oh great

well, my personal life has not been going too great recently. i really want a pet dog but i have to wait a week, since my parents (whom i live with) won’t let me have one until after my next paycheck. laaaaaame! i want at least someone who can show me unconditional love and never criticise me about anything. i guess only dogs can do that, huh? i just don’t feel the love from anyone else, i feel like only a dog can treat me the way i want to be treated. i mean, i still need to have relationships with other people, of course, but there is just something missing there that i don’t get, that i can only get from a dog. i also want a girlfriend pretty bad too, but i kinda realize that since a girlfriend is a person, they are probably going to be subject to some of the same problems that afflict other humans. whereas, a dog just has dog problems, which are all simple and easy for me to fix. just need to give the dog food and water, and take it on walks, and play with it. those are pretty much the only 4 problems dogs ever have, most of the time. hunger, thirst, need to excrete, and loneliness. if only people were that simple! of course a girlfriend can probably take care of her own basic needs like hunger, thirst, and excretion, but might just need some help with loneliness. so maybe, if someone is an independent adult, it is less work to care for them, than caring for a dumb animal that can’t do anything for itself. i don’t really know, since i never had a girlfriend. but i have had a dog in the past, and there, i feel more of a sense of loss, more of a need for a replacement. when it comes to a girlfriend, i really don’t quite know what i am missing, and the whole thought about getting a girlfriend just kind of depresses me and makes me feel inferior, because i have such a hard time with it, compared to other guys. i just feel like there is something horribly wrong with me that urgently needs to be fixed but probably never will, and i think only a dog would know how to look past that. a dog would not reject me because of my lack of social skills. and a dog would not play any mind games, or put on a false front, and pretend to show affection when it doesn’t feel any. you can actually trust a dog, unlike most people, who are not really trustworthy unless you know them quite well. dogs actually accept me as an authority figure, whereas most people act towards me as if they are the authority figures and i am the one that must submit and folow their commands. i have a real problem with authority figures, because throughout my life, i think most of my social interaction has actually been with authority figures, where they have tried to dominate every aspect of my life. i haven’t had as much interaction with those who do not seek to impose their will on me regardless of what i think. mostly it is parents, teachers, bosses at work... and when i did interact with other kids at school, back before i went off to college, they were always making fun of me and treating me like dirt. and i actually preferred the way authority figures treated me to the way my peers treated me, because the authority figures at least said something nice once in a while, and weren’t 100% mean to me. i suppose my peers were not 100% mean either, but my mind has always been strongly pessimist and had a way of distorting things. i never really had any friends in high school or junior high. i did have a few friends in elementary school, though, to be honest. and in college i made some friends. i still have some friends now. but, during the 6 years of junior high and high school, i had absolutely no friends whatsoever. and the hatred and bitterness and jealousy and fear of any sort of social interactions and feelings for a need for revenge on everyone else, none of those feelings have ever gone away completely. although i never really expressed it externally, those 6 years in high school turned me into an evil monster inside, a hateful, evil, vengeful person who could have potentially become a serious threat to society. luckily, it turned out that in my behavior, i am still quite a nice person on the outside, and my internal evilness has gradually faded away over the years since then. but sometimes i still feel the hot flame of evil burning inside me, whenever i feel any jealousy or hatred or anything like that. sometimes i get into heated arguments and at those times i am positively filled with evil, and it consumes every ounce of my being with its venom and bile, with its sadistic need to make other people miserable. i have tried hard to purge this evil from myself, and become entirely righteous and good, but i cannot destroy a part of myself. i still have a great many unresolved issues and have a very hard time relating to other people or developing positive relationships with other people my age. internally, i still assume every new person i meet is hostile, until proven otherwise, and while i try to behave like a nice and friendly person, sometimes other people do not return the favor. usually those people who are hostile tend to act that way towards everyone they meet, and i do not see the logic in this. what are they trying to do, make a lot of enemies? that is retarded. i want to make friends, not enemies. i cannot stand even having one person be hostile with me, it positively drives me up the wall. so i have to avoid controversial topics when i talk to other people, unless i know they already agree with me. so then i have to have this stupid blog to express what i really think, anonymously, because i just feel unable to really express myself to other people when i talk to them in person. i feel so confined by the norms and conventions of society, but i am not about to become some type of person who behaves strangely on purpose. no, i try to avoid all sorts of strange behavior, to avoid anything that would make people think badly of me. and there is all this internal pressure i put on myself about that, because i really do not feel like acting in such a way. but at least i have this blog, where i can express what is unacceptable to express in public.

