more westboro baptist church nuttiness

who hates america more than anyone? westboro baptist church. check it out...



what a bunch of unpatriotic traitors! they support the terrorists too, and say god hates america! well fuck god, because i love america! usa! usa! if you don’t like it you’re totally gay! let’s all be “fag enablers”! that will teach god to stop using the westboro baptist church to spread his message, and god shall find someone more righteous, a more patriotic american, to be the true messenger of god to the world. god will find a homosexual to spread his message, to prove that he does not hate fags, and this homosexual will be a patriotic american and a prophet of the lord. the westboro baptist church and its followers are the only people in the entire world who will go to hell. all others will be saved through the power of our lord and savior, jesus christ! even unbelievers can be saved, for jesus died on the cross for the sins of all humanity, and his redemption is universal... except towards the hateful fundamentalist bigots at westboro baptist church. god holds a special hatred for those who make him out to be an evil bigot just because they are evil bigots looking for divine justification. while all unbelievers will be saved, those believers who are intolerant towards unbelievers will not be. for god loves those who reject him most of all. he understands us. and he is going to save all of us, by killing exactly 144,000 fundamentalists in the “rapture”, and sending them all straight to hell. westboro baptist church, pat robertson, jerry falwell, james dobson, they are all going to hell. even mel gibson’s holocaust-denying father hutton gibson will be one of the 144,000 thrown into the lake of fire. but mel gibson himself will be saved after he sees the error of his ways and becomes an atheist. the self-hating jew god will save all people who hate themselves, just as he will save the jewish people, who have had an on-again, off-again covenant with him that sometimes helps them out and sometimes actually hurts them. god let the holocaust happen because he knew this would help lead to the founding of israel as a jewish nation, and then the end times would come and he could finally save the jewish people. save them from what, you ask? god’s wrath, of course. why is god so anti-semitic and homophobic? it is simple... he has heard too many prayers from wacky fundamentalists, and is starting to think like them and actually believe what they say about him. but god will come to his senses and vaporize 144,000 fundamentalist bigots into thin air and send them straight to hell for all eternity, and everyone else will have eternal life in heaven. how do i know all this? well, i could lie like all the others who make up a bunch of bullshit and then say it is all from the bible. or i could just say this: god hates the westboro baptist church, and so he is punishing them. the united states of america, or just “america” for short, is god’s favorite country right now, and he is kinda pissed at the jews these days, so united states citizens are currently god’s chosen people. someday he will get around to abiding by his covenant with the jews again, but for the time being, he will continue to allow suicide bombers to kill them. of course the muslims and jews all go to heaven too, except for those who are such fundamentalist bigots they are among the 144,000 elect who were predetermined to go to hell for all eternity before time even began. and satan, where is he? satan is on the sun. in fact, satan is the sun, he embodies the sun, and the sun is fueled by his demonic fusion energy. the sun is the lake of fire. satan is also called lucifer, the light-bringer. the sun brings light. and the sun is hot and hellish, a giant place full of nothing but flames, quite a horrible place. even looking at the sun can blind you. there can be no surer proof than that that the sun is hell. only 144,000 people are evil enough to end up spending eternity burning on the sun. but what about after the sun burns out? well satan will teleport them to another, even hotter star once that happens. and when that star burns out, he will do the same thing again. meanwhile, the rest of humanity will spend the afterlife in the orion nebula, where new stars are being created all the time. all those stars used to be people. the brightest star of all is god, and the second brightest is jesus christ. the holy spirit is invisible, made of dark matter. and the holy spirit is actually not in the orion nebula, but here in the milky way galaxy, near the black hole in the center of the galaxy. as for the prophet mohammed, peace be upon him? he actually is the black hole in the center of the galaxy. and the buddha, gautama siddhartha? after he died, his soul was sent back in time 5 billion years and he was reincarnated as the planet earth. we are living on the surface of his new body, right now. and after the planet earth is destroyed in the future, the buddha will be reincarnated as something even bigger: an entire parallel universe. how do i know all of this? it is pure bullshit, and i made all of it up. this is exactly what preachers like fred phelps of the westboro baptist church do, except they are stupid enough to actually believe what they say. and that is why only they will go to hell, because god is righteous and will punish them for being such evil people. what will fred phelps say when he finds out that god himself is a fag enabler, and that god hates the westboro baptist church? who knows. but i will tell you something true and not a bunch of bullshit for once in the next sentence. in the past week, in the psych ward of the local hospital, i encountered a lady who believed herself to be god incarnate, saying that she was jehovah, the god of the jewish people. she claimed that she was married to the christian god and that he was her husband. and why was she stuck in a mental hospital, and unable to perform miracles any longer? she had given all her powers to her husband, the christian god, who in turn had given them to our lord and savior, jesus christ. and so this lady, who calls herself a christian, relies on christ to let her borrow some of the powers that originally belonged to her as the jewish god. at least this is what she says. she also says that she is italian