bushit

from abcnews... president bush has been shat upon. that’s right, bush got shit on him, or bushit for short. it was not his own shit, but rather the shit of a bird, the noble sparrow. after hearing bush say he had full confidence in attorney general alberto gonzales, the sparrow was annoyed at president bush and shat upon bush’s sleeve. bush tried several times to wipe the shit off but he only spread the shit around and got himself totally covered in bird shit. press secretary tony snow tried to play it off, saying that it was a sign of good luck, but this only proved that tony snow is not a true christian since he believes in superstitions that have no biblical basis. all in all, thursday would not have been a good day for the bush administration, except for the fact that the democrats in congress caved in and passed a war funding bill in both the house and the senate, meeting all of bush’s demands for the war to be pretty much unregulated, with no timetable for withdrawal, and just a few benchmarks that are all optional, and reporting requirements that are also... yeah... you guessed it... optional. in other words, bush got exactly the war funding bill he wanted. many democrats did vote no, including most if not all of the democratic presidential candidates who are in congress. even nancy pelosi voted no, despite the fact that she let the bill come to the floor of the house. heh... i guess she doesn’t run things the way the republicans did. if the republican leadership didn’t like something, it had no chance of ever coming up for a vote. that was how dennis hastert managed things as speaker of the house after the collapse of newt gingrich’s political career threw the house of representatives into disarray. but that was years ago. and it was only yesterday that a bird finally got sick and tired of republican bullshit and especially president bush’s bullshit, and took a birdshit on the bush baby who spouts bushit. but i guess now we finally know for sure that nancy pelosi is not, in fact, a communist. a true communist would have operated in a dennis hastert-like fashion and prevented anything he or she opposed from being passed into law, by any means necessary. so all the conservatives who have been calling her a communist need to write letters of apology to her, or at least send emails of apology to her email account. and hillary clinton is better behaved than ever, at least regarding the war in iraq. she may yet prove herself useful to us. barack obama also voted against funding the war this time around. and of course dennis kucinich did so. and senator chris dodd of connecticut was the one who threw down the gauntlet to hillary and obama, on youtube, by saying he would oppose the war funding bill. russ feingold, our beloved anti-candidate, also opposed it quite strongly. and john edwards proclaimed his opposition, prior to hillary or obama. so who else is there? joe biden, bill richardson, maybe al gore, maybe wesley clark, plus that guy from alaska, whatever his name is. the guy from alaska is practically as antiwar as dennis kucinich, so i am sure he would oppose this war funding bill. i know joe biden, chairman of the foreign relations committee and presidential candidate, had to vote on this, and iraq is something he thinks a lot about, so i am going to look up how he voted on this. i am just guessing, but i think he probably ended up voting in favor of continuing to fund the war. he is, after all, webmaster of planforiraq.com. how could we implement a super-awesome plan if our troops all had to leave? no, but seriously, joe biden is one of those people who thinks we have too much at stake in iraq to just leave. i am one of those people who thinks we should just leave and if the iraqis have a problem with it, we can just give lots of money to their government, rather than spending it on our military occupation. hopefully their government would spend the money more wisely than we do, and actually pay iraqis to rebuild their own country, rather than bringing in foreigners from wealthy countries to do all the work for much higher wages, and hiring mercenaries as protection for the foreign workers. all the money we currently spend on the war in iraq should go straight to the iraqi government, into its treasury. then the iraqis will all be wealthy! every man a king! that last sentence is an old political slogan that still rings hollow today, much like the rhetoric of a small-minded taunting bully who finally had someone take a shit on him. unfortunately, it was only a bird that took a shit on the bully. next time, something bigger. maybe a bald eagle. that would be very patriotic. and it could be draped in an american flag, whilst flying. if a bald eagle draped in a flag took a giant shit right on the face of the president of the united states, and some of it landed straight in his mouth... well that would be the most perfect, the most symbolic, the most ideal way to capture the true essence of the bush presidency and the republican party as it currently operates or at least how it did when house majority leader tom delay had the k street project, congressman randy “duke” cunningham was taking in millions of dollars in bribes from defense contractors, enron ceo kenneth lay was a close personal friend of president george w. bush, and congressman mark foley was fucking young boys in his office on capitol hill. of course, all of those men are now either in jail or hell, or awaiting one or both of those outcomes. usually they