so anyway, president bush, our miss leader, who was tragically born without a brain, gave a speech yesterday, on september 11. and it was all about trying to connect the war in iraq with 9/11, and to get the public to think that winning in iraq is essential to winning the war on terror. now, this type of blatantly dishonest tripe really drives me up the wall. this idiot has no clue what the hell is going on in iraq, or how big a mess it is, nor does he understand how the vast majority of iraqis want us the fuck out of their country, or that the reason for the insurgency and the terrorist attacks in iraq is our military presence. i mean god dammit, who the hell wants foreign troops occupying their country and killing people they know, and taking prisoners off to secret prisons off in other countries? look, if the chinese invaded the united states and defeated us, and occupied our country, and set up secret prisons around the world, and shipped off anyone who resisted to their troop presence into those secret prisons, don’t you think every red-blooded american patriot would join together and resist the foreign occupation? so what the hell does bush think is going on in iraq? isn’t that the same thing? i mean, yes, iraq did have democratic elections, to put in place the shiite fundamentalists who are allied with iran and hezbollah. is that really the kind of government we want there? no. but that is who the iraqis elected, and it is none of our business whom other countries elect as their leaders or miss leaders. so i think we ought to get the fuck out, and give the iraqi government enough military aid for them to destroy whatever remnants of the insurgency continue to resist after our withdrawal. and then we should hope the iraqis continue to be our allies, instead of becoming our sworn enemies, like their other allies, iran and hezbollah. i mean, al qaeda, who attacked us on 9/11, is a sunni organization, so if we leave iraq in the hands of shiites and give them enough weaponry, well, the enemy of our enemy is our friend. so, since sunnis and shiites are enemies, the iraqi government, as shiite fundamentalists, would fight the sunni terrorist group al qaeda, probably better than we ever could. and there is no way the sunnis could overthrow the shiite government of iraq, because shiites are the majority and they are in power now, and they have the control of the iraqi military and security apparatus. now there is a danger of iraq becoming split up like yugoslavia, and then the sunni areas like al anbar province may become havens for al qaeda and other sunni terrorist groups. so, we should withdraw our troops from the hostile parts of iraq, into friendlier parts like the kurdish north, and then wait and see what happens. then, if any threat actually does materialize over time, and the shiites prove incapable of defeating it, we will lend our assistance by invading the sunni areas, brutally wiping out the sunni resistance fighters, and then withdrawing back to friendly areas of iraq, as quickly as we came. then the shiites who control the iraqi government can go in and clean up the mess. in the end, hopefully, the iraqi government will be able to control the whole country, without our help, and then we can withdraw all our troops. but bush’s rhetoric linking 9/11 with iraq is plainly hollow and full of lies. saddam hussein may have been a sunni like al qaeda, but he was a secular sunni, and al qaeda are sunni fundamentalists who hate secular sunnis just as much as they hate shiites and all non-muslims. or at least, abu musab al-zarqawi hated secular sunnis, as well as all shiites and non-muslims. i do not know if the others in al qaeda share those views. but, we ought to take advantage of these divisions among muslims, in order to unite as many muslims as possible in the fight against the al qaeda terrorist organization. then, once al qaeda is defeated, the united victors will snap their fingers and worldwide peace and prosperity will somehow magically become a reality. no? not realistic? oh well... it is bush who got us into this mess. this is all his fault. without him, none of this would have happened. so he should shut up and stop acting like he knows better than everyone else. i have had enough of his crap, and it is about time we had a democratic congress to put him in his place.