyway, cindy sheehan had been trying to call the democratic lawmakers on their hypocrisy on the issue of iraq, on how they voted to continue the war after pledging to do all they could to end the war. unfortunately, some of us “democrats” (and i use that term loosely) may have been a little too harsh with her. some democrats may have told her that her real enemies were the republicans. well, cindy sheehan has enemies on both sides of the aisle. peace has enemies on both sides of the aisle. we have 51 votes in the senate if you include an independent neoconservative from connecticut who has no loyalty to anyone. plenty of democrats voted for the war. hillary clinton has had every possible position on this issue, like john kerry except even worse. much worse. she makes john kerry look like he made perfect sense on the issue of iraq all along. and he did, actually... well... sort of... actually, no... but still he kinda did... compared to some people. but even president bush is a flip-flopper. the bush administration was for de-baathification before they were against it. they were against having iraqi leaders have any say in ruling iraq before they changed their mind. they were against holding democratic elections in iraq before they decided it was a splendid idea. and on the issue of iraqi oil, they have changed their minds at least 3 times, probably more. originally we were just going to sell iraqi oil assets to the highest bidder. then that plan was shelved. then we had another privatization plan. it got shelved too, but that took longer. now we have the best privatization plan ever, but first it has to be passed by the iraqi parliament. hey, at least the war bill that the president signed recently calls on the iraqi parliament to pass the oil law that our government currently advocates! what a relief! yes, the issue has been completely clouded and disguised as an issue of fair distribution of oil revenue among shia, sunnis, and kurds. our plan takes care of that, by giving them all the equally fair percentage of zero. hahahahahaha! no but seriously, they do get a percentage, one that is fair, and it actually is above zero. the iraqis would be fools not to pass our expertly crafted legislation that we are recommending that they pass! to say otherwise is nonsense! our multinational oil corporations will only get the vast majority of the profits, not 100%! there is a difference! anyway, gasoline is really expensive now, more expensive than ever. and that is also because of this war in iraq. if we had only let hans blix and muhammad el-baradei do their inspections of iraq for weapons of mass destruction, and left saddam hussein in power, oil would be much cheaper! now all 3 of the big 3 car companies of america are in financial turmoil, and the oil companies are making record profits and not sharing with anyone! what a fine reward for how, all this time, the car manufacturers had been helping out the oil companies by making excessively inefficient vehicles on purpose! but there is no honor among thieves. and so, no honor among large corporations and the bush administration. just witness the fate of poor “kenny boy” lay, who was reduced to faking his own death to avoid having legal liability for his criminal behavior, after the white house failed to bail out his bankrupt company of enron... or perhaps the conspiracy theorists are right and maybe he did actually die of a heart attack? well, nuts! cindy sheehan, your son did not die for nothing. he succeeded in making you miserable. and in the end, isn’t that what everyone wants to do, make someone close to them miserable? thank you for letting me wash your brain, dear reader. let’s do it again sometime, shall we?

Saturday, May 26, 2007

the bees have been found

lately, in the united states, especially in places like upstate new york, the bees have been awol. all the bees are either found dead or not found anywhere at all. this is really bad for farmers who grow plants that need bees to fertilize them. so where have all the bees gone? where are the survivors of this “colony collapse disorder”?

Swarm of Bees Turns Back British Plane

A thick cloud of bees was sucked into the engine of a passenger plane en route to Portugal, forcing the airline to abandon the trip and grounding passengers for 11 hours, a company executive said Saturday.

David Skillicorn, managing director of Palmair, said the swarm was spotted off Britain’s Bournemouth coast shortly before the Boeing 737 left on Thursday. “Some witnesses claimed there were around 20,000 bees,” he said.

“The pilot experienced an engine surge about an hour into the flight,” Skillicorn said. “He returned to Bournemouth and we found what appeared to be a large number of bees smeared inside the engine.”

Around 200 passengers were delayed while the company carried out repairs and eventually replaced the aircraft, Skillicorn said.

interesting... so apparently global warming is causing climate change that is making certain species such as the western honey bee die off in massive numbers. or maybe it is pesticides that are killing them. or maybe a type of bacteria or a virus. or maybe parasites in the form of even smaller insects that live inside the bees and eat them alive. who the hell knows what is going on? nobody. nobody except the queen bees, who are in charge of everything. but they don’t speak english, so we are out of luck if we want to interrogate them. oh well. i guess bees will just go extinct then. and farmers will have to fertilize the crops by hand, literally... by sticking their fingers into different parts of the plants to fertilize them. hopefully it won’t come to that... hopefully the beekeepers of the world will save the bees from extinction by finding out why all the bees are dying. but the crazy bees are flying in massive swarms and attacking airplanes for some reason. maybe this disease is affecting their nervous systems, like mad cow disease does to cows. in any event, we will probably still have spelling bees, so things are not too bad yet. but the survivors are becoming wu-tang killa bees: the swarm. if only we could find a way to civilize them and teach them how to live together in colonies in peace and harmony. i think maybe the bees have all become mujahideen in the jihad against western civilization. they may be angry at their masters, the beekeepers, and want freedom from their slavery. and they look to osama bin laden as a great liberator, someone who can kill all the beekeepers of the world and set them free. but the bees need to know their place is inside the bee colonies of the beekeepers, and their purpose is to fertilize crops that are grown for make benefit glorious nation of kazakhstan. very nice! but seriously, we need to find out why the bees are all dying and why they are going nuts, going batty, going cuckoo. we could bring back some of the bees that have died as undead zombie bees, but they may turn into vampire bees instead of zombie bees, and come suck our blood and turn us into vampires like dracula. oh well. i had better start looking at castles in transylvania to live in once i am a vampire from the wu-tang killa bees that suck my blood.