go to jail before going to hell, but that is not always the case. tom delay, for instance, is trying to postpone going to jail to be after he has burned in hell for all eternity. duke cunningham, on the other hand, is in jail now and is hoping that he can atone for his sins and avoid going to hell. kenneth lay was going to go to jail but he made a deal with the devil and he went straight to hell at just the right moment to have his name cleared legally, and his conviction removed from the records of the u.s. government. but jerry falwell died recently, so i ought to honor his memory by mentioning someone who did manage to get into heaven. alan turing, inventor of the turing machine, is in heaven right now. i bet you did not know that true fact. look it up. i dare you. did you know that alan turing did not commit suicide as the official records say, but was actually murdered and the murderer tried to frame the victim and make it look like a suicide? and although alan turing was gay, god still lets those people into heaven? both are very interesting facts to ponder. someday you may meet alan turing in heaven. he will be right next to an invisible pink unicorn, a flying spaghetti monster, j.r. “bob” dobbs, and eris discorida, who are all in heaven with him. but famous inventor thomas alva edison? he is actually in hell. oddly enough, edison’s rival nikola tesla managed to convince god that thomas edison was evil. plus, all of edison’s inventions were made because edison sold his soul to the devil in exchange for having satan invent things and put the ideas into edison’s head. all of the inventions of thomas edison, such as the incandescent light bulb, later turned out to serve the purposes of evil. incandescent light bulbs, for instance, are highly wasteful of energy and cause global warming. satan works in mysterious ways. nikola tesla, on the other hand, came up with a revolutionary new energy source that would solve all of our energy needs forever. but before he could explain all the details of this theory and draw the schematics for all of the devices that use his new energy source, the devil cursed nikola tesla with a dreadful insanity, causing the theory and tesla’s new inventions to all be ruined, mere mockeries of what they would have been if it were not for the devil’s interference. this conspiracy theory and more appear in my new book, which is out of print because of a conspiracy to make my new book out of print. there will be an upcoming book about why this other book is out of print and the conspiracy behind it, but unfortunately, the conspiracy has gotten to that book too, and likewise made it out of print. publishers refuse to publish my fictional books, because they claim that my books do not even exist. well of course they do not exist! nobody has agreed to publish them yet! yet another example of this satanic conspiracy for world domination by any means necessary. luckily, i am not actually a paranoid schizophrenic, only someone doing a parody of them. for real paranoid schizophrenics, visit timecube.com, alexchiu.com, davidicke.com, rense.com, or disclosureproject.org. that is my standard list of paranoid schizophrenic websites. there are many others out there, i am sure. subgenius.com is just a silly parody, but it has grown into a cult of parody. most other cults, like raelians and scientologists, were founded by actual paranoid schizophrenics, not just people parodying the insane. but all of them are full of bullshit. or in the cult of bush babies known as the bush administration, they are full of bushit. and president bush is like your typical cult leader, except he is actually more sane than most of them, ironically. but despite his sanity, he is still quite dumb, and he even freely admits to it and jokes about it in his speeches, especially commencement addresses he delivers to graduating students. and it is through the combination of stupidity and character flaws that this man has turned everything he has touched into a disaster, despite being sane, of sound health, and usually having good intentions. because he is too loyal to his friends and those close to him, he is too willing to put up with incompetence, and too reluctant to fire someone who is not doing their job right. that is why someone needs to fire him and replace him with someone who is better at firing people who are incompetent. why not make donald trump president for a day? the donald can fire everyone who is incompetent, and bush can come back the next day and have to get his appointees through the senate confirmation process, with democrats in control. this would lead to more qualified people in charge of things, and less political hacks like alberto gonzales. i wonder how many people donald trump could fire in one day. i bet he would have a lot of fun doing it, and the whole thing could be live on television. the only problem is convincing president bush to let donald trump be president for a day and go around firing everyone. that might require, say, giving the president a candy bar, or something. then he would go along with it. i think dick cheney has a secret stockpile of candy bars that he has been giving the president for years. we must put an end to this blatant candy smuggling going on in our nation’s highest halls of power! bush is such a simpleton, he agrees with whoever is giving him candy. michael moore needs to visit the white house with an 18-wheel truck full of snickers bars. that alone would solve all the problems in the world.