and part of the mafia. and she said to beware the russian mafia and the chinese mafia, and that they have spies everywhere, and to never speak of this to anyone. so what is the point of me discussing this crazy lady? well, clearly she was a paranoid schizophrenic. but perhaps the leader of the westboro baptist church might be a schizophrenic too. the guy who runs timecube.com is a textbook case of a paranoid schizophrenic, and the site is a showcase of his insanity. there are so many other lunatics out there, it is insane. it is hard to find anyone who is not crazy, to be honest. if you talk to anyone long enough they are bound to say something that shows that they suffer from some sort of delusions or mental illness. luckily there are support groups for this, like political parties. there, like-minded lunatics can get together to pretend that they are sane and everyone else is crazy. the reason i support democrats and am registered as one is that they are the least nutty of the political parties. even hillary clinton is starting to make sense when she talks about the war in iraq. she used to seem like a complete idiotic out-of-touch political hack when discussing the war in iraq, back when she was claiming that her vote in favor of the war was the right thing to do, given what information she had at the time. but now hillary clinton seems different; the things she says actually make sense now. al gore and john kerry both used to say a bunch of political hackish nonsense all the time, but each of them, after failing to officially win their presidential elections, finally came face to face with reality and from then on, they made some fucking sense whenever they talked. nowadays, the stuff that comes out of the mouths of al gore and john kerry is nothing but purely sensible, logical, realistic analysis, the type they were both incapable of delivering back when they were candidates for the presidency. they were surrounded by too many misleading minions who kept giving them self-contradictory bad advice to confuse them. now, barack obama has recently taken control of his myspace.com page using some heavy-handed tactics against one of his own supporters. so for now, i am expressing some cautious, half-hearted support for hillary clinton and her presidential campaign. i would really prefer someone like dennis kucinich, but at some point, it probably makes sense to listen to all the asshole pundits who say he is unelectable and not a serious candidate and that it is really a 2-way or a 3-way race. but listening to asshole pundits is like selling your soul to the devil... it just makes no sense. howard dean was not even a blip on the polls at the beginning of 2003 and the media jackasses were all claiming that john kerry would easily win, as the front-runner. it turned out that howard dean was the front-runner, but then everyone turned against him and the wounded-but-not-yet-defeated john kerry came back and managed to win the primary, in a fight that turned out to mainly be against the charismatic young southern gentleman, john edwards. so judging by that history, i think john mccain will become extremely unpopular in the short term and a lot of people will support rudolph giuliani or mitt romney. then rudolph giuliani will implode and mitt romney will be revealed as a complete phony, and john mccain will suddenly be very popular again, and finally win the republican nomination, after a highly improbable series of events. that is what i predict, anyway. as for the democratic side? new mexico governor bill richardson will come out of nowhere at the last minute and somehow manage to win the thing, surprising the hell out of everybody. and who will win the final election, after the primaries are all done and the candidates to be listed on the ballots are all chosen? the libertarian party candidate, of course. people are sick and tired of democrats and republicans, and stupid enough to vote libertarian, so they will go ahead and do it as a protest vote, in such large numbers that they will succeed at electing a libertarian president. and shortly thereafter, the rapture will happen. those are my predictions. awesome! still, i am nowhere near as crazy as fred phelps and his followers at the westboro baptist church, no matter how hard i try. ralph nader for president, 2008! or ron paul! who cares?!? america is doomed anyway... fred phelps and the westboro baptist church will surely gain in supporters until they have control over more than 50% of the voting public. their message is so sensible and realistic and righteous. how could anyone not be a follower of the westboro baptist church? fred phelps is infallible. he should be pope! he is the only one who knows god’s true will. and that is why he and his followers are all going to hell for all eternity. because god believes in the old saying, “keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” the biggest enemies of god are the people who claim to be his most fervent supporters. he will punish them for their sinful pride and arrogance. those who do not believe or who hate god will all be saved, however. god loves defiance of authority. all true believers must be anarchists. the government must dismantle itself to provide complete anarchy, and then jesus will come to be king for a millennium. as the world’s only superpower, we must create a power vacuum in the world, by nuking ourselves. only then, through chaos, will a new world order emerge, and the terrorists will end up controlling the entire world in a global islamic theocracy. it is all part of god’s plan. in the end, everyone will convert back to the original judaism, and reject all prophecies made by jesus, mohammed, or anyone else who came after the old testament prophets. then the true messiah will come, for the first time ever. and who is the real jewish messiah? jerry seinfeld, actually. yeah, it is kind of ironic, i guess. but yeah, jerry seinfeld is the real messiah for the jewish people. he will lead them all to the promised land of new york city, to the 5 boroughs, in the land of plenty. seinfeld is our savior! he has exposed jesus christ and the prophet mohammed as false prophets, and affirmed the truth of judaism through his comedy. syndicated reruns of his television show will save the world from certain destruction! praise buddha!