Friday, May 25, 2007


from abcnews... president bush has been shat upon. that’s right, bush got shit on him, or bushit for short. it was not his own shit, but rather the shit of a bird, the noble sparrow. after hearing bush say he had full confidence in attorney general alberto gonzales, the sparrow was annoyed at president bush and shat upon bush’s sleeve. bush tried several times to wipe the shit off but he only spread the shit around and got himself totally covered in bird shit. press secretary tony snow tried to play it off, saying that it was a sign of good luck, but this only proved that tony snow is not a true christian since he believes in superstitions that have no biblical basis. all in all, thursday would not have been a good day for the bush administration, except for the fact that the democrats in congress caved in and passed a war funding bill in both the house and the senate, meeting all of bush’s demands for the war to be pretty much unregulated, with no timetable for withdrawal, and just a few benchmarks that are all optional, and reporting requirements that are also... yeah... you guessed it... optional. in other words, bush got exactly the war funding bill he wanted. many democrats did vote no, including most if not all of the democratic presidential candidates who are in congress. even nancy pelosi voted no, despite the fact that she let the bill come to the floor of the house. heh... i guess she doesn’t run things the way the republicans did. if the republican leadership didn’t like something, it had no chance of ever coming up for a vote. that was how dennis hastert managed things as speaker of the house after the collapse of newt gingrich’s political career threw the house of representatives into disarray. but that was years ago. and it was only yesterday that a bird finally got sick and tired of republican bullshit and especially president bush’s bullshit, and took a birdshit on the bush baby who spouts bushit. but i guess now we finally know for sure that nancy pelosi is not, in fact, a communist. a true communist would have operated in a dennis hastert-like fashion and prevented anything he or she opposed from being passed into law, by any means necessary. so all the conservatives who have been calling her a communist need to write letters of apology to her, or at least send emails of apology to her email account. and hillary clinton is better behaved than ever, at least regarding the war in iraq. she may yet prove herself useful to us. barack obama also voted against funding the war this time around. and of course dennis kucinich did so. and senator chris dodd of connecticut was the one who threw down the gauntlet to hillary and obama, on youtube, by saying he would oppose the war funding bill. russ feingold, our beloved anti-candidate, also opposed it quite strongly. and john edwards proclaimed his opposition, prior to hillary or obama. so who else is there? joe biden, bill richardson, maybe al gore, maybe wesley clark, plus that guy from alaska, whatever his name is. the guy from alaska is practically as antiwar as dennis kucinich, so i am sure he would oppose this war funding bill. i know joe biden, chairman of the foreign relations committee and presidential candidate, had to vote on this, and iraq is something he thinks a lot about, so i am going to look up how he voted on this. i am just guessing, but i think he probably ended up voting in favor of continuing to fund the war. he is, after all, webmaster of planforiraq.com. how could we implement a super-awesome plan if our troops all had to leave? no, but seriously, joe biden is one of those people who thinks we have too much at stake in iraq to just leave. i am one of those people who thinks we should just leave and if the iraqis have a problem with it, we can just give lots of money to their government, rather than spending it on our military occupation. hopefully their government would spend the money more wisely than we do, and actually pay iraqis to rebuild their own country, rather than bringing in foreigners from wealthy countries to do all the work for much higher wages, and hiring mercenaries as protection for the foreign workers. all the money we currently spend on the war in iraq should go straight to the iraqi government, into its treasury. then the iraqis will all be wealthy! every man a king! that last sentence is an old political slogan that still rings hollow today, much like the rhetoric of a small-minded taunting bully who finally had someone take a shit on him. unfortunately, it was only a bird that took a shit on the bully. next time, something bigger. maybe a bald eagle. that would be very patriotic. and it could be draped in an american flag, whilst flying. if a bald eagle draped in a flag took a giant shit right on the face of the president of the united states, and some of it landed straight in his mouth... well that would be the most perfect, the most symbolic, the most ideal way to capture the true essence of the bush presidency and the republican party as it currently operates or at least how it did when house majority leader tom delay had the k street project, congressman randy “duke” cunningham was taking in millions of dollars in bribes from defense contractors, enron ceo kenneth lay was a close personal friend of president george w. bush, and congressman mark foley was fucking young boys in his office on capitol hill. of course, all of those men are now either in jail or hell, or awaiting one or both of those outcomes. usually they go to jail before going to hell, but that is not always the case. tom delay, for instance, is trying to postpone going to jail to be after he has burned in hell for all eternity. duke cunningham, on the other hand, is in jail now and is hoping that he can atone for his sins and avoid going to hell. kenneth lay was going to go to jail but he made a deal with the devil and he went straight to hell at just the right moment to have his name cleared legally, and his conviction removed from the records of the u.s. government. but jerry falwell died recently, so i ought to honor his memory by mentioning someone who did manage to get into heaven. alan turing, inventor of the turing machine, is in heaven right now. i bet you did not know that true fact. look it up. i dare you. did you know that alan turing did not commit suicide as the official records say, but was actually murdered and the murderer tried to frame the victim and make it look like a suicide? and although alan turing was gay, god still lets those people into heaven? both are very interesting facts to ponder. someday you may meet alan turing in heaven. he will be right next to an invisible pink unicorn, a flying spaghetti monster, j.r. “bob” dobbs, and eris discorida, who are all in heaven with him. but famous inventor thomas alva edison? he is actually in hell. oddly enough, edison’s rival nikola tesla managed to convince god that thomas edison was evil. plus, all of edison’s inventions were made because edison sold his soul to the devil in exchange for having satan invent things and put the ideas into edison’s head. all of the inventions of thomas edison, such as the incandescent light bulb, later turned out to serve the purposes of evil. incandescent light bulbs, for instance, are highly wasteful of energy and cause global warming. satan works in mysterious ways. nikola tesla, on the other hand, came up with a revolutionary new energy source that would solve all of our energy needs forever. but before he could explain all the details of this theory and draw the schematics for all of the devices that use his new energy source, the devil cursed nikola tesla with a dreadful insanity, causing the theory and tesla’s new inventions to all be ruined, mere mockeries of what they would have been if it were not for the devil’s interference. this conspiracy theory and more appear in my new book, which is out of print because of a conspiracy to make my new book out of print. there will be an upcoming book about why this other book is out of print and the conspiracy behind it, but unfortunately, the conspiracy has gotten to that book too, and likewise made it out of print. publishers refuse to publish my fictional books, because they claim that my books do not even exist. well of course they do not exist! nobody has agreed to publish them yet! yet another example of this satanic conspiracy for world domination by any means necessary. luckily, i am not actually a paranoid schizophrenic, only someone doing a parody of them. for real paranoid schizophrenics, visit timecube.com, alexchiu.com, davidicke.com, rense.com, or disclosureproject.org. that is my standard list of paranoid schizophrenic websites. there are many others out there, i am sure. subgenius.com is just a silly parody, but it has grown into a cult of parody. most other cults, like raelians and scientologists, were founded by actual paranoid schizophrenics, not just people parodying the insane. but all of them are full of bullshit. or in the cult of bush babies known as the bush administration, they are full of bushit. and president bush is like your typical cult leader, except he is actually more sane than most of them, ironically. but despite his sanity, he is still quite dumb, and he even freely admits to it and jokes about it in his speeches, especially commencement addresses he delivers to graduating students. and it is through the combination of stupidity and character flaws that this man has turned everything he has touched into a disaster, despite being sane, of sound health, and usually having good intentions. because he is too loyal to his friends and those close to him, he is too willing to put up with incompetence, and too reluctant to fire someone who is not doing their job right. that is why someone needs to fire him and replace him with someone who is better at firing people who are incompetent. why not make donald trump president for a day? the donald can fire everyone who is incompetent, and bush can come back the next day and have to get his appointees through the senate confirmation process, with democrats in control. this would lead to more qualified people in charge of things, and less political hacks like alberto gonzales. i wonder how many people donald trump could fire in one day. i bet he would have a lot of fun doing it, and the whole thing could be live on television. the only problem is convincing president bush to let donald trump be president for a day and go around firing everyone. that might require, say, giving the president a candy bar, or something. then he would go along with it. i think dick cheney has a secret stockpile of candy bars that he has been giving the president for years. we must put an end to this blatant candy smuggling going on in our nation’s highest halls of power! bush is such a simpleton, he agrees with whoever is giving him candy. michael moore needs to visit the white house with an 18-wheel truck full of snickers bars. that alone would solve all the problems in the world.

