recall announcement

howdy, everyone! i haven’t posted here in awhile, and hey, what’s all this gross stuff growing on my blog? mold or bacteria or viruses or something? aak, i seem to be coming down with some sort of blog-related illness...

IMPORTANT ALL CAPS SAFETY RECALL ANNOUNCEMENT: THIS BLOG IS BEING TEMPORARILY RECALLED DUE TO SAFETY CONCERNS. THE MOST RECENT BLOG POST PRIOR TO THIS IS FAR PAST ITS EXPIRATION DATE, AND READING IT MAY BE HAZARDOUS TO ONE’S HEALTH. IF YOU HAVE PURCHASED A COPY OF THIS BLOG, PLEASE RETURN THIS PRODUCT TO THE MANUFACTURER AND YOU WILL RECEIVE A FULL REFUND AND 50% OFF ON THE NEXT BLOG POST POSTED HERE. OFFER NOT VALID IN ANY STATES. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED, WHICH INCLUDES EVERY LOCATION IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE. - THE MGT.

...what was that? anyway, umm, not much is going on, i’m kind of low on money right now, need some sort of job or some means of making money or something of that general nature, my puppy is still really awesome, oh, and, umm, apparently there’s some kind of safety recall affecting my blog and it appears to have made me sick. please don’t read any more of this, as the disease is highly contagious. anyway, i heard there was some sort of an election or something, and some party called the “republicans” or “democrats” or something like that may have won or lost or tied or something. not really sure about that. whatever happened, i’m sure it makes sense to somebody. i kinda forgot i had this blog thingie here. anyway folks, i don’t really have all that much to say, to be honest. maybe i’ll post some more stuff up here on this blog thing one of these days. still, blogs are soooooo 2006. so just remember, i need money, so send me all the money you have. and don’t pay any attention to that stupid safety warning you read earlier, that all caps nonsense. they post the same nonsense on cigarette packets but 21% of americans are still sensible enough to smoke cigarettes anyway despite the dire warnings on every packet. if you have read this far and ignored all the safety warnings and recall announcements, you are probably one of those people, and my hat would be off to you if i had a hat in the first place, but it seems i already had it off for somebody else and they are wearing it now. i’m just not so fond of the idea of blogging anymore with the internet being so devoid of anonymity and nobody having any privacy. so ok, just send me all your money or give me a job, and you are looking at this you probably already know my name, address, home phone number, cell phone number, email address, social security number, credit card number, blood type, physical body measurements, weight, my innermost thoughts that i am not posting here or anywhere else online, and of course the “permanent record” they kept on me in the public schools. so you will know exactly what bank routing number and account number to do a direct deposit into already. if you do not have access to all of this information, then i am afraid i cannot accept your offer to “phear” your “leet skillz”. good night and good luck, as keith olbermann would say, if he hadn’t been suspended from television and then un-suspended thanks to people like me who wrote angry emails to msnbc threatening to boycott their network unless he got put back on television. yes, it is all because of me. now give me a job, keith olbermann... i helped you get yours back. or at least donate some money to me, SIR. i joke, i joke. i wish i could have gone to that “rally to restore sanity and/or fear” hosted by jon stewart and stephen colbert, but unfortunately i am dirt poor, except without any money, and so paying for transportation and such is rather a ludicrous waste of money for one such as myself. and yes, i did vote for the democrats, or rather, for the working families party line. and almost everyone i voted for won, except for congressman michael arcuri, soon-to-be a former congressman. but he is a blue dog democrat, not a progressive, so it’s no big loss... he is no maurice hinchey. luckily we still have maurice hinchey representing the southern half of the county. anyway, it’s most unfortunate that the teabaggers now control the house of representatives, and they will ruin our nation if they are not stopped from enacting their radical, extreme agenda. luckily, democrats still control the u.s. senate and of course the presidency, although barack obama will probably cave into whatever the republicans want him to do from now on. politics in the last few years has gotten increasingly insane, with the right-wingers having nothing positive to run on, just a bunch of crazy conspiracy theories and opposition to everything positive being done by democrats to help our nation. so yeah, i am rather sick of it. and i know this isn’t the message jon stewart said in his rally to restore sanity and/or fear, but whatever. sometimes fear is the correct path, and dare i say the sane one. but right now i need to focus on the basics: making money, getting a job, finding a source of income, and obtaining access to a revenue stream. since jobs appear to be in very short supply, with only 1 job opening per 5 people who are seeking jobs, it is probably more likely that someone will give me lots of money for free than that i will actually be able to find a real job, so please, just give me free money, since you and i both know there just aren’t enough jobs out there for me to be able to find one, and i have been unemployed since june and am basically broke. since nobody ever reads this blog, obviously nobody will send me money, but it feels good to ask for it anyway. well not really. anyway, i can’t believe you read all this! didn’t you read the recall announcement, about how reading this article is hazardous for your health? don’t blame me when your eyeballs explode 10 seconds from now.

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seriously? you are suing me because you blame me for your eyeballs exploding? you have no case. the recall announcement clearly takes me off the hook legally. go sue someone else who actually has money instead, if you want to keep wasting your time on frivolous lawsuits. as the judge in this case, i hereby dismiss all charges against myself and convict you of contempt of court. there will be a fine you will have to pay me. hey, don’t just walk out of my courtroom, where do you think you’re going? guards! attack! hey, stop laughing at the fact that i only have one guard, who is a cute little 7 pound puppy! it’s not funny! now attack that big scary human, puppy, and i’ll give you this dog treat! good dog!