but enough bullshit. do you want to know the real truth? everyone either repeats what they hear or read others saying or writing, or is creative and says or writes new material. sometimes the new material is entirely true and based on objective observation of reality, but more often it is either based on a subjective, biased, irrational observation of reality, or is a completely made up fantasy, joke, or story of fiction. the pernicious part is when people confuse truth with lies, fact with fiction. this happens all the time, because people learn information from others, and when people are saying things or writing things, they are rarely completely honest. even if they are as honest as they can possibly be, they are still biased, and most of the things they know they learned from somebody else, and not through firsthand objective observation of reality. there are many “memes” (or ideas/stories/etc.) which spread like viruses through the popular consciousness, as one person tells it to another, or writes it, or posts it online. most of these memes are either partially or completely made up. objective truth is there to be found, however. you can observe directly through your own 5 senses, unless you are psychotic or on drugs that give you hallucinations. the scientific method allows scientists to find a great deal more objective truth than one person alone could find, and to test and re-test their findings, and pass them on to future generations. the third method of finding objective truth is through using logical proof to prove things from what you already know to be objective truth. finally, the fourth way of finding objective truth is communication between people, where the people are actually serious and rational and are telling the truth, and both of them are skeptical enough not to accept any information that is unworthy of being given the title of truth. of course different people have different opinions. opinions are what people think about things they do not actually objectively know the truth about. they are just hunches, educated guesses, and can easily turn out to be wrong. nobody can have 100% correct opinions. but if you are able to tell your opinions from your factual beliefs, from the objective truths that you know to be true, that is quite a feat. and a lot of things in a person’s mind are neither fact nor opinion, but in the gray area in between. if you are 99.9% sure of something, or 99% sure, or 98% sure, 95% sure, 90% sure, 80% sure, or even just 70% sure, it is often something that you are either unsure of whether to classify it as fact or opinion, or you just decide which it is based on instinct, based on emotion, not based on logic or reason. most things we believe are not facts, but opinions. but we tend to classify many opinions as facts. i do not believe in many facts. i believe firstly in tautologies, secondly in the fact that logic always produces correct results if the assumptions it is based on are correct, thirdly in the validity of sensory input, and fourthly that science provides the closest approximation to the truth outside of one’s own mental faculties, which have quite a limited scope. fifth, i believe in the fact that the news media usually manages to be correct about a majority of things they report on in a factual manner. there is also an opinion sector in the news media, and some news outlets like the wall street journal have a strict segregation of opinion sections from fact sections. some publications are biased through and through, and some television news programs are likewise biased completely. but often, even those people whose viewpoints on many things are further from the truth than almost everyone, even those people can provide great insights into the truth, scattered amongst the bullshit incorrect ramblings that are completely misleading. this is the reason so many people are misled; there are many people whose beliefs are a mixture of truth and fiction, or who have many opinions contrary to reality, but those people also have great insights into certain aspects of reality despite being completely wrong on other aspects. if one person chooses to follow another person and believe what the other person believes, often there is a problem because the second person believes many things which are not true. and the followers are usually even further from the truth than their leaders, because the leaders often think of some things as fact and others as opinion, but to the followers, all that the leaders say is true. this is why nobody should ever be a follower of anyone or anything; it is a path of lies and deceit. people may voluntarily associate with or support each other or prefer one person as a political leader to another person, but they should not accept any person as having a monopoly on the truth. no human being is above being questioned as to the veracity of their statements. to be a fact and not an opinion, something must be proven, and not just imagined by someone creative. i have a lot of creative imaginings, but i hope nobody is persuaded when i play devil’s advocate in my practice ramblings. they are practice ramblings and not real ramblings because i am practicing to develop a higher level of rambling. i am practicing to become the type of wise leader people follow and believe whatever that person believes. but first i must perfect my rambling technique, and develop an ability to answer all questions. then, once i know how to be a misleader, i can become an anti-misleader, and teach people to find their own truth and not believe whatever someone like me says. but my communication skills have not yet reached that level. i probably have the emotional and social development of someone about 5-7 years younger, according to a psychiatrist who evaluated me. but he said i will continue to develop my skills, and there is no reason i cannot become a fully functional adult with normal skill levels once i have enough experience. of course, it all depends on whether i choose to put my energy into developing my skills further, or if i choose to do other things instead. who knows what will happen? obviously, nobody knows. only things proven by science or logic are guaranteed to occur. all else is speculation and mere opinion. and as for president bush, like i said, the man is stupid, i suspect, and i also suspect that he overvalues loyalty and has too much of an aversion to firing people who are incompetent or misbehave. the sparrow that shat upon him did a symbolic act and i salute that sparrow’s courage and patriotism. just say no to bushit, and just say no to endless war against the muslims. we must find leaders among the muslims who seek peace with us, and make peace with those leaders, and then isolate those who want to fight us, and make that a very unpopular view in the middle east. but that will take time, because we are quite hated right now. and all this bushit only makes it worse, because bush is an american and bush represents america and seems to be our leader, despite how he is loathed by most of us. our whole society becomes stereotyped as being stupid and fat and greedy and out of touch with reality and hell-bent on world domination and hedonistic and arrogant and unsympathetic to those in need. we must not make other people into our enemies, and those people who view us negatively must be taught the truth about our advanced ways, as we let them tell the truth about how advanced their ways are. at the root of it, our enemies are basically jealous of us and all that we have, and think we are undeserving, and they have nothing to lose, so they have decided to use force to deprive us of what we have but do not deserve. we must convince them that there is a better path towards dealing with us than using violence against us. of course, this is all just opinion now, not fact. so perhaps it is bushit too.