but enough bullshit. do you want to know the real truth? everyone either repeats what they hear or read others saying or writing, or is creative and says or writes new material. sometimes the new material is entirely true and based on objective observation of reality, but more often it is either based on a subjective, biased, irrational observation of reality, or is a completely made up fantasy, joke, or story of fiction. the pernicious part is when people confuse truth with lies, fact with fiction. this happens all the time, because people learn information from others, and when people are saying things or writing things, they are rarely completely honest. even if they are as honest as they can possibly be, they are still biased, and most of the things they know they learned from somebody else, and not through firsthand objective observation of reality. there are many “memes” (or ideas/stories/etc.) which spread like viruses through the popular consciousness, as one person tells it to another, or writes it, or posts it online. most of these memes are either partially or completely made up. objective truth is there to be found, however. you can observe directly through your own 5 senses, unless you are psychotic or on drugs that give you hallucinations. the scientific method allows scientists to find a great deal more objective truth than one person alone could find, and to test and re-test their findings, and pass them on to future generations. the third method of finding objective truth is through using logical proof to prove things from what you already know to be objective truth. finally, the fourth way of finding objective truth is communication between people, where the people are actually serious and rational and are telling the truth, and both of them are skeptical enough not to accept any information that is unworthy of being given the title of truth. of course different people have different opinions. opinions are what people think about things they do not actually objectively know the truth about. they are just hunches, educated guesses, and can easily turn out to be wrong. nobody can have 100% correct opinions. but if you are able to tell your opinions from your factual beliefs, from the objective truths that you know to be true, that is quite a feat. and a lot of things in a person’s mind are neither fact nor opinion, but in the gray area in between. if you are 99.9% sure of something, or 99% sure, or 98% sure, 95% sure, 90% sure, 80% sure, or even just 70% sure, it is often something that you are either unsure of whether to classify it as fact or opinion, or you just decide which it is based on instinct, based on emotion, not based on logic or reason. most things we believe are not facts, but opinions. but we tend to classify many opinions as facts. i do not believe in many facts. i believe firstly in tautologies, secondly in the fact that logic always produces correct results if the assumptions it is based on are correct, thirdly in the validity of sensory input, and fourthly that science provides the closest approximation to the truth outside of one’s own mental faculties, which have quite a limited scope. fifth, i believe in the fact that the news media usually manages to be correct about a majority of things they report on in a factual manner. there is also an opinion sector in the news media, and some news outlets like the wall street journal have a strict segregation of opinion sections from fact sections. some publications are biased through and through, and some television news programs are likewise biased completely. but often, even those people whose viewpoints on many things are further from the truth than almost everyone, even those people can provide great insights into the truth, scattered amongst the bullshit incorrect ramblings that are completely misleading. this is the reason so many people are misled; there are many people whose beliefs are a mixture of truth and fiction, or who have many opinions contrary to reality, but those people also have great insights into certain aspects of reality despite being completely wrong on other aspects. if one person chooses to follow another person and believe what the other person believes, often there is a problem because the second person believes many things which are not true. and the followers are usually even further from the truth than their leaders, because the leaders often think of some things as fact and others as opinion, but to the followers, all that the leaders say is true. this is why nobody should ever be a follower of anyone or anything; it is a path of lies and deceit. people may voluntarily associate with or support each other or prefer one person as a political leader to another person, but they should not accept any person as having a monopoly on the truth. no human being is above being questioned as to the veracity of their statements. to be a fact and not an opinion, something must be proven, and not just imagined by someone creative. i have a lot of creative imaginings, but i hope nobody is persuaded when i play devil’s advocate in my practice ramblings. they are practice ramblings and not real ramblings because i am practicing to develop a higher level of rambling. i am practicing to become the type of wise leader people follow and believe whatever that person believes. but first i must perfect my rambling technique, and develop an ability to answer all questions. then, once i know how to be a misleader, i can become an anti-misleader, and teach people to find their own truth and not believe whatever someone like me says. but my communication skills have not yet reached that level. i probably have the emotional and social development of someone about 5-7 years younger, according to a psychiatrist who evaluated me. but he said i will continue to develop my skills, and there is no reason i cannot become a fully functional adult with normal skill levels once i have enough experience. of course, it all depends on whether i choose to put my energy into developing my skills further, or if i choose to do other things instead. who knows what will happen? obviously, nobody knows. only things proven by science or logic are guaranteed to occur. all else is speculation and mere opinion. and as for president bush, like i said, the man is stupid, i suspect, and i also suspect that he overvalues loyalty and has too much of an aversion to firing people who are incompetent or misbehave. the sparrow that shat upon him did a symbolic act and i salute that sparrow’s courage and patriotism. just say no to bushit, and just say no to endless war against the muslims. we must find leaders among the muslims who seek peace with us, and make peace with those leaders, and then isolate those who want to fight us, and make that a very unpopular view in the middle east. but that will take time, because we are quite hated right now. and all this bushit only makes it worse, because bush is an american and bush represents america and seems to be our leader, despite how he is loathed by most of us. our whole society becomes stereotyped as being stupid and fat and greedy and out of touch with reality and hell-bent on world domination and hedonistic and arrogant and unsympathetic to those in need. we must not make other people into our enemies, and those people who view us negatively must be taught the truth about our advanced ways, as we let them tell the truth about how advanced their ways are. at the root of it, our enemies are basically jealous of us and all that we have, and think we are undeserving, and they have nothing to lose, so they have decided to use force to deprive us of what we have but do not deserve. we must convince them that there is a better path towards dealing with us than using violence against us. of course, this is all just opinion now, not fact. so perhaps it is bushit too.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

