hey congress: good job!

so far this year, congress has done an awesome job, especially speaker nancy pelosi. by congress, i mean the house of representatives, of course. the senate has been more lackluster, with the republicans preventing much of anything meaningful from being accomplished with their obstructionist tactics. and the senate democrats keep having really stupid ideas about various resolutions or bills to express disapproval of bush’s troop surge or to actually prevent it or even bring some troops home. here is an idea, one that many democrats in congress proclaim that they agree with, including nancy pelosi:

END THE FUCKING WAR ALREADY!

now, of course, the politicians all disagree about how to do that. and us regular citizens also disagree about how to do that (if you limit the debate to only include people who agree with that objective). but here is a novel idea about how to end it:

CUT OFF ALL FUNDS FOR THE WAR!

yes, the house of representatives has the power of the purse, and controls all of this country’s money. nancy pelosi needs to use her ultimate weapon, her ultimate trump card, against this president. now some jackasses are saying that supposedly we lost the vietnam war because of congress cutting off all funds, or that somehow it was a mistake for congress to cut off all funds, or that it had negative consequences.

BULLSHIT!

that was the best possible way to end the vietnam war by that time. it allowed the north vietnamese to conquer and defeat south vietnam as quickly as possible after we pulled out, reunifying the country. if you visit vietnam today, it is a very nice, well-run country, and better than ever, or so i have heard. so, that whole vietnam war was pointless since we were fighting against having that country be run by the people who would be most likely to do a good job and actually have the support of their own people. in iraq today, what does it take for an iraqi politician to have power? you need the backing of a powerful militia, with many men who are well-equipped! what do you need?

GUNS, BOMBS, AND CASH... BUT MOST OF ALL PEOPLE!

guns, bombs, and cash don’t magically fall out of the sky for the iraqi militias to use. they have to obtain them somehow. the more people join your militia or political movement, the bigger it gets, and the more guns, bombs, and cash you have. the bigger your army. and once it gets really big, like the mehdi army, you can kick some serious ass.

IRAQIS EXPRESS THEIR DEMOCRATIC AMBITIONS THROUGH THE BARREL OF A GUN.

by choosing which militia to back financially or join and fight in, or who to equip with weapons or who to build your bombs for, you can democratically voice your views about who you want in power in iraq, through the barrel of a gun, as a regular iraqi. forget elections! they hardly ever happen and they are fixed by the money funneled in from the united states and iran and other nations that want to meddle in internal iraqi affairs. but iraqis have the ultimate trump card: they can fucking kill you! if 75% of the public supports the shiite-led government and allied militias, then 75% of militia members end up in the shiite militias who share the government’s agenda. if 41% of the public supports the sunni militants of al qaeda in iraq, they can give 41% of the money that goes to militias to al qaeda, and 41% of the members of militias can join al qaeda. it is the ultimate expression of the people’s democratic will!

WHOEVER IS MOST POWERFUL WILL DEFEAT EVERYONE ELSE.

and whoever is most powerful is obviously the same as whoever has the most public support, and represents the largest constituency of the iraqi public. then they can crush all opposition, restore order, and everyone can get electricity and running water and security on the streets once again. the oil pipelines will be flowing again and everyone will be making money hand over fist. but this can only happen if we allow the iraqis to fight it out amongst themselves, just like we sat back and watched the north vietnamese conquer south vietnam. the iraqis may not end up with a pro-american government, but who cares? most people in that country hate america anyway! the fact that the current iraqi government has to pretend to like us shows how undemocratic they really are.

TRUE VICTORY COMES FROM DEFEAT.

the countries of europe lost their empires around the world, sometimes fighting losing wars to try to hold onto the remains of their empires. some great nations have suffered even worse defeats, like germany and japan after world war 2. germany and japan are doing fine now! great britain and france lost gigantic empires that they fought to keep, and guess what? both those countries are fine now too! it is hard to find examples within the last few centuries of any great empires that were crushed and where the central country did not recover completely. the soviet union collapsed, but russia is doing fine now, with a thriving middle class in moscow, new alliances blossoming with many other countries, and more advanced weaponry than ever before. after the collapse of the ottoman empire, turkey emerged as a powerful nation under the leadership of kemal ataturk. and the collapse of the austro-hungarian empire was not that bad in the long run; both austria and hungary are now thriving pro-western democracies. the most prosperous nation in europe and perhaps the world is the grand duchy of luxembourg, a small nation between germany and france that has been invaded and conquered twice in the 20th century alone. if the united states suffers a military defeat in a country on the other side of the world that we wanted to conquer, does that really damage our nation in the long run? no! the best course of action is to accept defeat and move on!

SOMETIMES THE ONLY WAY TO WIN IS TO LOSE.

so i support congress and their efforts to help us lose this war faster, because we already lost this war long ago, and all that is being debated is how long we prolong our humiliating defeat. all that is being debated is how long we continue getting our asses kicked before we realize we are wasting our time, and let our soldiers come back home, while our enemies bask in victory. let us hand a great victory to our enemies, because then they will become complacent in their victory and think themselves invincible. and in the long run, that will weaken them more than anything else could. the more deluded and crazy our enemies become, the easier it will be to defeat them, by being smarter and much more logical than them. the best way to prepare for our next attack is to withdraw our troops so that we can re-equip and replace damaged or destroyed equipment, and give them some time to rest before the next time we fight a war. and nothing could be better than allowing the terrorists to establish a safe haven in part of iraq, and having that part ruled by terrorist allies. then we can just wait for all the terrorists in the world to congregate there, and carpet-bomb the whole area all at once. whoops! no more terrorists in the entire world! sorry about that, osama!