me have dog now = yes verymuch

hello boys and girls. today’s post is the first after my week-long vacation at the hospital for silly people who need to get their brains fixed. woo hoo! yes i went there because i was afraid that i might be suicidal. i was not actually suicidal. i was afraid that i might be suicidal (to repeat myself a bit). the emphasis goes on the subordinate clause, or something like that. anyway, i was not suicidal at all. you see, i have panic attacks, and am somewhat of a hypochondriac. my will to live is actually very very strong. that is why i try to wholeheartedly combat anything which i perceive as a threat to my well-being, during my anxiety attacks, using the tried-and-true method of the fight or flight response, an ancient technique developed by animals with much more primitive brains that is still used in the human brain today. yes, so the whole thing was actually a misunderstanding, sort of. i was a little on the depressed, lazy, anxious side, yes. but it is kind of hard to sort out what your intentions are when you don’t know what your intentions are. anyway, i paid off all my student loans right before i went to voluntarily have myself locked up and monitored by a bunch of nurses, psychiatrists, social workers, and other staff. this type of thing actually costs a lot of money, but luckily i have insurance. actually luck has nothing to do with it. it costs fricken money, every month, and it expires at the end of next month (june). so anyways now i am a lot less pessimistic, more social, and in many ways more advanced as a person. but i gained weight cuz there was too much food and too little exercise there. ok so i leave the place and guess what? i have a dog! no seriously, this dog is for real. so i have to take care of this dog now, right? but my parents are going to help too. so it’s alright. anyway, this is my first day back in the real world, and i am so excited to have my freedom back, after being locked up for a week because i managed to convince some people that i was a danger to myself and/or others (in my case, a danger to myself, not others, was the angle i was pushing when i talked them into committing me). i guess my main problem was i was just sick and fed up of having things keep going the way they were going. that is what my big panic attack on tuesday was really all about, about fighting against inertia and the status quo and my regression into a child-like state of dependency on other people, irresponsibility, and a complete lack of seriousness almost all the time. so now i am sort of, kinda, back to normal. but nothing will ever be normal again, because everything i ever knew before i went into that place turned out to be wrong. well maybe that is a complete over-exaggeration. but for one thing, now i understand the real relationship between men and women in society. women get abused and controlled by men. but more importantly, that relationship of male dominance exists in some cultures of the world and some generations a lot more than others. it turns out that baby boomers, including all the original hippies, were actually quite a sexist generation with a lot of male dominance, back in the days before they all got married. and a lot of them married the wrong people and got their whole lives screwed up. a lot of them screwed up their lives by doing too many drugs and going totally wack. i think i realize the problem of hippies: they all had this uninformed optimism, an unrealistic sense that everyone could just get along, and a strange tendency to pretend that a lot of real problems don’t actually exist or are just very minor problems. a hippie is the polar opposite of a cynic. and as a cynic, i finally realize the stupidity of hippies. their optimism might make them happy in the short run, but they could never make good decisions, because their rosy predictions never came true. it is the same stupid optimism often found when people are talking about scientific advances, where they completely exaggerate how different things will be in the future, or how advanced something will get to be by a certain point in time. if you look at what kurt goedel did with his incompleteness theorem back in the 1930s, for instance, he singlehandledly destroyed the unrealistic and stupid idealistic optimism of mathematicians who thought they could explain all of mathematics through logical proofs based on a finite set of axioms. quantum physicists destroyed the crazy optimism of people like albert einstein who believed in determinism. and then in the past few decades, there has been all this wacky optimism about finding a grand unified field theory, especially concerning superstring theory, which is completely unscientific since it is impossible to prove or disprove, or even make any sense of. in the field of artificial intelligence, there is a lot of misinformation and stupid optimism, and it has been like that ever since the field began. robots, computers, and other machines are incredibly stupid. that is just a fact. artificial intelligence is still incredibly primitive, after about 50 years of developments and progress in this field. but the developments and progress are a lot slower than most people predicted. much much much slower. so in a way, a lot of people are hippies, even if they aren’t hippies. that is why we are fighting a war in iraq: misinformed people who have irrational optimism and predict good results when there is no basis for predicting such an outcome. of course, realism is much better than optimism or pessimism. so i am going to be a realist and not a pessimist like before. pessimism is quite stupid, just like optimism. pessimism does achieve the important goal of almost always predicting worse outcomes than what actually happens, which means a lot of pleasant surprises. that is what makes it great. but the negativity of pessimistic thoughts is awful. anyway, i am going to be a realist from now on, if i can. and i need to take care of my cute new doggie. he is the best! such a wonderful dog. but a bit too independent, a bit too dominating, too much ego. my dog thinks he is the alpha male and in charge of everyone else, even humans. i need to teach him that humans are boss. wish me good luck.