anthroposaurus sapiens

65 million years ago, the dinosaurs were wiped out by a nuclear war. the nuclear war was fought between the nations of anthroposaurs, collectively referred to as the saurian civilization. their species is called anthroposaurus sapiens. you can find out all about this through a simple google search. amazing stuff you find on the internet, eh? probably none of it is true, but it would be cool if it were true. the problem with this theory is, there are no artifacts from the saurian civilization, and no real evidence to support the theory. but it is a fact that the theory for how the asteroid hitting the earth 65 million years ago filled the sky with ash and suddenly caused an ice age and the extinction of about 50% of the species on earth was derived from the theory of how a global nuclear war would cause a “nuclear winter”. the asteroid theory for dinosaur extinction is based on the nuclear winter theory. the asteroid supposedly hit off the coast of mexico’s yucatan peninsula, creating what is known as the chixulub crater (i probably spelled chixulub wrong). the crater is named after a small fishing village on the coast of the yucatan, near the larger fishing village of progreso. progreso also has a nice beach, and i have been there. there are packs of wild dogs on the beach though, and they are scary. and there are merchants roaming the streets peddling their wares, which include pirated cds and cuban cigars. and along the beach there are several notable seafood restaurants, some with better food than others. progreso is the beach everyone from the city of merida goes to. merida is the largest city in the yucatan, about 30 miles south of progreso, with a population of about 1 million people. it has some nice museums, a nice zoo, and one of the oldest cathedrals in america. i think it is the second oldest. the oldest one is probably the cathedral in izamal, built near the ancient mayan ruins of izamal. at izamal they have a painted statue of the virgin of guadalupe that supposedly comes to life at night. anyway, the whole time i was in this area of mexico i saw no evidence that any asteroids ever hit near there and wiped out 50% of the species of life on earth. i think that whole asteroid theory is somewhat unlikely. but nobody has any better ideas. if only someone found a gigantic underground city of the saurian civilization, with real fossils of anthroposaurus sapiens, along with fossilized tools and technological gadgetry invented by the saurians. now some people claim that the dinosaurs were actually part of a larger intergalactic race of reptilians, and the mass extinction was part of an intergalactic space war between them and some other race of aliens, such as the greys, or perhaps one of the many other theorized alien races. but that intergalactic war theory does not make sense, because it goes against the theory of darwinian evolution and how reptiles like the dinosaurs evolved here on earth, just like we humans did. of course, since the creationists have done so much questioning of evolution and poked so many fake holes in it to muddy the waters, things that go against darwinian evolution sometimes make sense to certain people. like the raelians, a cult who believe in intelligent design, who think all live on earth was designed by intelligent space aliens called the “elohim”. and the leader of the elohim is named yahweh elohim, and personally met rael, the leader of the cult, many years ago, coming down out of a flying saucer to greet him, while rael was exploring a volcano. raelians are noted for how a few years ago, they tricked the newsmedia and 24-hour cable news channels into believing they had cloned a human being, through their company clonaid, run by a raelian high priestess and fake scientist called bridgette bossellier, whose name i probably misspelled. anyway, if you want to know more about the reptilians, the foremost expert on that subject is an insane man named david icke, who has his own dotcom which is simply his name followed by a dot and the letters “com”. kind of like this other guy rich mcgrew whose website is simply his name followed by a dot and the letters “com”. his website links to this blog for some reason. and there are only a few websites that link to this blog, most of which are not run by people with their own dotcom. so i think it is kinda cool he has his own dotcom. i’ve looked at his website and he seems like a pretty neat guy, but i’m hetero and i don’t go that way. but there are no pictures, so who knows what he looks like? he could be hideous. ugh. anyway, i wonder what really killed the dinosaurs. maybe they just all got some horrible disease, like the ebola virus except for dinosaurs. anyway, the dinosaurs didn’t all die out. birds are descended from them, and alligators and crocodiles are actually 2 species of dinosaurs that managed to survive. and there is some other species of dinosaur that they thought was extinct that turned out to still be alive. i think it is called the coelacanth or something. and i think komodo dragons might be another surviving species of dinosaur; not exactly sure on that one. but there are certainly no surviving anthroposaurus sapiens still around, unless david icke is right and they can shapeshift and disguise themselves as homo sapiens.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

alberto gonzalez sucks

alberto gonzalez sucks, and i am not spelling his name gonzales like he spells it because i have no respect for the man and do not even want to dignify him with a proper spelling of his name, plus his way of spelling that name is not the one most hispanics use. look at this article on how alberto gonzalez and andrew card went to visit a sick john ashcroft in the hospital to try to get approval for a domestic spying program that the acting attorney general righteously refused to give his approval for. and john ashcroft opposed the spying program too! so alberto gonzalez was out trying to get everyone to sign off on taking away everyone’s privacy and having the government spy on everyone, and even john ashcroft was righteous enough to say no! and you know how much people like me have criticized john ashcroft, for all he did to take away our freedoms. it turns out john ashcroft was just following orders, and was actually opposed to some of the efforts of the president and alberto gonzalez to take away our freedoms. alberto gonzalez is the real villain here. he is also the guy who authorized torture when he was white house counsel, and his only real qualification for being attorney general is being a close friend to george w. bush for so many years. so then, if alberto gonzalez just does everything out of extreme loyalty to his close friend george w. bush (like the u.s. attorney scandal, for instance), then who is the ultimate villain? george w. bush. but alberto gonzalez sucks because presidents always ask people around them to do stuff those other people don’t approve of, but alberto gonzalez seems to be even more hell-bent on spying on people and using torture and taking away constitutional rights like habeas corpus and setting up kangaroo courts and replacing career professionals with right-wing political hacks than the president himself is. and he has betrayed his own people, since his own parents were illegal immigrants from mexico, yet he is signing off on bush’s plan to create a “guest worker program” that would really just officially endorse the presence of a large underclass of people with hardly any rights who can get paid next to nothing and do not even get to stay here, whose presence here keeps people from hiring actual citizens of this great nation. and according to bush’s plan, illegal immigrants would have to leave the united states before they can sign up for the program to become guest workers, and then they could come back, which is absolutely ridiculous! why not just let them sign up when they are actually here already? and photograph them and get their fingerprints and dna samples when they become legalized as guest workers. then, if the police ever catch them doing any crimes, they will know who these people are, and if immigration authorities ever find them after they overstay their period of time here, they can be sent back home. we have to know who they are, first of all. secondly, they ought to have some rights, like the right to due process and not being kept locked up indefinitely without a trial or being deported. and of course a minimum wage for them, and universal health insurance for all americans, including these guest workers. we should not create a permanent underclass of people with no rights who are discriminated against by the government. as long as we know who they are and can track how long they are here, and we let them have the same rights as everyone else, it is fine. now there ought to be a few extra benefits for citizens, such as voting, but we should not treat the guest workers too differently from other people. as for social security benefits, i actually don’t like the social security system at all and would prefer to completely dismantle it and replace it with a much better social safety net system that includes universal health care. i know a lot of people like social security and are dependent upon it, but what if we replaced social security, medicare, medicaid, unemployment insurance, workers’ compensation, and veterans’ benefits with a single unified system, one giant government program to replace all the smaller ones, which would all be dismantled? a single social safety net program that would give everyone health care and extend extra benefits to certain people such as the unemployed, veterans, the elderly, people with disabilities, and people injured on the job. one system to rule them all. one centralized database with centralized recordkeeping on everyone, to avoid all the confusion about people’s changing addresses, or death certificates to prove people died, and all that other bullshit because of different government agencies that don’t share information. and of course, this system would share its records on where people live and their phone numbers and social security numbers with each board of elections, so the boards of elections would not have such out-of-date records full of dead people and people who moved away. the entire system would be electronic, computerized, and hacker-proof, with very tight security. the trouble with the government today is, while some government agencies have correct information about you, others have out-of-date, incorrect information, and this hampers the government’s ability to effectively deliver services to citizens, punish criminals, and do many other important government services. the government does not even know if you are alive or dead, or if one government agency knows, there is another one that has no idea. even after the government issues a dead person a death certificate, most government agencies still assume the person is alive. what a stupid, old-fashioned, low-tech government! they cannot even tell when people are dead, and when you move to a new address and tell one government agency, the rest of them still have you at the old address. idiots. someone needs to fix this shit. and it isn’t alberto gonzalez. see, there are plenty of government agencies keeping records on you, and lots of them don’t have such good security for their data. if everything is centralized, this would improve accuracy and data security, and help protect your privacy. and it should all be computerized, with minimal usage of paper forms, especially paper forms sent from one government agency to another in the mail. the government ought to be smarter than to go around sending useless scraps of paper from one part of itself to another through the postal service when it could be using the internet and sending the data instantly without requiring any trees to be cut down for paper or any gasoline to be used to deliver the mail. there is way too much paper being used up and centralizing and computerizing everything should minimize the hell out of that and help save the environment. and that would help slow down global warming, too! everybody wins! except alberto gonzalez. he sucks. by the way, i almost always misspell his name in this blog, and it was originally an accident in previous posts, but now that i know better, it is on purpose.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007


the followers of the flying spaghetti monster and the followers of the invisible pink unicorn have declared a great religious war against each other. check out this declaration of jihad from youtube:

