cysts, mutants, and the 10 planets

my mom has a synovial cyst in her lower spine that causes leg pain. i have 2 fatty cysts in my scalp. cysts are benign tumors but they can turn into cancer. i remember the movie kindergarten cop where arnold schwarzenegger says “it’s not a tumor!” with reference to the cause of him having a headache, after a kid in the classroom said that he had a brain tumor. sometimes i think i have a brain tumor. being a hypochondriac is such bullshit. the other day i thought i was having a blood clot loose in my bloodstream that would lodge itself in my heart or brain and cause a heart attack or stroke. where did i get this idea from? i have a weird wound near my left elbow that is underneath my skin, and i had just noticed it. it gets itchy and i scratch it, and it was like a solid but after i squished it, it turned liquid and i could feel that from the outside even though it is underneath my skin. and the skin on top of it is all dark brown unlike the rest of my skin, which is white. i didn’t know what the hell this horrible thing near my elbow was but apparently it is called a “wart” and it is sort of like a cyst, another kind of benign tumor that can sometimes turn into cancer. in other words, i am gonna die. no, not immediately, not in the short term. but my cells around my body keep having odd mutations from all the radiation around me. did you know that sunlight is full of harmful radiation that causes mutations? if you go outside during the day and let any sunlight hit your body, it will turn you into a mutant. anyway i am a mutant and i have cysts full of mutated cells. and my mom has cysts too. probably everyone has cysts. and as i write this i am looking at a computer screen that is sending harmful radiation right into my face. x-rays, the ones superman uses for his vision! they also come out of your television set too, and of course the sun. now some mutants are planning to go to planet x, now that they have been mutated by x-rays, so they are waiting for aliens called x-ists to come in flying saucers to destroy the earth, on x-day, the day of the apocalypse. and everyone is running mac os x or windows xp. according to the scientologists, the leader of the hostile aliens is called xenu. everything comes back to the letter x. apple is trying to get people interested in the letter i again, with ipods, itunes, the new iphones, and i-lots of other things. and of course there is email, and probably other e-things. anyway, with only 8 official planets in the solar system now, it is hard to fathom planet x, the legendary 10th planet. one explanation is that there is another earth besides the one we are on, the bizarro earth. bizarro earth is on the opposite side of the sun from the regular earth we are on. bizarro earth is like a giant soviet russia joke. since bizarro earth and regular earth are on opposite sides of the sun and have the same exact orbit, you can never see one of them if you are on the other one. if you include bizarro earth with the official 8 planets, you are up to 9. and the 10th planet is planet x, also known as planet xena, officially called 2003 ub313 by astronomers. planet x(ena) is where xenu now lives, and is plotting his assault against tom cruise and the other scientologists. anyway, we are not sure if this planet we live on is the true earth or if we are just on bizarro earth, the so-called “bizarro world”. lots of evidence points to the conclusion that we really do live in the bizarro world, like george w. bush being president and fighting a war in iraq just like his daddy did, and actually getting re-elected. and that is why we all have cysts and are mutants, from all the radiation coming out of the depleted uranium used by our military. and inside the hollow earth there are nazi hell creatures, but that is another story. anyway, aliens from 2003 ub313 are plotting to destroy the earth, so let us hope we do not live on earth and this really is bizarro world. that way, the planet they destroy won’t be this one we live on. in fact, maybe they have already destroyed the regular earth, on july 5, 1998, and now the only earth left is this bizarro one. in that case, we are off the hook, and the aliens will not destroy our planet after all. instead, we will destroy ourselves, bizarro style.