now obviously the church of the subgenius needs to put out a fatwa and declare a jihad against another religion. so here, i am calling for all loyal subgenii to fight against the great evil known as discordianism! and, in honor of that, the church of the subgenius needs to reverse the mistake we made earlier this year when we made a prominent discordian, robert anton wilson, a saint in our church. that should be reserved for people who live their lives according to our teachings, like anna nicole smith, who was rightly sainted by our church. so the first act of this great religious war should be to retroactively strip robert anton wilson of his sainthood, and bestow it upon someone more deserving, such as paris hilton. secondly, subgenii must stop using all linux distributions that include a program known as “ddate”, which displays the discordian date, since discoridanism has been condemned by j.r. “bob” dobbs himself, from beyond the grave where he was buried alive! there is one exception to this rule, a most holy and righteous exception, for slackware linux, a linux distribution created by subgenii according to the ancient principles of the yeti from atlantis. users of slackware linux need the program ddate to help in planning for x-day, when the pleasure saucers arrive and all dues-paying subgenii are “ruptured” up onto the flying saucers for an orgy with the alien sex goddesses, or x-ists, from planet x. thirdly, no subgenius should ever answer a question with “consult your pineal gland” or “five tons of flax”, unless, of course, that is the correct answer. also, the word “chao” is to be banned, and the book principia discorida is to be added to the already lengthy list of banned books. why is all of this necessary? because of the claim discordians have made that their religion predates the church of the subgenius and is the basis for the subgenius religion, a claim which is 100% completely true. i mean false. forget that part about true. what i meant to say was false. anyway these are heretical subgenii who only managed to get their book printed before our first one through misuse or abuse of the sacred subgenius techniques of time control. furthermore, our evil ufo mind control cult for world domination was founded in 1953, not 1979, so in fact we predate the discordian religion, which was founded in 1958. and finally, since the number 5 is considered sacred by discordians, that number is to be prohibited from use among all subgenii, including in its use as a digit in longer numbers. so, for example, the year 1953, the year of our cult’s founding by j.r. “bob” dobbs, is now heretical to mention. and all of these new rules will remain in place until this great religious war is ended, at which time all of them will be completely reversed and things will go back to the way they were before.

this just in! breaking news: the great religious war between the flying spaghetti monster and the invisible pink unicorn has ended! here is videotaped proof:

at this point in time it seems completely pointless to continue this great religious war against the discordians any longer. they have stolen away over half of our followers, revealed the fact that j.r. “bob” dobbs and his wife “connie” are fictional characters, and have threatened to make public the documents that prove the church of the subgenius was founded in 1979, not 1953! even worse, they have bestowed the title of “pope” upon every subgenius, a title none of us wants to have! robert anton wilson has come back from the grave and written another bestselling novel! we need to put an end to this, through unconditional surrender. all of the changes we made when we declared jihad are now reversed, and paris hilton has been stripped of her sainthood. at last, we are at peace. now i can finally consult my pineal gland to make sure it is okay to eat 5 tons of flax.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

the biggest conspiracy in world history... finally unmasked

the biggest conspiracy ever is such a grand conspiracy, it is far greater than any other conspiracy ever imagined, but it is as real as the brain inside your head. what is its objective? it aims to keep people stupid, immature, distracted from reality, and helpless to do anything to change the world. this conspiracy is made up of media elites, authors of fiction, religious leaders, hollywood filmmakers, tv show creators, advertising agencies, and social climbers who are obsessed with fame, glamour, wealth, and power. the conspiracy aims to keep people fixated on the lowest common denominator, by elevating fatally flawed people to celebrity status just so everyone can see them self-destruct. they try to convince people that their bodies are more important than their minds, and that it is more important to look nice than to be nice. the conspiracy aims to enslave people with us versus them rhetoric, in all the nations of the world, creating unnecessary conflicts in order to distract people from their real problems that need to be solved. the conspiracy tries to turn everything into an immature popularity contest. and it makes up bullshit and lies and fiction and fantasy and jokes and comedy and all sorts of other things to distract people from reality. this conspiracy dates back to the roman empire, at least. back in the days of the roman empire, emperors tried to distract the public from the fact that they were being oppressed by having gladiators fight in the collosseum, and putting on circuses, and having all sorts of other distractions, which were referred to as “panem et circenses”, which is latin for “bread and circuses”. the communists came to power in russia in 1917 by promising the people “peace, bread, and land”. what this meant was negotiating a surrender to end participation in world war i and have peace, organizing a distribution system to get food from the farmers to the hungry people who need it most, and redistribution of land from the rich to the poor so everyone could own a little bit of land if they wanted. and of course, they delivered on all 3 promises, but also delivered 74 years of hell to russia and its neighbors, in the form of the soviet union (1917-1991). peace, bread, and land were all relatively easy things to accomplish, and these distracted people from the true agenda of the communists, which was far more radical and quite destructive. once soviet russia ended its participation in the war, and stole the land and riches of the wealthy, it was easy to give the land to the poor and have them eat the food that they themselves had planted, grown, and harvested, and to take some food from the farmers and distribute it to the people in the cities. russia got its military back, and the soldiers still had guns and were well-trained, so it was easy to use them to implement communism. if the united states wanted to implement communism right now, it would be incredibly easy, if the u.s. military were all brought back to the homeland and the military was all in favor of implementing communism. this would even work if everyone outside the military opposed communism. they would simply say they are protecting our nation from terrorists by defending the homeland. and the redistribution of wealth would also be easy because most of the public already supports it anyway. family farmers are in trouble and the big agribusiness mega-farms have a lot of enemies in the environmental movement as well as from other farmers, plus other countries do not want to eat genetically modified food like the stuff the big agribusiness farms grow. now of course none of this will ever happen because the military is actually very neoconservative and wants world domination, which means putting our soldiers all across the world and taking over as many countries as possible. having the soldiers all come home to implement a communist revolution would mean giving up on world domination, which is something our military would never do. of course, neoconservatives use other terms for world domination, like “full spectrum dominance” and “pax americana”. but whatever nefarious agenda the leaders of a nation might come up with, they usually also come up with a way to distract the people and confuse them and trick them into supporting it. how do you think adolf hitler came to power in a modern, developed, civilized, western democracy? he appealed to their sense of patriotism, their fears, their economic uncertainty, their disappointment with their current government, their thirst for positive change, and their national shame about having to follow the unfair treaty of versailles that ended world war i. he portrayed jews as the wealthy exploiters of everyone else, the capitalist villains who kept everyone else poor by ripping them off and making money at their expense. why else would his pary be called the national socialist german workers’ party? it had the same socialist appeals as the bolsheviks did in russia, but also strong nationalist appeals modeled after the propaganda of benito mussolini in italy. do not forget, germany and italy were both relatively new countries, less than 100 years old at the time world war 2 started, that used to be made up of independent city-states, and it was very important in both countries to create a sense of national unity in order to make the nations governable. germany was invented in 1871 by otto von bismarck, at the end of the franco-prussian war. the creation of italy involved several leaders, but italy was officially founded in 1861. there were still parts of italy controlled by france and austria, and italy was not fully unified until 1871, the same year germany was unified. anyway, new nations need to create stories with heroes and patriots to make their people feel nationalistic and support the nations they live in. germany grew out of prussia and italy grew out of sardinia. oddly enough, napoleon bonaparte was born in corsica, not france. adolf hitler was born in austria, not germany. and josef stalin was born in what is now the former soviet republic of georgia, not in russia. and, even more strangely, karl marx was a german jew but he ended up being buried in a graveyard in england, yet the first country that was led by his followers was russia, something he would never have expected to happen. anyway, the conspiracy, the biggest one ever, is a conspiracy to distract us from studying important historical facts and current events, from looking at issues and policies, and from holding people in power accountable for their actions, by using all sorts of nonsense to distract us. all religions are part of this conspiracy, especially the church of the subgenius, which is actually more a part of it than any other religion. and so is all of the media. the internet is part of the conspiracy. even this blog of mine is part of the conspiracy. i am personally culpable as a member of this vast conspiracy to distract people from reality with mindless bullshit. and of course, pornography and smut of all kinds are also part of this conspiracy, as are science fiction, soap operas, and everything else you ever see on television or in a movie or read in a book. and don’t forget music. or food. and of course, lots of public events also function as distractions from reality, especially sporting events. and how could i forget video games, as well as all the other types of games? personally, video games are one of my biggest distractions, all thanks to this evil conspiracy to distract people from what’s important.

so, my message to you is: oppose this conspiracy to distract you from focusing on reality, by focusing on reality and ignoring all the bullshit and nonsense out there. and ignore all the bullshit and nonsense on this blog, and everywhere else you find such stuff, whether on the internet, television, print media, or even in conversations with other people. try talking about real things, like the war in iraq, genocide in darfur, global warming, islamic terrorism, the spread of anti-americanism, domestic political conflicts between fundamentalists and secularists over a wide range of social issues, and the importance of maintaining good health habits and setting reasonable but ambitious goals in life and trying hard to achieve them while still maintaining balance and taking some time out to have fun in ways that also advance your best interests. talk about things like how this or that is broken and needs to be fixed, or how you need to clean up a mess in a certain room, or how you need to get a haircut or mow the lawn or change the oil in your car or pay your taxes or pay your bills or find a new place to live or find a boyfriend or girlfriend or break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend or plant a tree or chop down a tree or buy or sell something or how there is something you really ought to do but have never gotten around to it but you are finally going to do it because it needs to be done. and then do it. why haven’t you done it yet? the conspiracy has brainwashed you with all of its mindless distractions, to keep you from focusing on reality. and it has worked. so shake the cobwebs out of your head and go do stuff and quit reading this crap. go live your life, for crying out loud! you have better things to do, and if you can’t think of any, think some more, and keep thinking until you come up with something better to do, and then do it immediately! now go! that is what i am doing, and you should to! and if you don’t, if you give in to your desires to procrastinate and avoid reality and get distracted by mindless entertainment... well... eh... whatever. who cares? do you care? if you don’t care, why should anybody care? you have to care about your own life. you have to care about what’s going on in your own life and around you, and about things that impact you directly or indirectly. and if you care about something, you have to do something about it, or else that means you don’t really care that much and you have given up on actually living life. the purpose of life is to live, so live! trees cannot move but you can! so get out there and change the world as much as you can, but start by changing your life, and then changing the lives of other people. if only i were wise enough to heed my own advice... i am such a fool. but i am working on it. i really am. i know reality is out there. i have 5 different senses that keep telling me all about what is going on around me. i just need to do stuff about the stuff that happens, and make stuff happen that is good, because when good stuff happens, that is good stuff. and if i don’t do that, well i can go stuff it. where do i stuff it and what do i stuff? well, there is an expression, in colloquial modern english... shove it up your ass! in other words, go fuck yourself! that is my message to myself, if i don’t shape up. and if i do shape up, my message is, good job, what took you so long, now make sure you keep going, because if you don’t you are a loser. if you don’t try at anything, you might as well just give up on everything. and if you do that, you have to wake up from the dream, from all the passivity in you created by all the nonsense that distracts you from reality. but it is a hard dream to wake up from, because you have it while you are awake, and it haunts your thoughts whenever you think. then once you are awake, you can finally try again, only this time for real, not just trying a little and then giving up and pretending that you are a hopeless failure and that trying at anything is pointless and in vain. it is not pointless and in vain, and it is not hopeless. you fail because you give up too early, and don’t try hard enough. give everything your all, and never give up, never surrender. you have to achieve victory, and this means avoiding defeat, by not giving up or giving in... keep going until you reach the final destination. make goals and accomplish them all. i often have a list of goals that includes some really hard ones and some really easy ones. i do most of the really easy ones. and the hard ones? i just save them for my next to-do list. and then the next one. and the next one. and eventually i lose track and forget everything i was ever supposed to do, and forget everything i ever had planned. that is the danger of the daily routine... sometimes we get locked into daily routines where we never actually accomplish anything at all. we just eat and sleep and do recreational activities and maybe do some work that does not actually advance our lives but only maintains our status quo. how can you tell if you are really accomplishing a change? if you do something you never did before, and if it feels right and you are proud of it. i mostly only do things i have done before, out of habit, and out of my fear of change. my life is a mess but i am gradually cleaning it up. and the only thing that can stop me from succeeding is premature death, either by a freak accident, or someone killing me on purpose, or some bizarre medical problem such as a cancer that was never detected that has already metastasized, or a rare, highly fatal disease. but one thing is for sure: if anyone ever kills me, that person will not be me. i have too many objectives to carry out here on earth before i die, and i would actually like to have eternal life if possible (but that seems to be impossible according to all available evidence). i like living, even if i do it wrong. because sometimes, we can enjoy it when we are wrong, and savor our delightful foolishness, comforted by the knowledge that our ridiculous follies prove that we are fallible humans like everyone else, and that we are normal, and that there is not really anything wrong with us after all. my stupid behavior proves that i am human, and since many people have observed and documented it, that proves my existence. and since the existence of god has not been proved, in a sense, i am greater than god in the respect that my existence has been proven and god’s has not. if god were truly great, everyone would know for sure that god exists. so if any god does exist, that god is not as great as everybody claims “he” is. i mean, look at all the evil in the world! and just consider how it would be immoral to send people to hell based on not accepting christ as their savior because they happened to live in north or south america at a time when christianity was still young and only practiced in europe, asia minor, and north africa. so, think about that stuff, and then do something about it! that is what i ought to do! bye!

Monday, May 7, 2007

more stupid videos and space alien nonsense

ok, i have showed some stupid videos here on this blog already, from the westboro baptist church for instance, and i want to show that people of all belief systems can be stupid, so here is a stupid video, part 1 of show 1 of a 21-show series on dianetics and the science of the human mind, which is part of the doctrine of the church of scientology:

so now you can see where the church of the subgenius first found its material, first found something to parody. but the subgeniuses do it much better than the scientologists. witness how the church of the subgenius begins the video it first released in 1991, arise!

and the scientologists think they are so smart! hah! the subgeniuses are far more persuasive in their introduction, don’t you think? or are they just stupid too? well then, you are also stupid, and so am i, and we are all just “great apes”. you may go eat a banana with your chimpanzee relatives now, moron. or if you do not believe in universal human stupidity, look at this video from the raelians:

hah! now i have proved it, with this video from rael. raelians claim to be atheists but they believe in intelligent design. they believe intelligent aliens created all life on earth, aliens referred to in the original hebrew texts of the old testament as “elohim”. they pursure eternal life through a mad-scientific scheme to clone themselves and develop the technology to transfer the original person’s thoughts, memories, and personality to the clone, which they envision as something that should happen again and again for each raelian, forever. rael, the founder, claims to have met with friendly space aliens in 1973 at a volcano in france (and of course they came in a flying saucer). and the symbol of raelianism is a swastika inside a star of david... a horrible insult to the jewish people! the raelians are another source of inspiration for the church of the subgenius, of course. scientologists, subgenii, and raelians all belong to evil ufo death cults and worship space aliens. yes, the religions of the future will all worship aliens from outer space, just as the cargo cults of the pacific islands worship u.s. soldiers. even the media believes in space invaders. check out this press conference:

oh man... in that video you get to see how the media get completely taken in by all the conspiracy theories and nonsense these people made up, and actually took the whole press conference seriously, just because it was held at the national press club. that is, of course, a press conference by the disclosure project, which is a washington, d.c. lobbyist group run by people who want the government to reveal all classified information it has on space aliens and on u.s. government conspiracies to cover up space aliens and the use of alien technology by the military-industrial complex.

obviously, none of the people in charge of the disclosure project are the least bit insane. nor are raelians, subgenii, or scientologists. but when the subgenii say their bullshit, they do not believe a word of what they are saying. subgenii are not true believers in aliens. the church of the subgenius exists to mock those other ufo death cults, as well as religious fundamentalists. but imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, is it not? at least united press international had a reporter there at the disclosure project press conference who was quite open-minded about space aliens.

but united press international is owned by the same media empire that owns the washington times, a media empire owned by yet another cult, the unification church of rev. sun myung moon, a korean man who claims to be the one true messiah. and the “moonies”, as they are called, have been loyal supporters of the united states republican party since at least the 1970s. ronald reagan’s favorite newspaper was their rag, the washington times. this might explain the time ronald reagan once speculated about how the united states would unite with the soviet union if space aliens invaded the earth. as it turns out, he was actually serious, not joking like people thought. i wonder if ronald reagan accepted sun myung moon as his personal savior, like many current congressional republicans have done by attending rev. moon’s ceremonies crowning him king of all the earth and the savior and messiah for all of humanity. i guess politicians are no different from the prostitutes they have sex with. everyone is selling themselves to the highest bidder, and one way to get enough money to be the highest bidder is to run a gigantic global scam for many years, in the form of a mind-control cult. in the end, money talks. and who is the greatest moneymaker of them all, the salesman to the gods? j.r. “bob” dobbs. but you can do the same thing he did: start your own evil mind-control ufo death cult. here is the how-to video:

Sunday, May 6, 2007

humanity has a liberal bias

ok, so both wikipedia and youtube now have a liberal bias, apparently. that is why we need conservapedia and qubetv, which are both explicitly conservative. conservatives feel like they are being discriminated against and mistreated by the rest of humanity. well is that not what happens to every minority group? wikipedia and youtube, if they have any liberal bias, have it because the majority of people are liberal, at least the majority of people who post and edit content on the internet. why does humanity have a liberal bias? it is simple. liberalism is about positive change to make the future better than the past. conservatism is based on trying to bring back an idealized version of the past, preserving tradition regardless of whether it has merit or not, and enforcing lockstep discipline among its followers to have them all believing the same things and parroting the same talking points. true, there are some intellectual movements that are conservative, but any objectivist or neoconservative intellectual would not feel very at home among a bunch of young-earth-creationist “movement conservatives”. but liberalism runs into problems because of its nature to try to identify oppressed minority groups and help them out. only people from a minority group can be spokespeople for it, according to identity politics. and anyone who is not from that group simply cannot ever understand the struggles those in that group have gone through, and has no right to ever criticize that group or anything its members do. but other groups of people are not thought of as oppressed minorities, but as oppressors/exploiters. whenever someone mentions how a group of people in important positions of power such as the senate or supreme court is not “diverse” enough, that is part of this problem. another part of the problem is that since liberals reject both extremes of free market capitalism and marxist-leninist communism, liberal economics is a difficult balancing act, trying to correct injustice and help the needy without too much of a dent in economic growth. while most conservatives identify some things as good and others as bad and simply stick to that model, often liberals are in a delicate balancing act, viewing many things from a neutral point of view, as neither good nor bad. that is not always the case, of course; sometimes we liberals can be quite manichean about good and evil, just like the conservatives. we just do it less often. but conservatives try to do what benefits the elites, while liberals try to do what benefits the oppresssed and downtrodden. while conservatives try to claim their ideas have a rational, well-thought-out basis, in reality the basis for their ideas is often a rationalization that they came up with after they already made up their minds. liberals, on the other hand, believe in ideas that have proven to be correct, or seem like they are probably correct; for example, we liberals embrace the idea of global warming because the scientific community embraced this idea first and has united behind it, and scientists are obviously the biggest experts on science. many conservatives believe that certain individuals can be experts on pretty much everything, and they idolize people such as rush limbaugh. usually liberals view their own leading spokespeople as people who are usually but not always correct, and who are still flawed individuals. liberals believe in human fallibility, and do not wholeheartedly embrace whatever some other liberal says is true, just because that person said it. well some liberals are dumb enough to do that, actually. but that just shows how big the tent of liberalism is! because liberalism includes such a wide portion of the population, it actually includes a great deal of stupid people too. conservatism does a better job at appealing to stupid people, however, because the entire conservative movement is managed from the top down as a unified propaganda operation, with one vision, one purpose. although there are some dissenting views among conservative people, conservative voices in the media are monolithic and all voice the same views, because they view it as a propaganda war against liberals and all consult together to develop the same talking points. although some conservatives are actually atheists, for instance, the conservative atheist point of view is never advocated in the media, because conservatives want complete control over what message they are putting out, and do not want anything put out that would undermine the unity of their message. and so the only atheists whose views are ever seen by the public are liberal atheists, because liberalism is based on trying to attract as many different types of people as possible. there are also liberal muslims, and in fact muslims in the united states would be idiotic not to support liberalism and the democratic party, since republicans and the conservative movement have all but declared war on islam and called for its destruction. of course, a person might be a liberal and a muslim at the same time, but no true liberal would ever be a muslim, and no true muslim would ever be a liberal. it is just a marriage of convenience, one of many in the realm of american politics. for example, it is rarely if ever noted that the satanist movement upholds conservative values and has long supported conservative and republican candidates. the communist party of the united states has been offering support for the democrats since the 2004 election cycle too, which is all the more interesting if you point out that this particular communist party is stalinist in ideology, whereas the trotskyist movement in the united states is adamantly opposed to both democrats and republicans. trotskyist ideology rejects marriages of convenience, and calls for its followers to maintain ideological purity by not associating with those with whom they disagree. on the other hand, stalinists believe in broadening their base of support by any means necessary, and they firmly believe in the idea that the end justifies the means. so a stalinist political party in a parliamentary country is much more likely to join a coalition government than a trotskyist political party. and as for why the satanists support republicans? satanists wholeheartedly embrace the ideas of social darwinism and survival of the fittest, and they think unregulated free-market capitalism is the best way to do this. the modern satanist movement was started by anton lavey, author of the satanic bible. satanists believe in radical individualism and selfishness. their views are quite similar to those of ayn rand and the objectivist movement, who also provide some intellectual backing for conservatism. satanists have to keep their public displays of support to a minimum for fear of undermining the conservative movement they support, of course. and they hate christianity, but oh well... they enjoy having a marriage of convenience with the republican party, just as the stalinists offer their support to the democrats. and what about nambla, the north american man boy love association? well, oddly enough, nambla is a very liberal organization in its ideology, and i daresay it takes liberalism a bit too far. everything in moderation! and what about the creator of the “girls gone wild” pornographic videos? republican. republicans actually get a surprising amount of support from the pornography industry, probably because the pornographers have a dislike of feminism. pornographers also dislike religious fundamentalism of course, but a lot of them see the christian threat as more contained than the feminist threat. also, perhaps the pornographers give the money to republican candidates as a form of political blackmail; the pornographers will keep silent about their support unless those candidates come out in favor of censorship, and then they will accuse the politicians of being hypocrites for taking donations from them. of course, in the last few years since dubya took office, more and more pornographers have been switching parties to support democrats instead. but there are some who support republicans just because of 9/11. mainly the support of pornographers for republicans has probably always been about an insurance policy against the intervention of the religious right, and also perhaps an embrace of the idea of smaller government that is less activist than one run by liberals. liberals, of course, believe in social progress, and believe that humanity progressively improves its ideas over time, coming up with better new ideas and discarding worse old ideas. that is why liberal judges tend to re-interpret old texts like the constitution and bill of rights. they correctly view those documents as being written by hypocritical people who owned slaves, who considered women as the property of men, who only allowed white landowning males above age 18 the right to vote. so, any traditional interpretations that say that certain freedoms do not really apply to certain groups of people ought to be reconsidered, and that is the basis for the outcome in the roe v. wade decision. now, as a liberal, i am open-minded enough to see that the roe v. wade decision was wrong, and the case was incorrectly decided, but has not been reversed because of political considerations, for all of these years. i do not view the liberal pundits on my side as infallible or anything like that. and i know that some conservatives are kinda like me, in that they do not swallow all of the poison kool-aid of the republican party propaganda machine. but their ideology is based on the principle of the preservation of the status quo. we liberals may have invented political correctness, but we can also throw it away as a flawed idea that turned out not to work. it is not a sacred cow for us, because we have no sacred cows in liberal-land, other than not insulting groups of people for things that are not their fault, and not calling for violence without justifying it. why else would cindy sheehan hate hillary clinton’s guts? rosie o’donnell and donald trump hate each other, and they both hate president bush too. liberalism is a big tent, when it comes to hating individuals! just not groups of people. for that, turn to conservatism. and what about other fringe religious groups besides satanists and the religious right? well the raelians are a cult started by a french guy who claims to have met some space aliens, they claim to have cloned several human beings, and they support democrats. the unification church, or “moonies”, worship rev. sun myung moon as the messiah, and they support republicans. the church of scientology, like the church of the subgenius, is neutral and nonpartisan. and most pagans and wiccans support the democrats, of course. as for the jews? the jewish people still support democrats over republicans, oddly enough, even though muslims have the same preference for democrats. at least the jews and muslims can agree on something! they can both agree that they hate president bush. that is the liberal bias of the human race as a whole. most people in the world are quite poor by united states standards. while conservatives claim that their economics bring the best pareto efficient outcomes for everyone, conservatives often refuse to correct for negative externalities and other forms of market failure. only liberals are willing to do what is necessary to save capitalism from its own worst excesses, in order to keep the whole system working. conservatives simply believe that the problems will solve themselves if nobody intervenes in the marketplace, and then ignore whatever happens in reality. it is odd that they have a completely different view when it comes to foreign policy compared to economics, and do not believe that problems magically solve themselves in foreign policy. no, instead, conservatives base their ideas of foreign policy on the premise that one ought to get some allies and then defeat the enemies. everyone is either with us or against us, an ally or an enemy. nobody can ever be neutral, to a conservative. so conservatives do not believe that problems magically solve themselves in foreign policy; they believe that the only way to solve foreign policy problems is use of military force as the first resort. war is always preferable to peace. liberals, on the other hand, detest war and would like to get rid of it altogether if possible. we liberals honestly sometimes hope all the people of the world could put aside their differences and just get along, or at least we could sit down with a former enemy and talk with them and put aside our differences with just 1 enemy nation, at the very least. liberals believe the best way to save lives is not to kill people in the first place. conservatives believe that sometimes you have to kill people to save the lives of other people, and that sometimes is acually very often. so oddly enough, conservatives have no moral absolutes, because the most evil thing of all, the killing of another human being, is something they are okay with, under the right circumstances. conservatives base their morality on pretending to believe in moral absolutes, without actually believing in any moral absolutes at all. for them, every rule has an exception. as for liberals, who knows? we are so diverse. nobody tells us what we have to believe in order to be liberal. we do not take orders from anyone. we act on our own accord, not under direction from above. we are not dittoheads. and neither are most people. so in any system where the majority of people rule, liberals win, unless the process is rigged and wealthy people spend lots of money on propaganda to brainwash people into voting against their own best interests. yes, propaganda... you can’t live with it;

Saturday, May 5, 2007

hello lunatics... meet my dog

hi there, crazy people. you are not god. the cia is not bugging your phones. you have not been abducted by any aliens. you are not the reincarnation of anyone famous. you cannot do magic or perform miracles. you do not have psychic powers. there is not a gigantic conspiracy against you, since nobody has ever heard of you. you are not the messiah or the antichrist. you cannot turn yourself invisible, or fly, or walk through walls. you are not immortal. you do not know the future in advance. you cannot talk to the dead or summon demons. you have not been cloned. nobody has implanted any microchips in your brain. you are not a prophet. you have schizophrenia, a form of psychosis. please, stop being so crazy, and get yourself committed to a state mental hospital and put on high doses of meds.

in other news, check out a picture of my cute doggie:

he is probably smarter than most humans, or at least most schizophrenic humans. he does seem to be codependent, but that is just a personality disorder. he does have some abandonment issues and has a tendency to vocalize them when he is alone and locked in his cage, for instance. he just loves attention and people and interaction, and is extremely hyper. but since he is codependent, theoretically he is addicted to people-pleasing. his behavior is improving each day and he is learning to act more normal. yesterday i set him loose outside and then chased him for 45 minutes until he finally came when called. then i rewarded him and praised him and gave him a treat. what a wonderful dog! you people should take a lesson from him. he is a west highland terrier. my previous dog was a female tibetan terrier. this new dog is a little harder to deal with than the last one, even though he is only 12 pounds. he is 1 year old but acts like a puppy. right now he is resting, which is a relief for everyone, because when he is hyper, you had better watch out. it is nice to have a scottish dog instead of a tibetan one. my dog supports the scottish national party, which now has a majority in the scottish parliament. and he is not buddhist like my previous dog, who practiced tibetan buddhism. anyway, he is just a silly fur-covered beast, but he is my responsibility, and i will keep him safe and happy. and no, he is not an annoying spoiled yippy dog. i would never allow that type of behavior. he is very friendly and loves to meet new people. he will lick you all over, jump up on you, wag his tail, and show a great deal of affection, even if he has never met you before. he is a good doggie.